Tag Archives: Spending Diet

Wallet Wailings: Wherein I use a lot of bolds and italics as well as “strong language”

Posted on by

Tantrum
“Tantrum” by Big Daddy K on Flickr

So, how was your weekend? Good? Yes? That’s nice. So was mine.

Oh, I threw a tantrum last night.

Yeah, I had a total budget-based breakdown. I had a money matters meltdown. I had a frugally founded fit. It was epic. Maybe it was just that tantrums had been going around the house that day leaping from one kid to the next. Maybe they’re contagious. I’d like to say I fought it hard and it seemed inevitable.

It’s hard to make a change in habits and thinking and shift downward in your spending habits. It’s difficult to trim here, there, everywhere. I think it’s especially difficult when you feel as if the reduction is being forced on your by something out of your control like a reduction, or complete evaporation, of an income stream. But, it is really, really hard when you are low not just on income but time and energy too.

Let’s face it, I can probably wear the exact same wardrobe I own for at least another two years without buying anything to add to it. I get at least one gift of clothing a year, sometimes more, and I don’t really grow much in any given direction in a year. So it all fits and it’s all going to keep fitting more or less. So not the case with the kids. But I don’t have the freaking time or energy to get myself to a thrift store with enough regularity (i.e. ever) to guarantee good buys for them. So, the email lands in my inbox on Friday (following up on the flyer that went home on Wednesday– with their father– who never mentioned it to me) about how the Spring pictures are on Monday and kids should be dressed in Sunday best (no jeans) and I realize Eldest does not own a pair of pants that are not jeans. We don’t do Sunday best. We do Sunday poolside. All weekend, I gauge the availability of one relative or another to perhaps bribe them to please stay home with just two of the mutants so I can purchase said pants and maybe even replace the school shoes Eldest is now complaining about pinching his feet and he’s sporting a band-aid to prove it. No one. So Sunday at 9:00 PM I finally beg my grandmother to please come stay so I can go sans MutantEldest. I found the pants. Not on sale. I did not find the shoes. And it’s somewhere between where I’m figuring out the pants thing and giving up on finding the penny loafers he needs for school and instead looking at shoes for Daughter who is in need of some good casual shoes and/or sneakers, I start to feel the fit. It blew up in the bleach aisle.

I was shopping for bleach to replace the one my grandmother loaned me so that I could clear my drain– something else I kept postponing taking care of because I didn’t have bleach and I didn’t find it on sale and then it went on sale and I didn’t get a single damn chance to go buy it. But my shower is so clogged it’s threatening to overflow if I don’t fix the damn thing. So Abuela to the rescue with bleach (they always have bleach because they always have everything). I’m in Target looking to replace it. And I am actually doing the math on the Clorox that is on sale versus the generic Target brand and find the Target brand is eight cents cheaper than the brightly advertised Clorox sale and I start my fit about why on earth should I even care if it’s eight cents cheaper and this is just ridiculous that I’m tearing myself up over eight cents or even pants my son just freaking needs or shoes that he needs because his feet hurt or shoes that my daughter needs because she’s long outgrown and outworn the pairs that did fit and Baby is probably way overdue for some new shoes too given how fast the booger is growing not to mention how much his sneakers just reek of smelly feet no matter how many times I wash them and I’m not even trying to buy them semi-luxury items just some basic totally inexpensive reasonable things and I can’t just go and get them these items because Ex hasn’t paid me properly in three friggin months and thanks to that I’m in even more debt and besides who the heck’s going to watch the kids for me without making me feel guilty about it and why do people do this kind of nastiness to each other and total frigging meltdown that ended with me in the Taco Bell drive-thru. No tears, just tacos.

Epic.

Stand down, Mutant. Accomplishments. Goals. Needs. Wants. And you stick that temper tantrum throwing two year old part of you into timeout to just cool it. It’s probably a good thing the tantrum hit when it did and not on Friday night with a full weekend of opportunities to show my budget how silly I thought it was.

Oh budget, I am sorry. I know, I swear I do, you’re trying to help me and not hurt me. And imagine my surprise when I walk into the office today and enter all of my spending from the weekend and look at my budgeted amounts and find…

I have a lot more room to breathe than I thought. I apparently had initially under-budgeted my categories not really sure Ex would give me a cent this month. Better safe than sorry and the tight numbers ingrained themselves into my brain. Of course, at this point Ex still hasn’t paid a dime but I’m sure he’ll pay something. And even if he only pays half what he’s promised, it’s still enough to cover me and roll over another few hundred dollars to next month to help buffer his financial shortcomings.

Just because something’s temporary, doesn’t mean it’s going to turn around soon. Temporary does not equal soon. Temporary simply means “not permanent”. This unreliable income stream is simply temporary and while driving me somewhat nuts, is also affording me many a learning opportunity. The most important of which is that my kids and I can count on me as a reliable provider. I can meet basic needs and more. Not only can I build a solid foundation for my family, I am working at ensuring a strong future.

So, fine. I threw my tantrum. I whined and moaned the whole “I don’t wanna doooooo this anymore” thing. I even treated myself to a couple of comfort meals (I really, really enjoy eating food I did not make myself). But ok, that’s it. We’re on target, let’s keep it that way. It’s March 14th and I’ve got $288 for the remaining 16 days (my fiscal months begin the last day of the month which is my payday).

P.S. Apparently, I’m not the only one with money moanings this Monday.

P.P.S. Someone actually found this blog by searching the phrase “Panties Princess”. Thoughts?

Free-Range Ramblings

Posted on by


“The Bird Who Escaped His Cage” from the dangerously drool-worthy Etsy shop of Penny Masquerade

My brain is a bit silent today, not in a bad or good way just pretty quiet. Maybe it’s the rainy weather. Maybe it’s the amigurumi I’ve been working on. Maybe it’s just that peaceful satisfaction that tends to bless me now and then. That gentle sense of, “Life’s good enough.” It can be better, and surely it can be worse. So, when I’m sort of in this lazy brain mode I tend to think in fragments—and write that way too. I apologize if this sort of thing drives you nuts.

In one week, I’ll be divorced. I’m past the phase I went through last week where I’d break out into a little impromptu dance when this would occur and am now in the happy sigh followed by many mental mutterings of “Thank you, thank you, thank you” phase. A lot has changed in the two years since Ex moved out. And when I say that, I’m talking about me, myself, and I because who am I to judge another especially when I hardly have any dealings with anymore? I know I have doubts and those come often, but I do move through life more confidently, more comfortably. My decisions are made with me and the children in my mind’s eye—and no one else. And this is fine. This is ok. This works for me. I actually like this. I breathe easy in this. A therapist once said to me as I contemplated what I wanted to do about my marriage—“You were happy before him and you’ll be happy after him.” It’s hard to understand what those words mean, much less to accept them, but they’re true. I was and I am. A husband isn’t a need, it’s a want and in my case, it’s a want I’ll do perfectly fine without.

I’ve linked to a store on Etsy in the picture above. It’s beautiful and the sort of shop that has not one, not two, but many things I find painfully beautiful and exquisite. For someone who was robbed of all of their jewelry a couple of years ago, this sort of shop gives me double heart pangs. I think I’ll have to spread word around to the family and friends for future gift-giving occasions. I’m pretty sure just about anything from here would make me giddy. Wants, of course, every one. But beautiful to look at just the same.

I’ve been reading Outlander in between crochet sessions. I had to slow it down because it was affecting my inner monologue. The book is written in accent if that makes sense. I’m sure there’s a better, more proper, way to say that but I’m seriously fading fast right now and I can’t for the life of me grasp it. The point is, I’ve been reading so much Scottish accented stuff my inner voice is driving me crazy by doing its own imitation of a Scottish accent whenever possible. Phrases like “wee” and “bonny” and “lass” and “ye” and “dinna” and “ken” and “aye” and “verra” keeping dashing around my brain wreaking havoc on my inner monologue. So, I had to stop reading it so constantly because I got irritated with myself. I’m 2/3 the way in, maybe more. It’s a fun book. Extremely silly and the type of thing you’d expect in a romantic adventure set in eighteenth century Scotland with lots of strong red-haired blue eyed kilted warriors running amok and extremely clever and witty ladies with much colorful personality. There’s lots of DANGER and RESCUE (main character has been almost raped and killed at least three times I think) and all that sort of thing. There’s lots of bared body parts and kissing and rubbing and clawing and talking dirty in a Scottish accent. I haven’t read a book like this in ages and it’s been loads of fun and exactly the sort of thing I needed.

Speaking of books, I won a copy of Kiss & Tell on Goodreads and it got plopped on my doorstep yesterday. I opened it up and flipped through it and gasped. It’s gorgeous. I can’t wait to read it. I really needed to put it on my bookcase and force myself to go back to Outlander and crocheting pandas because I really wanted to dive into that book right now this moment. But, I hate reading more than one book at a time. As it is right now, I have three library books at home that need reading, not to mention one more waiting for me, and no I’m not going to tell you about the really long queue I have lined up on top of all of that. And also, I have Soulless and PostSecret patiently watching me from their spots on my shelves which are currently quite undignified and in need of straightening.

So far, money-wise I’m doing excellently. I have $380 left for the twenty remaining days of the year. This is seriously excellent. I’m very encouraged by this as it means this month I will break even if Ex doesn’t pay me a single dime. I do not need a loan from my folks. What it further means is that if Ex does pay me a dime, it’s all going into my Mini-Emergency fund and Debt Repayment Plan. Granted, my debt has increased a bit because of my parents having to step in and cover him for not one but two months in a row as well as helping to cover the school’s registration fees. But, it’s ok. I have a lot of faith it’s going to be cut down quite effectively this year. I just need to keep barging ahead, keep my head clear, and my eyes focused. As a matter of fact, I played with some numbers and if I choose to maintain this level of expenses and Ex’s stream of income comes back to life, I’ll be debt free in the summer of 2012. And if I remain diligent and put most of that money that’s going to be going to debt to my emergency fund, a six month emergency fund will be fully funded in less than two years after I’m free.

People I talk to are freaked out it’s already March. I’m excited. I know we need to enjoy the present, and I make an effort to enjoy the moments as they unfold but I’m absolutely dying for 2011 to just be over and done with because I just know 2012 is going to be a lot better for me in many ways. The money thing is probably one of the largest reasons I feel that way. There’s a lot of talk everywhere these days about how trendy frugality is and whether or not it’s going to last and whether or not we’ve really gotten over the pull of credit cards and living beyond our means. I don’t know about the rest of the country, and I don’t particularly care, but I know for me it’s here to stay. I’ve been craving a simpler, freer life for years already.

I can’t really explain it any better than this: it’s much easier to have few perceived needs and LOTS of perceived wants than for the reverse. And that has been the big learning experience for me. It is more fulfilling, for me, to contemplate my wants, which ones I’m going to fulfill, and just how I’m going to do so. Before I started really consciously managing my money and my spending, this didn’t happen. Something I really wanted passed too easily into the Needs department and my money quickly left me to fulfill it because it’s a need you see and therefore justifiable. But in that mindset, the needs just kept piling one on top of another like some insanely precarious tower of blocks put together by a two year old. Because it is very childish, that mindset. I breathe easier with every so-called need I release back to the want pile. I don’t have a choice on my needs, but I have a choice on my wants. And I think that’s where I see differences appear in the writings of the many people battling it out with their finances.

Look for the instances of want and need in their words, or listen to it when your friends and family speak, and definitely pay attention to it in your own usage. I have a feeling the best way to gauge whether or not a person has made a real change is by gauging the use of the words “want” vs. “need”. When I sit here and start to consider what to plan for as far as spending goes in a given month, it is an examination of this very thing. When you step back and analyze how you’re going to spend your designated amount of money in a given month, even if just loosely, it’s much easier with every “need” you convert to a “want”. 

Can I tell you one more thing? I think a real factor in helping me get this is the environment around my job. I work on a medical campus in a downtown area. Homeless people and beggars are everywhere. Just the other day on my way to take the train home, I passed a scene outside the station. A young man I often see with a sign that says “Hungry” was sitting on the floor against a wall. His face was turned to the side facing me and looked as if he was crying as two older women hunched over him. My heart was broken for this man. I passed someone yesterday rooting through a garbage can quickly before someone saw him but obviously something had caught his eye and he was trying to root it out as quickly as possible. There is an alcove outside the station that is frequently used as a sleeping corner for one homeless person or another. Benches and ledges too. Even on the train, I’m often confronted with the sights(and smells) of extreme poverty if not downright homelessness. I see these things constantly but am not the type of person that can just shove it into the background and let it bounce off me without it affecting me. I wish I was, but I’m not. Right now, I can’t afford to help these people. But if I’m diligent and responsible and effectively sort my needs and my wants, I’ll be able to do just that in no time at all.

Joyous News and Mindless Chatter

Posted on by

Divorce Cake
“Divorce Cake” by SamLevin on Flickr

Before I say absolutely anything else at all, let me announce I got the date for my final hearing for dissolution of marriage. I’ll be divorced on St. Patrick’s Day!

I am absolutely exuberant about this, I can’t even tell you. I just feel this unstoppable flood of relief that is impossible to describe. The best I can do is like there’s a bottle of MollyDooker Violinist wine flowing through my veins. Exuberance. Just pure, unadulterated exuberance. He had mentioned he’d have a good amount for me in child support but is now backpedaling. He will have absolutely nothing until the middle of the month…

It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over It’s almost over…

The letter states he doesn’t even have to show up at the hearing. I’m hoping it coincides with his first week at the new job so he really won’t feel motivated to go. But, enough of all of that stuff, let’s move on to something fun like budgets and crochet!

Yesterday was my trip to Publix to pick up some other groceries I was missing and to take advantage of some excellent, excellent savings and stocking opportunities. Canned tomatoes (4), soups (4), juice (4 bottles), shaving gel (2), bread (2), tortillas (1), tea (1), sugar (1), bagels (2), and I can’t find the receipt to tell you if that was it but either way, I paid $31.51 and saved $37.42. I absolutely LOVE saving more than I pay. By the way, I know that compared to those Extreme Couponing blogs and shows, this sounds meager but it is really difficult to do extremely extreme couponing in Florida and the main reason I can find is the stores here do not double coupons like they do in many other states. So, while in another state my 50 cent coupon is actually worth a dollar, here it’s just 50 cents. Florida stores are also pretty anti-coupon in general and you’ll find very few who accept competitor coupons for instance. Florida clerks generally cringe when they see big piles of coupons, almost always summon managers for printed coupons, etc. So, shaving 50% on my grocery bill or more is a huge win for me personally. And even though I say it again and again, if you want to really be even remotely successful with couponing, check out SouthernSavers. If you’re in a different region, do some searches because there are other websites like them. SouthernSavers is 100% free to use, easy, and is the major reason I am able to save so much money on groceries. They don’t endorse me or anything so there’s no bias in this wallet but they really do just provide a great service that I believe is extremely helpful.

There was another purchase yesterday and that was at Michael’s for a couple of crochet hooks at $4.26 total. This leaves me with $485.77 on the expanded budget but only $335.77 on the reduced one. These were for the project I’ve decided to make my goddaughter for her birthday and I was unsure which size would work better, so I went with two, used a 40% off coupon for one, and that was that. It is really hard to go into Michael’s and keep your eyes on the prize by the way. At least, for me. I don’t know what it is about that store but wow. It doesn’t help the yarn stuff is all the way at the back which forces you to walk past aisle after aisle of things. Anyways, I got home and began this cowl after Tami said so. I have never witnessed a person wearing a cowl that is not part of their shirt. At least, I haven’t noticed. This is Florida after all so things that are meant to warm you up aren’t exactly in abundance but I think the cowl is much more than a warming device—it’s an accessory! And I am loving it. It’s a bit stiffer than I’d envisioned and I mostly blame the yarn—two strands of Impeccable by Loops & Threads, a 100% acrylic yarn that has some great colors and solid texture. The rest of the blame falls on the hook. The pattern called for a 10.00mm (N) hook so imagine my bafflement when I got to the hooks at Michael’s and found the N hooks were 9.00mm and the P hooks were 10.00mm. That’s why I bought both and because I tend to crochet loosely (ha I’m a loose hooker omg I crack myself up) I went with the smaller hook. May have been a mistake going for the smaller hook for once.  I’d imagined something slightly drapier but this is really pleasing me either way. I’m pretty sure at the rate I’m going I’ll be ready for another FO Friday tomorrow.

By the way, mark your calendars for Knit & Crochet Blog Week March 28 – April 3. I will be participating so if you’re allergic to yarny goodness, you may want to steer clear. Although, I seriously doubt I will only be sticking to all things yarny because we all know, this Mutant has commitment issues. I’m disloyal (Fantastic Mr. Fox reference in my brain, what about yours?). And if you’re totally into all things yarn, strongly consider joining in the fun. I missed out last year but they racked up over 200 participants!   

Hmm I completely lost my train of thought…

Oh well, here’s a song that totally my vibe today to make up for the sudden and abrupt blank stare you’re getting.

Oh, I remember now! Remind me to tell you about the nice yarn lover that sat next to me on the train today and about Hoarders.

WIP Wednesday: Small and Pink

Posted on by

Well, I figure it being over two months since my last WIP submission in Tami’s WIP Wednesdays, I was long overdue. I feel guilty crocheting other projects with my Mom’s blanket not even having yarn purchased for it, but there are other little things I need to make too so I figured I’d set the guilt aside and just stop procrastinating. Can you guess what it is? Hint: I have to make two. I figured I’d work on this while I decide what to make my goddaughter for her 16th birthday at the end of the month. I’m thinking a hat would be cute, though she’s also young and fashion-forward enough to pull off a cowl. I made her fingerless gloves for Christmas and she liked them so I could make her another set but I’d like to try something else, I think. I saw an adorable bikini pattern in a crochet book that I know she could pull off but I don’t have the right yarn for it and am very wary of making something that needs such precise measurements for another person. I’d love to make it for myself if I had the body but I don’t so I’m going to hunt for a one piece pattern instead. Although, really, I have a feeling I’d have to design this myself.

Starting to feel majorly sleepy again. I picked up some groceries last night while waiting for Eldest’s antibiotics prescription to fill. Loaded up on drumsticks, pork chops, even steak. Also got the much needed milk and eggs, rice, olive oil, and a few other things. Total came to $64.54 although I just realized they didn’t comp the Mac n Cheese the way they were supposed to. I’d caught the peanut butter error at the register but missed this one. My savings on this trip were $57.44. OK, yes, I also got ice cream but only because it was Buy One Get One Free. I’m hoping to make it to the Farmer’s Market on Saturday to stock up on the fruits and veggies. It’s dangerous on the wallet to go there with the kids now that they’ve discovered the bakery carts that sell French macaroons so I’ll definitely take advantage of them being with their dad this weekend to take care of that.

Last night, while organizing stuff at my home office, I found my stack of Woman’s Day magazines from 1962 and 1963. I bought these on E-bay a long time ago intending to use them for collage work but never had the heart to cut them up. Let me tell you, times have changed. All of the cover shots are of projects to make. Nothing is off limits—there are all types of articles on handicrafts from the kitchen, to needlework of all kinds, to even carpentry. Forget Ikea, they strongly encouraged making your own gorgeous furniture and not with an allen wrench and particle board either. There’s another major change I noticed. People used to eat some delicious fatty foods! I saw an ad for Aunt Jemima pancake mix featuring a recipe for bacon strip pancakes! But, there were also recipes for Quaker’s oatmeal with fresh pineapple too. Lots of cakes and pies and gelatins. Lots of rich food, that’s for sure. Left me salivating I tell you. I wish I could cook, or at least, enjoy cooking. The magazines are so decidedly feminine, it’s amazing. And yet, so much of it is also timeless. I found an article called “What are you teaching your children about money?” and goes into how to implement and manage an allowance system that is pretty consistent with current thinking. The ads are hilarious. So many products that are now extinct. So many that aren’t. These magazines are obviously all created around the stay at home. There is most definitely no concept of a working mother here. But the handmade stuff, that’s truly amazing. Most of the projects, you had to send 50 cents to Woman’s Day for a complete step by step guide, but some include the patterns (especially the sewing projects). Maybe I’ll be able to scan some of the pages and share one of these days. I was actually thinking it’d be really cool to try and track down a copy of one from my mom’s birthday, my birthday, and my daughter’s birthday to keep track of how they’ve changed over the years.

That’s all I’ve got today. Nothing profound or deep, really. Just keeping it light and surface-level I guess. There is another post tumbling in my head but I don’t really know how to form it without coming across as bitter or despaired. It’s not tragic, it’s just thoughts bumping around. Still working through The Lonely Polygamist and liking it so far. I can certainly relate to wanting to just run away, that’s for sure.

Spending Challenge: February Ends, March Begins

Posted on by

Wi$e-Guy Money Roll

“Wi$e- Guy Money Roll” by Gnerk on Flickr

Holy Monday! I woke up today tired to the middles of my bones. I really could’ve used one more day off with nothing to do but relax. Oh well. Being in the office brings its own set of perks so I won’t try and dwell on it much. I tried drinking some coffee but it’s so yucky here I only managed to swallow down half a cup. It was a hectic, trying weekend with a birthday party on Saturday that was lots of fun, a BBQ at my parents’ house that was delicious, two days in a row with no naps, MutantDaughter with an ear infection that is clearing and MutantEldest seemingly coming down with his own “thing” even though I told him he’d better not even think about getting sick and he’d better have a serious talk with his throat and tell it to knock it off with the whole hurting every time he swallows thing. I also worked my booty off in the play room all weekend (forgot before pictures), hauling three bags of toys to my grandmother’s house (her best friend lives in a very poor part of town and likes to give the kids in her complex toys because the other families look after her) and setting one more aside for the Vietnam Veterans. It’s looking much better but I still have work to do. The kids like it though and that’s a good thing. Just have to teach them where to find their toys and to put them back when they’re done (repeat to infinity).

I was also fighting with a wave of gloom that just wouldn’t leave me alone, always sort of lurking right beneath the surface. It drives me crazy when I get like this and can’t shake it off. It is this complete feeling of resignation in a way and it can get overwhelming. Basically, I get so exhausted and frustrated and have no one to really share my troubles with (difference between this and burdening someone else) and I just feel like this is it, this is my life, and it’s freaking hard, but it’s not going to change—not any time soon, not in any real way. Everything under my roof, good and bad, relies on me and no one else. One person responsible for four lives. And like I’ve mentioned many times, I have an excellent support system in my family. Don’t get me wrong. MutantWino is the one who pays for MutantEldest to go to Karate and keeps him motivated (he goes too so they share this amazing thing together). MutantPirate has come to my rescue with one child or another’s pick-up or drop-off more times than I can count. And there are my MutantAbuelas—one who cares for my kids when they’re sick so I can go to work, cooks an occasional meal for us, and pays the lawn guy (she refuses to let me take over this even though I bring it up constantly. I’m never home when they go since it’s on a weekday and she’s basically told them to never ever bill me). My other grandmother drops in every once in a while with some snack or small meal she bought somewhere. She also slips me a ten or twenty every once in a while “to help out”. And of course, there are my parents. If it wasn’t for them and their own modest financial security, I honestly have no idea what my life would be like.  

But there’s a big difference in having support and having a team. I don’t know if this makes sense to you, but it’s the best way to describe it. I think of it like a basketball team. First of all, right off the bat, I’m short one player and it’s likely that fifth player spot will never be filled. Second of all, three of the four remaining players are rookies and so green they can often be more than a handicap than contributors. So that leaves one player in a game that requires five. And even if that player is a star player, a star player can only play at top quality for so long. Of course as my fellow teammates get older and stronger, they’ll be bigger and better contributors. But, the fact remains I’ll always remain one man short and the co-captain slot will always be empty. Of course, no co-captain is better than a harmful co-captain but it’s still a gloomy predicament either way and sometimes, like this weekend, it all gets to be a bit too much and I’m prone to headaches, lots of sleep, and small, sudden weeps I manage to hide from the kids with expert skill.

But, I know what you really want to know is—how’d my month go? Today is technically the last day of February but I get paid once a month on the last day of the month and that is my first day of my fiscal month. So, my February is over financially speaking and I ended with about $5 left in my spending budget. I counted all of the money I have in cash, and all of the money I have in my ING checking, and all of the money I have in my credit union checking and I have managed to accumulate…

$876.34!

This is actually $31.51 more than my calculations predicted I would have so I must’ve missed some sort of income by accident or incorrectly entered an expense or something like that. Either way, I have almost $900 to start March with! This is super duper exciting for me, you have no idea. I haven’t heard from Ex yet about what to expect income-wise this month so I still don’t know if I’ll have to borrow from my parents again this month or if I’ll actually be able to begin paying them back. I’m of course hoping for the latter because the former totally sucks. So on that note, I’m going to go ahead and give myself $650 for a spending budget this month as I’d originally planned for February but will scale back to $500 again if Ex falls below the amount I need. If the amount is even lower than I would need after scaling back, I’ll have to go to my parents again. It’s all about buffers, baby. Budgets make buffers.

Every month I try and figure out what the big challenges could be for me, financially, in the coming month. This month, I think it’s going to be food. I’ve pretty much used up all of the meat that was in my freezer with the exception of the pork that’s currently in my crock pot and a couple of grouper filets. I also did a pretty good job of raiding the pantry, freezer, and fridge so it’s definitely time to stock up on food in general. I’m completely out of milk, eggs,  juice, tortillas, fruits and fresh veggies, and the aforementioned meats (also, ice cream but we all know where that lands on the whole need/want spectrum). I’m down to the last scrapes of coffee, bread, sugar, and rice. I still have lots of frozen veggies, pasta, beans, shredded cheese, tuna, ham, peanut butter, jelly, and canned tomatoes. SouthernSavers and coupons, prepare yourselves! The other worrier for me is Gas. Prices have skyrocketed and even though the least expensive gas station in the entire city is around the corner from my house, it’s at $3.38 a gallon and that was yesterday. Who knows where it’s at today? I am on Empty of course and have to fill up tonight.  Last month, I put gas in twice—the first was a fill up and lasted 15 days. The second was a bit over half and lasted 8 days. We’ll see how it all unfolds one way or another. I feel like there’s dramatic music in the background and someone saying “These are the days of our lives…”

In crafty news, the hooks are sleeping and I’m still tracking yarn costs. The prices have been pretty steady with no major sale the past few weeks I’ve been tracking which means a really good sale must be right around the corner right? I’m really hoping to find a Buy One Get One Free deal on Red Heart Super Saver or Caron Simply Soft. Those are the most affordable options and I know the material’s not the most luxurious thing in the world but my Mom made it clear she wants this thing for heavy duty wear.

Lastly, in book news: I am still hacking through The Passage. So far, I love/hate it. It’s one tragedy after another but it’s crazy and cool too. It’s LONG as hell (766 pages) and I’m just itching to know if humans stand a chance or what because it looks pretty horrible right now (page 501). It’s also not helping my super gloomy mood with all of this death and destruction and humans acting crazy. It’s sort of depressing in an inevitable apocalyptic sort of way kind of like my love life. The Lonely Polygamist is waiting in the wings and I’m kind of extra excited to read Outlander after Molly mentioned it’s super spicy in the comments. Oooh a sexy book? I haven’t read anything sexy in ages! AND I just found out I won a book on Goodreads! How exciting is that? I won something! And it’s a book! There’s also Soulless which I’m really intrigued by and can’t wait to read it. MutantEldest finished The Lost Hero this weekend and started on The Red Pyramid so there’s that to read too. Too many books? Never! By the way, what say you? Should I actually give myself a new reading goal this year or do I just keep going and see how many I can take down this year?

8/52: FO Friday + Babbling

Posted on by

I don’t know if I can channel how emphatically I’m thinking this but just know it’s really, really heartfelt when I say, “Thank the sweet eight pounds six ounce baby Jesus it is Friday.” I don’t know even know why really but I feel like I’ve been put through the wringer this week and I’m just done. It was so hard to pull myself from bed and get into the office today, not because I don’t like my job because I do—a lot actually, but because I’m just worn the heck out. MutantDaughter spent the entire day sleeping yesterday. And when I say that, I’m completely serious. I think she was awake maybe 2, 3 hours max all day yesterday. She got a fever in the afternoon and her left ear started leaking this brownish clearish pinkish stuff that dries into a sticky crusty disaster. This with the complete and total sleepiness which is not anything like her at all freaked me out a bit and I called the doctor. I had a prescription for some ear drops from the previous battle with this same exact ear and same exact situation and they told me fill it, start it, and have her come in tomorrow. I’d already anticipated a need for the doctor earlier that day and begged Ex to please schedule and take her and he agreed (Shock! Awe!) so I went and spent over an hour in Walgreen’s. This is not good for the pocket book and I admit I did some stress-related shopping on top of the only item needed—Q-tips. I spent $13.90 so I’ve got $10 to go on my Spending Challenge and that should work fine for some milk and eggs. Doctor says it looks like a middle ear infection and the ear drum opened up and is spewing everything out. Delicious. Just have to keep doing what I’m doing and it’ll clear up soon.

I’m really hesitant to start guesstimating because it feels like I’m taunting fate, but it looks like I might have managed to accumulate about a $700 rollover. I’ll have a concrete number on Monday when I get paid and the new month begins and will announce it with much pomp and circumstance. I’m trying to figure out a budget for next month’s non-bill expenses and my first attempt was almost twice what I’d spent this month so that got scrapped. By the way, every month I do this and every month I think I’m budgeting conservatively and then add it up and oops! Just goes to show you, we really underestimate financial numbers. After reworking it a couple of times, I’m down to about what I’d initially planned as a budget for February– $650. I’d like to try this number out and see how it does. This month has been ok overall and has made me feel a bit better about maybe making $650 a regular number. It is, after all, a 30% increase and I was able to manage ok with the $500. It does make shopping a much more carefully executed sort of thing in that I have to do thinks like consider all kinds of things that could possibly come up in a month that would require some sort of cash. But, I guess that’s the point. It’s supposed to be like that instead of some mindless activity. This is conscious spending, Mutant. It’s not more work than impulsive spending, it’s different work. But, that’s the Expenses side of my life.

On the Income side, Ex is moving into his parents’ home this weekend so he doesn’t have to pay rent which may bode well for me. I’m trying to see if maybe he’ll give me a guess as to how much and when he’ll pay me so I can then underestimate it by about 20% and plan for that. Maybe I seem cynical or whatnot but this is the kind of guy who got out of his lease by lying about getting a job in New York. The reality is on March 1, he’ll owe me well over $3,000 and yeah, if I’m ever going to get my life on solid ground, I need that money and for him to pay me consistently. He did tell me the salary at the new job is at least twice what he’s got now plus commission so he should be steadier in that sense, especially when the garnishment goes into effect, but he doesn’t have a start date yet and I don’t have a court date. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes it just flickers or grows really dim threatening to disappear completely.

I’m working on The Passage. It’s Creepy (capital C intended). And it’s got lots of yucky bits which I find fun and hard to read at the same time. At first, the book was sort of driving me crazy because I swear to you he throws like one hundred characters at you in under fifty pages. Characters are always hard for me to manage in my brain, I have no idea why. I considered writing notes but figured I’d probably just lose the paper anyways and besides it’ll settle to just a few eventually and it has so that’s nice except that it’s all done quite tragically and horribly so that’s not nice but hey, it’s fiction and fun at that. The library has Red Pyramid ready for Eldest and an organizing book, a crochet book, and The Lonely Polygamist ready for me. Not to mention nice crispy brand new copies of Outlander and Soulless and PostSecret are waiting for me in my bookshelves. Oh yes, books and books and books galore.

My kitchen remains clean, my dining table remains clear. I almost screwed it all up last night being so exhausted from the day but I ripped myself a new one about how I’ve done this too many times to know better and that I know exactly what’ll happen if I let things slide just one night. It’s never just one night, don’t kid yourself. And that was that. I got to work and cleared everything away in about twenty minutes before collapsing exhausted in my bed. Tonight shall be Frozen Box Pizza Night so I won’t have to worry about dirtying the kitchen at least. I’ll likely stop at the library for some kiddo movies. Tomorrow there’s the birthday party. It should be a nice weekend. I’m going to finish sorting out the rest of what’s going back into the hall closet though I’m pretty sure I’ve cleared away almost everything that’s getting cleared.

By the way, I was thinking about creating a concrete Chores Plan for the kids. The two this would apply to are the 7 and 4 year old. What I was thinking of was basic chores that they are required to do because they’re part of the team and we all have responsibilities. But, I thought it might be a good idea to add a couple of things they could do to earn money. They both get a small allowance ($4 for Eldest, $1 for Daughter) and I was thinking this might allow them to supplement their earnings. The tasks would be small and the reward would be a quarter each I’m thinking. Ideas on age-appropriate things they can do? Right now, they’re responsible for making their beds in the morning, cleaning their plates and place mats after dinner, hanging their towels, putting away their folded laundry, and putting their dirty clothes in the hamper. Things I was thinking of as additional include watering the plants, feeding the fish, emptying the bathroom trash can, help putting away Baby’s folded laundry, sweeping piles into the dust pan and trash, emptying the dishwasher of the kid stuff, wiping their bathroom counter (so gross with the neon toothpaste), and…

I’m trying to think of something for the toys but I think that might only become clear when March is over and the playroom is organized. Any other ideas? What kind of child labor do you have going in your house?

I’m going to kill two birds with one stone and use my FO Friday picture as my weekly photo set. Some might call it cheating, but crocheting IS a part of my life so I think it counts. Otherwise, you’d get a boring picture of a bird on a car.

An ancient friend of mine’s little brother had a baby last week so I made her something. It’s kind of a big deal when the baby siblings have kids, I think. I haven’t had that experience yet but I’m pretty sure it’ll be really moving and sort of crazy if/when that happens with MutantWino and/or MutantPirate, my younger brothers. I think that’ll just make me feel really old. Anyways, the hat and booties were pretty simple to whip up but I’m a perfectionist and each one took two attempts. They’re from the book Crochet from the Heart and I think I may add this to the Wish List of books to own (borrowing it from library right now) because it’s full of very solid basic patterns that are insanely easy to modify, customize, etc to your liking. I think this type of thing is the best way to really learn crochet and so far I’m much more pleased with the book than I’d anticipated. These are my favorite kinds of books, the ones that at first glance you dismiss but then they surprise you again and again.

Quick, Happy, Spending Challenge Update

Posted on by

jackpot

“Jackpot” by @Alex on Flickr

I got my Amazon disbursement today for a few things I sold– $65!! Instead of allowing this to supplement my budget, I’m only allowing myself to remove the shipping costs from my money spent this month since this more than covers it and I’ll add the rest of it to my rollover amount to help cushion any income issues with Ex. I added the $5.62 I spent yesterday at CVS stocking up on my beloved Purex 3-in-1 (6 boxes, 120 COMPLETE loads no additional fabric softener or dryer sheets needed) and I have $24 left for the month! This means now I can buy milk, eggs, and pancake syrup all of which we’re out of and all of which we consume heavily during weekends :) I’m so happy!!

I have to go to my other office now so I don’t know if I’ll be able to update again but I’m just so excited about this tiny development I had to share!

Hump Day Happenings

Posted on by

Syringe.

“Syringe” by VioletInk on Flickr

It’s Wednesday already. The days, weeks, months they’re just soaring past. March is right here, I just can’t believe it. I thought I would have a WIP Wednesday to show you but I left my crochet in the car and wouldn’t have had much to show you anyways. I started up an experimental pair of baby booties but I might rip them back and work on some requested baby mittens instead. I shipped another item I sold on Amazon yesterday and I bought a book for the birthday party, but went with a less expensive book that is more in line with the child’s interests and when it comes to books finding things in line with a kid’s interests is the absolute most important thing to consider, price be damned.

I have $15 left for the month’s challnge budget. I still have enough gas, food, and diapers which tend to be my biggest budget components. I am going to stock up on the detergent product which should cost me about $7.65 with taxes. But, it looks like I may make it after all. For me, the last days of the month are the hardest—not because your money’s low or whatever but because the temptation is actually higher. It’s way too easy to think, “Well the month is practically over. I almost went the WHOLE month without busting my budget and look at all of this money I’ve managed to save. It won’t be THAT bad if I bust the budget just a little.” Previous experience has taught me otherwise. Last time I did this, I went over big time (40%!) and wrote it off as no big deal because look what a good job I did regardless (i.e. it was still way less than my typical month, I still saved a lot of money, etc.). Gave myself an inch for “necessities” on the fourth to last day of the month and took a mile by the time July was said and done.

I think I know what I’m going to do about the closet. I really don’t feel right working so hard all month long to then go ahead and ruin everything by blowing my budget. I know finishing the closet is important and by not buying the tracks and installing them this weekend, I’m screwing with my de-cluttering schedule but that’s not as important as financial discipline and learning to really get all of this to work. Besides, with the birthday party on Saturday, and my dad generally busy on Sundays, I don’t even think it would be plausible to do the project this weekend and it might be much wiser to just wait until next weekend, when the kids will be with their father, to do it. I can work the cost of the project into my March budget and also include a budget for the March project space and learn to work with budgets once and for all. There just always seems to be an excuse to blow a budget and it’s not right, not if what I want requires discipline. And let’s face it, succeeding at anything requires discipline. If I buy the closet stuff and spend $65, I’ll blow by budget by 13%. Far less than the ridiculous 40% the first time I went at this but it’s still blowing the budget. I can cover it up and make it look nice with all sorts of excuses and justifications but broken is broken. I don’t think I’m punishing myself, by the way. I think I’m just making a practical and carefully considered decision. Maybe if the percentage wasn’t in the double digits, I’d be ok doing it but 13% is too high for me to be comfortable with. To compensate for the jumble in schedule I’ve decided since the closet will likely run five days into March, I will give myself permission to include the Playroom into my decluttering schedule the last five days of February. I can totally live with that.

I finished the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series last night which is good because my son is already about halfway through The Lost Hero (book one of the second Olympians series) and the library just emailed me this morning that The Red Pyramid (book one of the Egyptian series) is waiting for me. Our library holds books for two weeks so I’m going to let Eldest get closer to finishing The Lost Hero before picking up Red Pyramid. Besides, I started The Passage last night and am intrigued. I also had the completely delightful surprise of finding a friend of mine bought me Soulless and Outlander and they arrived at my house Monday. I also finished Diary of a Wimpy Kid (cute) and V for Vendetta (not cute, but totally awesome) so I think that brings me to 12 books which means my goal of 11 this year was way low. If I keep up this insane pace, I could have more than 70 books read this year!! I doubt I’ll actually keep it up, but I am curious how much I can do. And since I’m tracking my books here, I came up with the brilliant idea of creating an “I’ve Read…” notebook for Eldest. I figured I’d write all of the books he’s read this year so far and then he can maintain it as he goes, writing the names and the dates he finishes them. Can you imagine if you’d kept one of these since you were 7? I sure wish I did.

I’m in an admittedly strange mood today—sad but calm too. About a week or so ago I realized I was behaving very similarly to a person I dislike and I was shaken. Couple this with the fact I’ve been reading a story about mythology which in itself deals with archetypes and life lessons and I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. It may sound silly that a middle school book gets a 30 year old pensive but inspiration often comes from the most unexpected sources. There was a little concept that sort of burrowed into my brain and there was a moral that rang around in my skull.

The concept was of the fatal flaw—a characteristic of a character that may lead to its downfall. In my case, as in so many others, I’m pretty sure it’s my pride. I’ve always felt it gets in the way of so much. And it ties with the moral of letting one find their own path. In other words, I think I’m a bit of a control freak because of my pride. When you hear the term “letting go” you probably hear it as associated with the release of a grudge, pain, or other negative emotion. But in my case, I need to let myself go. I think I entrench myself too deeply in the lives of others, “helping” and “suggesting” and “opining” a bit too much. Everyone needs to forge their own way (the moral) and it’s scary to let the ones you love do just that. What I need to accept is my being in control of a situation does not guarantee a success and in many cases, it doesn’t even guarantee I’ll actually be in control—it’s just a perception. I need to quit that and learn to step back more. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut until asked. Unsolicited advice is the worst kind and it’s not made any more pleasant wrapped up and disguised as “not advice”.

Hey, how about I change the subject and share a creepy encounter of the actual kind?

Alright then, today was my medical screening at work. They do things like take your blood pressure (117/35, I’m practically dead), measure your height (I grew an inch! Or maybe it was the sneakers), have you step on a scale (heavier than I’d like but still in the healthy range), wrap a tape measure around your middle (under the “normal” guideline but I’m over my height’s ideal waist size by more than a couple of inches), and take your blood (the really fun part). At some point, I get the results back, enter them online and get some sort of health insurance credit thing. So, I went and did the whole thing.

When I got to the lady that draws blood I joked, “So do we get cookies and juice for this one too?” And she very seriously explained no, we don’t. Her company simply provides a service to our company and several other companies but things like cookies and juice are not what they provide. She further went on explaining our company could provide those things and probably should but it was not their responsibility. She went on some more explaining blood banks do those things because you’re often left woozy thanks to the large amounts of blood they draw but they don’t take nearly so much. She was extremely serious. She wasn’t smiling. She was monotonous and made me feel like I was the dumbest girl she’s ever come across in all of her years of providing this invaluable service.

Eventually she stuck me, filled one tube, and switched it with another. That’s when I just barely heard this… slight… noise. She noticed I noticed because she perked up and said, “Did you hear that sound? That sound of the blood going into the tube?” I nodded. She sighed and smiled, “I love that sound– the sound of the blood going into the tube. I absolutely love it.” And that was that. She was done, bandaged me, took my form, and sent me on my way.

Weekend Update: Relaxing, Planning, Budgeting

Posted on by

Well, la di da and Happy Monday to you all. It looks like I’m sort of emerging from the foggy funk I’ve been in the past several days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not by any stretch of the imagination all cheery and upbeat with a super terrific can- do attitude. I’m just sort of in my no-nonsense, enough with the excuses and the bullcrap sort of frame. Can you dig it?

I had a nice weekend. Overall relaxing by way of crocheting, visiting with friends, reading, and some more picking up and cleaning. I cleaned so well I think I’m going to crate a Family Challenge to keep the dining table clear for one whole week. Think the kids will go for it? Maybe if I bribe them with my famous ice cream sundaes at the end of the challenge? I actually completed two small crochet projects this weekend but I’ll save the full pictures so I can participate in a FO Friday for the first time this year. And, I might even have a WIP Wednesday to share.

I decided I might as well and do some crocheting until the blanket gets started and right now I’m knocking out some baby gifts for friends and still trying to figure out a great bracelet for a friend of mine. I’m pretty sure I’m going to try some sort of granny rectangle but we’ll have to see how it works out size-wise. Book-wise, I’m almost done with V for Vendetta (I’m putting off finishing it as much as possible, it’s so good) and I also started Battle of the Labyrinth. My son just spoke with me and gleefully bragged about he finished the series yesterday and has already begun The Lost Hero, the first book of the second Olympians series.

My hall closet is mostly empty. My living room is not but at least it’s mostly organized. My dad donated 16’ of shelving and their brackets to me this weekend. I just need to buy the tracks that go on the wall. Cue Spending Challenge Update!

I tend to be more spendy when the kids are with their father. This has always been especially true when I haven’t imposed some sort of spending restraint on myself. By the way, I think it’s about high time I stop calling it spending challenges and spending diets and spending restraints and just face it for what it is—a damn budget. Some months it’s going to be tighter than others but the fact is telling yourself you only have x amount of dollars to spend one month is a budget. Wrong? Right?

Anyways, back to the update. First of all, my car was ready on Friday. I paid my mechanic $462.93. $236.32 was an outstanding balance. My bill for the new repair (replacing the power steering hose and the oil change) came to $453.22. So, the other $226.61 was half of this amount. This put a dent into the money I’d been setting aside but this is what those cushions are for. I’m going to go ahead and pay the rest of this next month because I need to maintain some sort of cash cushion in place to buffer Ex’s income shortfalls. But, ok I just realized this isn’t part of the challenge so cue the REAL challenge update. Yeah!

I actually managed to not spend anything until Sunday. And then I spent:

  • $30 on gas
  • $20.25 for breakfast with a friend
  • $6.42 on newspapers for coupons (one specific very high-value coupon but there’s a couple more in there I’ll happily use)
  • $26.97 on grocery items I ran out of including much needed toilet paper

This comes to $89.26 in spending; however, I got an Amazon payment of $8.02 for one of the items I shipped earlier in the month. I’m crediting this to my spending challenge money because I spent money to make money and I think they should even out in that sort of scenario. Basically, I’ve got $30 left for the last seven days of the month, half a tank of gas, and decent amounts of food.

There’s a birthday party this weekend for the son of a friend of mine I haven’t seen in over a year.  I’m a bit torn on what to do here. On the one hand, I want to give him a book because that’s my standard kids’ birthday present. Books cost money. The one I particularly want to give him comes in at about $11 give or take. On the other hand, I obviously have the supplies on hand to make him something. I have Amazon prime so I have until early Wednesday to make a decision. What do you think? He’s celebrating his seventh birthday. Do they ever get too old for stuffed toys?

For groceries, there are a couple of things I’m out of which I need to pick up like milk and eggs (coupons for both) and I’m taking advantage of the big Purex sale this week to stock up on my absolute favorite laundry item in the world (also, the ONLY laundry item I need and that’s so awesome).

I think I might make it. I might cut it really super duper close, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to make it. That is, of course, if I don’t finish the closet project this month and here is my damn quandary. By the way, before I continue I am finding it hilarious the always grumpy untenureds have a post up today about their thoughts on external effects of spending—specifically not having any free time as a way to drastically cut spending.

 You know I’m on a mission to get rid of as much “extra” and “unnecessary” in my house (and life too) as possible. To make sure I actually do this thoroughly, I’ve imposed a sort of restriction on myself to do only one room a month—no more, no less. This month is the hall closet. The majority of the de-cluttering work in this area is done. I can probably afford to go through my Halloween and Christmas décor to eliminate a few things even further but what’s really looming over me is how to put everything back.

The hall closet I have is deep and makes much more sense as a coat room although that itself is sort of dumb in a hot, tropical climate. It has a shelf and clothes rod all around. But that’s it for shelving. I think this is what’s really ruined my past organizing attempts in this place. The shelf is high and hard to reach so I try and put stuff I need rarely up there. The problem is, everything else goes on the floor in piles. This sort of system makes the majority of things either completely inaccessible or very difficult to access. In other words, it’s dysfunctional. It’s clear I need shelves. And now I have them, but I need to purchase a crucial part—the tracks which go for $9.54 each at Home Depot. I’m pretty sure I’ll need 4-6 depending on final measurements and may need to purchase the screws. I’ve estimated the cost to come out to $65 on the high end. Budget buster.

If I go ahead with this project, and Ex doesn’t give me another penny, my spreadsheet tells me I’ll have about a $600 cushion to rollover into next month. This is not the $1,000 I wanted but that’s been out of the question since my friend and I discovered my car was leaking power steering fluid pretty steadily.

What do I do?

My thinking goes like this. If I buy the tracks, I can install the system this weekend with help from my dad and a friend. This means, I can declare the closet complete by the end of the month and can begin to plan for next month’s target—the massive playroom and adjoining laundry closet. I also may want to learn from my experience and budget for some type of organizing expense to occur next month. I most likely won’t need it because there is a good enough amount of storage in there as-is, it’s just not being utilized properly, but you never know and I had re-organzing related expenses when I did the kitchen project so it’s clearly not unwise to think about.

If I don’t buy the tracks, I won’t be able to call the closet complete until next weekend—the first weekend of March. In the meanwhile, I’ll be wanting to start the playroom despite the fact the hall closet contents would still be in the living room. Not only that but I’d have to include the closet’s expense with the March budget and I already know I have to pay the rest of the car repair next month and may have some expenses in the playroom. I also remain clueless as to what to expect for income from Ex next month (I’d ask but what he says doesn’t mean anything).

Thoughts?

7/52: Kids at Work

Posted on by

Assignment: Draw a picture of your family and practice writing your name. She drew herself, her two brothers, my mom, and me. I love the way she writes her name. She writes it meticulously, tiny, and very prettily.

Monkey see, monkey do, of course. He usually makes me write Mommy and all of their names but this time he was content coloring next to his sister.

Really quick spending challenge update. Some light groceries, shipping items sold on Amazon, diapers, toothpaste, and deodorant all had to be purchased since my last update leaving me with $112.86 to go. Eleven more days. No kids this weekend which can either go extremely well or extremely bad. Already turned my best friend down on an invitation to an Arts Festival and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to celebrate another friend’s birthday at a restaurant on Saturday.

I am pretty sure I’m going to have to adopt this challenge at least another month, if not a few more. I don’t want to because this has taken a lot of work to keep at these levels and it’s been pretty stressful as well, but the fact is I have no idea what to expect from Ex financially anymore. He made another small payment the other day and even that was a hundred dollars less than he’d initially told me. He also threw two pieces of news at me: One that he get a new job with a well-known communications company (cable/internet/phone type of place) and two that he would most likely move back with his parents. Moving back with his parents should free up significant income for him hopefully meaning I will be able to have more dependable income from him; however, he has been rather vague about what the pay at the new job would be like besides defining it as ”more solid” whatever that means.

I am now in debt with my parents not only because they have been helping me cover the gaps in Ex’s income but because there was a last-minute decision to re-enroll the kids in their private school this year meaning a registration fee I hadn’t been saving for because I was under the impression they weren’t going. So, that will add to the debt I owe them and because of their own financial situation, I can’t let this debt hang in there while I demolish my interest-laden debt. This also means I have to save for next year’s registration fee. This won’t be a problem going forward except that Baby is still in daycare. When he begins the school this August, daycare costs will free up but will have to go to all of this other stuff. I haven’t even mentioned summer camp which seems like an absolute no way Jose. Oh yeah, and the $1,000 I owe the lawyer.

So, right now I have the delightful scenario that involves the following: severely reduced and unreliable income from Ex, additional expenses, and additional debt. Not to mention my car is at the mechanic right now while they try to figure out why it’s leaking power steering fluid. It’s also getting a tune-up since she’s just under 110K miles. I don’t foresee being able to contribute any snowball to my debt this year. In other words, I find myself in the midst of a financial shitstorm. As a matter of fact, I worked out the absolute best situation income-wise: Ex pays the outstanding child support and pays the full amounts every month for the rest of the year. This will allow me to rebuild my crisis fund, repay my parents’ debt, the lawyer, and set aside next year’s registration fees and have $2440 leftover which will likely have to be set aside for my car (or depending on how bad the situation is right now, pay the car repair). In this best case scenario, the first snowball payment would be able to go out in August this year. The worst case scenario is that Ex pays me nothing at all the rest of the year and I end up declaring bankruptcy. So, they tell me to look in the middle and try to figure out what is most likely to happen. In that case, I calculate Ex will pay about half what he owes every month which would mean: I would have to adopt the strict spending budget for the rest of the year and will be at best breaking even on expenses until August at which point I could start repaying my parents’ debt and barely make a dent. I will be in no position to pay next year’s registration fees when they are due. This, I think, is simply a more realistic worst case scenario. I’m frustrated and nauseated.

The fact my financial health is still very much adversely affected by Ex is absolutely infuriating. I keep cutting and cutting to the bone to make ends meet, and he has the audacity to tell me he shouldn’t have to live like a pauper (while he talks to me on the newest iPhone from his laptop online in his luxury condo with a bay view with the giant LCD TV blaring ESPN in the background). All I want is to be able to get this debt off my back and it feels like every time I get close to picturing the freedom, tasting it, dreaming about it, the debt digs its claws deeper and even manages to grow. I keep trying to think of ways to increase income because that seems the only alternative left, but can’t really come up with much else besides selling my stuff bit by bit. Having kids and a full-time job makes part-time work practically impossible to have. I don’t know how many places would be willing to hire someone who can only work every Wednesday and every other weekend. When things get like this, I feel like everything is futile.

This sort of thing also makes me want to throttle myself because this right here is Instant Gratification at work. The fact is, fixing debt takes time. I know this, but I battle accepting what that really means. It means definitely not this year. It means, maybe, next year. It means, most likely, two years from now. It means slow and steady is the only option. So why do I get myself like this? I’m not even sure but I do know I’ve worn myself out.

I stayed a bit late in the office yesterday and was rewarded with this: