Posts tagged ‘Motherhood’

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May 7, 2012

Window Shopping

First things first, I had a lovely weekend but it had its price and that is Total Exhaustion.

I bombed the final. I walked in there and realized I left my calculator at work and then I proceeded to blank out. I left 6 questions blank (no multiple choice) of the 25. I was doubtful on a few more. So yeah. That sucked.

But I got in the car I had my little cry and then I went shopping. Didn’t do too badly. I bought a dress for the Communion the next day and Daughter some sandals that fit her for her dress and I bought myself a beautiful purse. I spent about $60 total so I’m pleased as punch.

Communion was beautiful and emotional and my little one looked so big and grown up in his navy blazer and white linen pants. The Ex was there with his girl and his side of the family. And I was fine. I had a huge smile on my face because I was one proud mama and there was nothing they could do to take it off. I even took a photo with Eldest and Ex since the photographer offered. My mom had a really nice brunch waiting for us with a gorgeous cake and I would love to share photos but the camera is at home and I haven’t uploaded anything yet. There is a super cute shot of Eldest and me that I adore. I’d love to blow it up.

Sunday we went to the ice skating rink for a birthday party and that really made me sore and exhausted.

Now it’s Monday. And I have found out my division did NO layoffs on Friday. Unfortunately, it was not because our division is to be unaffected, but because Those Who Are in Charge were given an extension to modify the list of people to be cut or something like that. So back in limbo. The difference is this time I truly don’t care. People are really angry about the way they’ve handled things and I was too but not anymore. Now I’m just too tired and burnt out and I’m so worn out mentally that I don’t even care my life is on pause, I actually welcome it as a breather.

Anyways, my little shopping trip did give me a case of the wanties so I thought I’d have fun with it and window shop. Make it my Top Ten Wanties List in case someone is clueless for Mother’s Day but mostly because I want to and it can be fun.

Top Ten Mutant Supermodel Wants

  1. Vogue Knitting 2012 Crochet– It comes out tomorrow, it’s $7 and it’s chock full of gorgeous projects.
  2. Betsey Johnson or Betseyville-- First of all, never ever anything full-price from her please. The purse I bought myself was actually a Betseyville purse but I got it at Ross so I paid nowhere near retail. As much as I love Betsey, I’ll leave it to other girls to pay her retail prices. I’ve seen her jewelry marked down at places like Nordstrom Rack. Betseyville purses are always to be found in Marshalls and Ross. And lots of her other stuff can be found in those stores too. Her shoes usually end up in DSW or something like that. I’ve even seen her clothes at Marshalls, the pajamas and undies at least.
  3. Shoes– I need shoes in the worst way– especially the basics. I love some good old fashioned pumps, closed toe or peep toe at most. Anything bigger and I feel like my toes are sprawling out over the edge and it’s gross. But I also like flats and would like more of them– especially the ballet style. When I say the ballet ones I mean the ones with the elastic all around the opening of the shoe that you can scrunch up the shoe and stuff. Love those. The other ones almost always end up hurting me.
  4. Hair Stuff– I would love some hair stuff. Clips, barrettes, pins, combs, bands, whatever. I find myself leaning more towards romantic styles like pin-up, flapper, or bohemian. The girlier the better really.
  5. Lush– Freaking Lush. I miss Lush so much. It’s one of the first things that went out the window when the money evaporated. I used to indulge in something from Lush every once in a while. Now I can’t even remember the last time I reveled in their yummy bath stuff. When I was really into them, the main product I would buy was the bath bombs. Something about those products, and other bath products really, just make me want to be sure I set aside time for a bath. When I got super frugal and stopped buying myself the bath stuff, I stopped taking baths too. Showers only. That is so not like me. Whether it was a bubble bath or salts or oil, I would draw myself an amazing bath all the time and melt into it with a book (or even knitting swear to god) after the kids were in bed. Of course, I’m not a bath elitist. I don’t really care if it’s from Lush or not, if it’s a bath product I’m super happy. It’s just that Lush is for me the ultimate in luxurious bath time spoilification. And since this is a top ten not mediocre ten, there you go.
  6. Jewelry Holder(s)– The last time I had a legitimate jewelry holder it was the bright red jewelry box the thieves easily snagged off my dresser and took with them a few years ago. Bastards. Now I know better and keep my good stuff carefully hidden all over the place. But the thieves were smart and they left behind pretty much everything that was costume. And since I don’t have much money, most of the jewelry I have gotten since the robbery has been costume as well. This means, I have a lot of costume jewelry. It’s mostly thrown in a drawer. I also have some of it in a tea tin, some more in a little glass container that I think is meant for cotton swabs or something, and strewn on the dresser. So a cute jewelry holder thingy, or three, would be great. And you know what? I have seen so many adorable versions of this sort of thing, I’m not linking to any examples because I’ve thought they were all adorable.
  7. Tops– When I changed sizes, the first thing that had to go was pants. Pants were downright painful to wear because they were too small. When I’ve shrunk in sizes, they’re embarrassing to wear because they’re too big and slip down all the time. But the one thing I cling to for dear life is tops. What a mistake. Not that long ago I finally caved and bought a few tops in my new size, a medium, and was astonished. They looked so pretty! Well at least the more adult tops, the bigger ones. The tighter cut t-shirts need to be a large. For t-shirts I like the funny and cute graphic ones more than your typical plain tee. Bonus points if it’s nerdy or geeky or whatever. And despite the fact I bought a few tops, it was five and five tops isn’t enough. So I would love to move away from my too small stuff and into my more flattering bigger stuff. That’d be great.
  8. Frames– I love art, I really do. I have some artwork and photographs stashed in my storage closet waiting for frames. I even have enough kid-friendly art to make them an entire kid art wall in the play room. But I need frames. In all sizes, even those funky ones like 10 x 14 or 11 x 17. I even need a big movie poster frame for this great Curious George poster I have. So yes, frames. Frames would be fabulous. I don’t care about style or color because I mix it all up anyways.
  9. Accessories– I had a lot of fun this year with the Accessories Month in the De-Frumpiness Project because it really took me out of my comfort rut zone. So I’m totally open to accessories of all sorts. Scarves, pins, bracelets, necklaces, whatever. I would also tie in make up and nail stuff into here because to me, it’s the whole package. You know those Sally Hansen Nail Polish strips? I’d love to try them. All that kind of stuff is awesome to me. Heck I even need makeup brushes in a bad, bad way. What can I say? This happens when you neglect yourself for years.
  10. Crochet Stuff– I really do love to crochet and it’s something I intend to hang on to forever. I love the portability of it and the neatness of it when it’s in progress. I love the finished products. I love the flexibility. I just really love to do it. With crochet, all you need is a hook and some yarn. I’m not picky about the types of yarns. I can always use more hooks. All sizes, all types. I’m happy and carefree that way. And of course there’s extra fun stuff in crochet like crochet hook cases. And there are some great crochet books too, in addition to that amazing Crochet magazine issue up there at the top spot.

So there we have it. I hope you had fun window shopping. It’s so fun to just look at pretty stuff some times. What are your Top Three Wanties right now?

Posted in Single Mom | 10 Comments »

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April 6, 2012

Mutant Supermodel gets Hair-larious

You should know that just now I was at my standing desk dancing to M.I.A.’s Paper Planes (Diplo Street Mix) and because I’m behind my desk I had kicked off my heels and because I was dancing I tripped on them and because my chair was directly behind me I collapsed straight into it. That’s totally chuckle-worthy right?

It’s Friday. It’s Friday and I had such a horribly stressed out day yesterday that I am forcing myself to let go and relax and be silly and lite and total fluff. I’m not even going to be mysterious. I’ll just come right out and tell you that yesterday sucked because the people I work with in Office #2 filled me with complete panic about my job security. The university’s medical school has been adversely affected by the calamity that has beset our city’s one and only public hospital with which we are closely affiliated with. This is of course trickling up and per the rumor mill the administrative jobs are under close scrutiny. Some people insist that doesn’t include mine and some people insist it does include mine and yesterday I was with the second group and though I’m not proud to admit it, they totally got to me.

Now after having several hours away from that atmosphere I’m not so panicked anymore and am more in my original attitude towards the whole thing– I do think I am safe because the project I work for is very lucrative, I am the only admin that is fully funded by the project, and I do have something to do with the project’s profitability although how much those in charge would be willing to acknowledge that is not something I can really guess at. If the opposite is true and I am not protected by my project’s profitability, then it’s true– I am the most likely to go because of lots and lots of reasons. And even though that sort of makes me sad, it’s not really fazing me. It’s just a sign that something in my logic, something in my plans, isn’t right and I have to fix it and this is one way of correcting that.

But back to fluff and stuff right?

On Monday I asked you guys what to De-Frump next and 50% of the voters chose Hair. I’m actually kind of happy about that. My kids go on spring break now so I actually have a week of mornings with more time. I also got a haircut last month and have been enjoying playing with it.

So bring out the hair products and the accessories and put away the scrunchies and banana clips (none of us actually have those right? Ha. Ha.). Let’s figure out how to use these bobby pin things. Let’s look at some hair tutorial videos on YouTube. You can be edgy. You can be feminine. You can be pop. You can be rock. You can curl. You can straighten. You can poof. You can smooth.

If you’d like to play along this month, I’m going to encourage you to share photos. And I am going to give you LOTS of ways to do that ok? So if you do something with your hair you are happy with, send it my way via:

I know a lot of you are camera shy so I figure this might be fun because you can take lots of pictures of hair without showing your face. I know it sounds wrong, but trust me. Have fun with it this month, let’s go a little crazy. Send me photos of hair-related things that inspire you. Send me before and after photos. Send me links to hair tutorials. You know that fantasy that guys have of a bunch of girls at a slumber party doing each others hair in their underwear? Well it’s kind of like that except we’re all on the internet and I’m guessing most of us will be fully dressed but you totally don’t have to be if you don’t want to be.

I’ll kick it off by showing you the collage I put together and took with me to the hairdresser last month for my hair inspiration. That way you can see that before you see how my hairdresser actually did and how I’m wearing it.

Have fun!

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April 4, 2012

How much do you spend on your kids?

It always amuses me when people with no children ask people with children questions about having children. It amuses because it’s sort of  an exercise in futility and you’ll only understand that once you have kids.

Simply put, there is no way to wrap your head around what life will be like when you have children. Don’t try and argue with it. It doesn’t matter if you teach a daycare. It doesn’t matter if you were the one that raised your younger siblings. It doesn’t matter at all what life has brought you, you will never be the same once you’ve had a child.

This isn’t a bad thing so I don’t know why people sort of panic when you say that. Yes there are certainly circumstances where people lose their sense of identity but we all go through identity crises and most of us go through them at multiple points in our life.

I can’t tell you what it will be like when you have a child. I can’t tell you how things will change. And besides, even if I did sit and list the millions of ways I have changed after having children, you will undoubtedly say “That will never happen to me” regarding all of the not fun stuff.

I was poking around at GRS wondering what the hell happened to JD since his personal blog was alerting me it was an “Attack Site!” with a big red scary banner. I don’t read GRS anymore because I felt the site got stale. I mean seriously how many ways can you talk about investments and cutting expenses and increasing income?

It was whilst poking around I came across the post Ask the Readers: How much do you spend on kids? I like these types of questions because I track my expenses and this sort of question gives my tracking purpose. I should note that because of my divorce, I diligently track my kid-related expenses separately from mine as much as I can.

I was curious about my own spending and looked into it. This year, I have spent $3,000 on my kids. That breaks down to $1000 a month, at roughly $333 each child. I wasn’t sure how I was doing compared to last year so I looked. Last year, I spent $12,331 on my kids so I’m right on track. Now, here’s the thing. This number isn’t a complete picture and it can’t be a complete picture to a certain degree.

Why? It doesn’t include all of my child-related expenses.

What the amount covers

  • Private school registration (My folks help with the tuition)
  • School-related expenses (field trips, yearbook pictures, teachers gift pools, fundraisers, activities, etc.)
  • Extra-curricular activities
  • Summer Camp
  • Clothing
  • Uninsured medical costs
  • Personal care
  • Allowance
  • Gifts

What the amount doesn’t cover

  • Health insurance. My insurance would be free if it was just me but I have children to cover and I pay $222 a month for that plus another $32 for dental.
  • Food. I am not so particular as to try and break out the cost of food for the children from my own but for the purpose of this post, we’ll do some averages. I spent $8200 on food last year. We were a family of four. They are three and I am one. Their portion of that is $6150 ($512.50 a month). Obviously, this is a rough rough number because of portions and food out and all of that but I bet it sort of averages out in the end.
  • Rent. I live in a big house because I have three children. This one is tough for me to adjust because I pay very cheap rent for the type of house I rent. $1500 is the average for many apartments so for me to rent a 3 bedroom house at that price is spectacular. I’m not sure I’d be saving much money if I was on my own especially as I’d probably be living in a more expensive part of town like the beach. Where I would save on housing costs would be in the stuff that goes into houses. I’d have less rooms to furnish for instance and I’d also most likely have lower utilities.
  • Auto. Ok this one I know I can blame on the kids. I hate big cars. I love small cars. I had the cutest most awesome little tiny Mitsubishi and it’s loan was ending the same month Daughter was born. We couldn’t fit in the car with her infant car seat in the back. Well I could but no other adult. No it wasn’t a sports car, it was just a tiny little Mirage. That thing was awesome and would’ve lasted me years. It was stick and had no-frills and I took care of it. But I had to trade it in for something bigger. Larger car = larger car payment + larger insurance payment + larger gas payments. Funny enough, my current car is ending its loan this year and its giving me problems. The car is a 2003 Nissan Murano and apparently the previous owner didn’t do a great job maintaining it because it has a bunch of problems in the engine. And as much as I am pining for something tiny again I know it’s not feasible (I would totally drive a Smart Car or a Prius or a Yaris or whatever else is micro). We are now a family of five with Boyfriend living with us and when his daughter comes to visit, we’re a family of six who don’t fit in the Murano. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m looking at minivans. They don’t retain their value which is great for buyers (me) and they’re roomy which is great for families (us). I am trying to deal with the identity crisis this is bringing on, trust me.

So there you go. This is how much I spend on my kids. And I don’t think the amount spent fluctuates as the ages change, I believe everything sort of evens itself out with certain expenses fitting right in and compensating for the other. Yeah the big ones don’t wear diapers but they wreck their clothes and shoes. They don’t have daycare but they have school and extra-curriculars and summer camps. When they’re babies, they outgrow toys and things quickly but when they’re older their tastes and the tastes of their friends change just as fast.

That being said, I have a feeling this year will see an uptick in how much I’m spending on the kids because I’m receiving consistent child support payments. Last year, I had gone several months in the beginning of the year receiving either very little or nothing at all. We simply went without a lot of things.

One last thing I’d like to say is I’m not arguing the point that having children is expensive. The bottom line is money earned is money spent. What does happen when you have kids is you have way more restrictions on how your money is spent. More of your money is going into resources leaving less of your money free for you to manage as you wish. That is the important thing to think about if you’re thinking about the cost of having kids.

Amounts are pointless. They simply vary way too much by way too many factors. The important thing to consider is how much of your money is allocated to essentials and how much is left over for you to direct as you wish– into accelerated debt repayment, travel, investments, retirement, hobbies, self-improvement, etc. If you are having a very hard time covering the essentials, you are going to be in for a rough ride when children come into your life. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but you’d better be ready to cut expenses and raise income. If you can’t do that, you might want to hold off on children. If you are not having a hard time covering the essentials but you and your partner can’t envision yourselves letting go of a lot of the non-essentials you might want to have a serious talk about children or at least be prepared for a series of identity crises. A lot of those non-essentials are going to disappear. I can’t tell you which ones, I don’t think you can either for what it’s worth, and I can’t tell you how many. For some people, it’s been hardly any. For other people, it’s been practically all of them.

Those are the kinds of things to think about if you’re considering children. Forget amounts, fixed or ranges, and just think about your financially dependent life experiences.

For other parents: Have you ever figured out how much you spend on your kids? Did you notice a pattern in spending increase or decrease with age? I haven’t but my three are in pre-school and elementary so I haven’t experienced the full range of child-rearing yet. How many times do you find yourself thinking, “I would totally spend money on that if I didn’t have kids”?

For non-parents: What’s the biggest thing that freaks you out about having kids? Or are you super gung-ho to have them?

Posted in Money, Motherhood, Single Mom | 11 Comments »

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