Tag Archives: Holidays

Christmas Shopping: The Update

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I’m trudging. But it’s not a bad thing. I feel like I should clarify because for some reason, trudging has a negative connotation in my mind. Can’t trudging be a good thing some times?

Sorry, back to the point.

My budget? It. Is. Working?

Remember how I wrote about the gift guilt complex? Well, so far I’m handling it pretty well!

I went ahead and wrote out my list with the budgeted amount next to each name. And then I put it in my purse. It is always with me. So if I see something and it reminds me of a certain someone, I can do a quick check on my list and see if it’s in my budget. There are 41 items on my budget, by the way. That’s why the need for a portable list exists in my case.

I’ve completed 28 of the 41. And actually, I’ve gone over budget on several of them.

But I’ve also come under budget on many others. And this is the important part for me. Because I am rewiring the system this year and I’m not even stressing it.

Yes, I love the people on my Christmas list. I really would love to do good things for them and give them lots of great stuff I know they’d enjoy or they need or whatever. I really would because that’s the kind of thing that I enjoy doing.

But I’m getting better to accepting there are limits to generosity because at the end of the day, bills have to get paid. Like the $542 auto repair bill I got this morning. And the rent. And the groceries. And the prescriptions.

I used to think really specific budgets were crappy for me. Now I’m back to wondering if maybe I should re-think this. I’ve been putting time into my 2012 annual budget. Usually I end up tinkering with different months, raising this and lowering that. But this year, I’d like to make it as uniform and seamless as I possibly can. I want to set it up and just let it do its thing.

And believe it or not, part of that is making me consider envelopes. Again. I don’t know. The Christmas thing has worked out well for me but it’s not like I had the funds for each person set aside in envelopes. I just had them written on a sheet of paper. I updated it constantly to show how much I had left for a particular person or how much I blew it by.

I do track my spending on Excel but maybe this is something I need to think about– the visibility factor. The quick check-in. Maybe I need something old skool for my purse? Thoughts?

Oh regarding Tinsel, he’ll meet his demise on December 31st. I made this decision for a few reasons. One, my next influx of money isn’t until December 17 and I fear if I open him up earlier I’ll be too tempted to use him to make ends meet or to buy other people’s presents and then, poof, bye bye Tinsel. Two, I am going on my first actual big road trip with the kids December 26. Again, I’m afraid I’ll be too tempted to use him frivolously on the trip or to supplement trip expenditures.  That’s not the purpose of Tinsel so I’m going to get all Cuban with it. I’ll empty him out on the 31st and treat myself with a gift for Three Kings Day. Plus that means I can start saving up all year again for my very own Treat Yo Self Day (thank you Niki a million times for that one)!

Are you done with your shopping yet? Have you started? Did you start and hit a snag? Did you think about starting and then thought some more? Did you start and are just trudging right through?

Brain Dump: The Cute, The Gross, and The Mundane

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Brain Coral
“Brain Coral” by Scott Kinmartin, on Flickr

The Boyfriend does this thing that is so insanely cute, it inspires violent urges in me. He leaves me messages on the mirror. I think he writes them in the steam when he’s done with a shower. When I get out of my shower, there they are plain as day. I write back a response but I don’t know if he sees them. So I don’t know if he knows I see the ones he writes me because I haven’t told him. Then again if he reads this… Yeah I’m passive that way.

Speaking of super cute feel-good stuff, Eldest is awesome at saying the sweetest heart-melting things to me. Seriously. He always tells me things like he loves me more than something crazy AND something even more crazy. Or he tells me his favorite place to be is anywhere I am. He tells me at least once a day how I’m the best mom in the universe (sorry to burst your bubble, moms!). So for Future Girlfriends, please know if he doesn’t shower you with words of sweetness  it is either because a) You are not awesome enough to be worthy of his sweetest affections (Ha, I win!) OR b) Some ridiculous Hussy of the Future broke his sweet spirit and she will experience my wrath, mark my words. But yes it has nothing at all to do with the way I raised him. I am doing my due diligence in raising an Openly Affectionate Boy.

I keep thinking about Ashley Quiñones lately. And a lot of other people who have big trials in their lives. I share the floor with this program that works with children under the age of three. It’s like an early intervention programs for kids who show developmental problems. Anyways, the case workers choose the neediest family in their groups and give them baskets of food at Thanksgiving time. I found out about it the day before they were going to put together the baskets and I had planned on going to Publix that night anyways. So I picked up a few things with my coupons and then I went home and shopped my pantry. I brought a bunch of bags in figuring they could spread the goodies amongst the different families. But they decided I had brought in so much stuff, they could make an entire basket out of it to supplement a gift card they had bought. They gave it to a family where the head of the household is a grandmother and her four grandchildren. Three are under the age of three, and the fourth is in the primary grades. The mother is in jail for attempted murder, of her mother, the grandmother caring for the kids. Can you imagine? And to think I complain when I get frustrated about how hard it is to raise three kids by myself!

It might be weird to have this thought after the one I just wrote about but I am really eager to get going on Christmas shopping. I guess maybe because I’m feeling so grateful, I want to get out there and keep expressing it in ways I can. And of course, my loved ones deserve so much of gratitude. Oddly enough, I’m stumped as far as the kids go. I try and go by the whole “Something they want, something they need, and something to read” philosophy but I get to the Want part and my brain short-circuits. Not because I can’t think of anything but because I can’t think of anything they would want that would not make me roll my eyes. Except the Kindle Fire. Kind of.

Speaking of things that make me roll my eyes, Baby is driving me crazy with the potty training problems. I don’t want to get into gross details but it comes down to this: the kid hates pooping but because I have him on a steady diet of Fiber Gummies, he can’t hold it in very well. I’ve been so frustrated with it all. His teachers have been patient and awesome and we’re going to try a new system to see if we can get him over this fear of pooping he’s had since he was 5 months old pretty much. It’s just a matter of time before the kids really start taunting him for it. Yesterday he covered the slide, and himself, in poop.

I can’t wait to cash out my Christmas Pig. But I have no idea what to treat myself with. Why? Because I am overwhelmed with the Wanties. Clothes, shoes, jewelry, art, area rugs, a new bed, curtains, a camera, a camcorder, and so on and so forth dominate my long list of Wanties.

I am not overwhelmed with the handmade urge like I was last year. That makes me sad. I have ideas but no gumption.

What about you and your randomness?

The Gift Guilt Complex

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Gift ribbon heart and bokeh

“Gift Ribbon Heart & Bokey” by Moa Maria on Flickr

When it comes to gifts, I have two distinct personalities: The Receiver and the Giver.

I’m the easiest Receiver in the world. I’m very grateful for every gift I receive no matter how small. I don’t care if you got it at the thrift store, a garage sale, or Neiman Marcus. I love handmade. I just very much appreciate that you took a moment to think of me and let me know with a gift- any sort of gift.

As a Giver though? Well, I have a bit of a problem. Gift-giving to me is very stressful and it has to do with one major flaw in my thinking.

I pay attention to the cost/value of the item I am giving.

It’s not the only thing I look at, granted, but I have shied away from certain gifts because I was afraid they would be perceived as cheap. Price is a determining factor.

This sort of thinking is partially the reason I loathe gift cards. There is a price tag right on the gift! I was brought up in an environment where it was always tacky to leave the price tag on.

I find it strange I have this issue as a Giver because it doesn’t figure into my experience as a Receiver. I’m not even sure where it came from exactly because my parents, and the majority of my family members, aren’t the materialistic type. Actually, I’ve always thought of my parents as pretty thrifty people. My mother is a bargain-hunting queen!

The thing is, I don’t want to do this. I feel as if my gift is less sincere if I shy away from an item because of its cheap price or gravitate to a different item because of its higher price. Just typing that makes me feel somewhat petty and childish.

There is one huge exception to my price tag problem, handmade gifts.

I don’t feel awkward or cheap giving them. And when budgets have been slim, I’ve done those gifts in the past. But this year, I’m completely wiped out and I just know gift-making is not going to happen. So, working with slim budgets is my only alternative.

And I feel so weird about it.

Yesterday, I wrote up a budget for Christmas. It’s $1500 and that’s with slim individual gift budgets that I am not comfortable with honestly.When I was married, we gave much more extravagant gifts- especially to our immediate family.

The killer is, that amount is very high and is really not even very realistic for me. I have a lot of expenses this time of year outside of Christmas and I haven’t done a good job at all of saving money for things.

Right now, I was on Amazon because I had a great idea for a gift for my Mom. It’s the kind of thing I know she’ll really enjoy and I know it’ll show her I know what she loves and enjoys and it’s directly tied to a couple of conversations we had ages ago. It’s the kind of gift I feel only I could give to my Mom if that makes sense.

Well, when I hopped on Amazon I found the price was very reasonable. But right away my brain noted it was only half of the budget I had designated for my Mom. Instead of being happy about this, I got nervous and instantly thought of ways I could supplement the gift to reach the budgeted amount.

And that’s when I had the ridiculously embarrassing “Duh” moment that prompted this whole post.

I’m glad I caught on to this early in the shopping season. I’m glad I realized it because I don’t think it’s healthy.

I don’t have $1500. I fully intended to have Christmas saved up for and yet all I managed to squirrel away was about $200. If I manage to actually spend the $1500 for Christmas, which is NOT hard to do with a family the size of mine, I know it’s going to cause more stress and leave me with Post-Christmas Guilt and Depression.

I really love my family. And I really love to give them gifts.

But I need to let go of the Price Tag and Budget thing I have going on.

My budget is not an amount I am obligated to spend, it’s a limit to how much I can spend. And this distinction is one I have problems with over and over again. Even while creating the budget, I found a flaw in my thinking.

Let’s say I assigned Co-Worker a $10 budget. My brain right away started brainstorming ten dollar items that would be suitable. I didn’t even think about sales tax if the item is purchased locally, or delivery charges if the item is purchased online.

I do that all of the time and then get frustrated and confused when my budget is blown. People tell me I’m really smart, but when I have these “a-ha” moments, I really feel I should disagree.

What about you? Do you wing Christmas? Do you budget every cent? Do you write a budget and blow it consistently?Are you already done with Christmas? Any advice?

Oh Christmas pig, Oh Christmas pig!

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Christmas Pig

"Christmas Pig" by Justin Belcher

Here’s a quick little idea I had that I wanted to share.

I have a routine where I empty my wallet daily and put the ones in a little box. I use the ones to pay the kids’ allowances. Sometimes, I have enough ones in there to pay allowances for a month and sometimes I have just enough for the week. It depends on how much cash I’m using, but it overall has helped me always have money on hand to pay them and that’s been a real sanity saver and guilt curber.

I’ve wanted to use more cash more often because I think it limits me better than a card does and I’d like to get in the habit of going cash only for 90% of my day to day expenses.

Now, I have an incentive to do that.

I have a piggy bank.

Every time my wallet looks huge and gross, I empty the coins out into it. I wasn’t really sure what to do with the money this year.

But now I do.

I came up with a little incentive to dump my change into my piggy bank. My change is going to buy my Christmas present to myself. It’s not going to go towards my Christmas present, it will pay for my Christmas present in full.

What’ll it be? Depends on how much money my little piggy’s got when I cash it out at the end of the year.

I figure this will help me in a couple ways.

1) I want to use cash as much as possible as we head into the chaos of the end of the year. I behave so much better when I know I can only buy x amount of dollars worth of stuff because there’s only x amount of dollars in my wallet. With the little plastic card thing, it gets fuzzy. I know I only have x amount of dollars to spend on y thing but I don’t know know, you know? Anyhow using more cash inevitably leads to more cha-ching, cha-ching for the little piggy wiggy.

2) It’ll curb satisfying the wanties. Or at least delay it. And then I won’t be dipping into any other type of money to satisfy the holiday wanties. I think the reason the wanties really kick into gear around the end of the year is because we get absolutely bombed with advertising and subconscious messages to want things that are shiny and bright. Not to mention, most of us shop for gifts and just in doing so we are exposed to things. I’m a sucker for things. Nice, pretty, lovely things.

3) I’ll be doing something for me and it’s not of negative consequence on anything else. Not to mention, I’m a single mom of three wee ones. If I don’t spoil me, no one else will and that’s completely fine with me.

So, I’ll be focused on feeding my pig and fattening him up for my totally self-indulgent Christmas slaughter.

Do you have any totally ridiculous silly little games you play to motivate yourself? Don’t you think my piggy bank needs a name? Should I take a picture of him to encourage a pig-naming brainstorming session?

P.S. Do take a moment to read the article I linked to up there. It is amazing.

Half Wip

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Today is Wednesday. On this blog, that generally means I particpate in Tami’s WIP Wednesday and show you photos of my fantastic works in progress. I actually have two WIPs but only photographed one because I left the other at home and forgot to take photos of it before leaving the house. I am doing one knit project and one crochet project and frankly, we need a chat.

I mentioned Mother’s Day in my last WIP post as well as ambition and special yarn for special projects for special ladies. So, the yarn came in on Saturday which was exactly two days ahead of schedule which I took as a sign from the heavens that perhaps I’d been overly negative and doubtful and I was indeed meant to create those presents I’d fantasized over.

Not to mention over the weekend, my mother came and glimpsed the complete Hi-Five towel (wait until you see it) and was just gushing how amazing it’d be for Abuela… who was not the intended recipient. However, it turns out I will not be seeing the Intended Recipient on Mother’s Day after all or any time relatively soon. So, I scratched Intended Recipient off the gift list and found I now only had to make three more projects instead of the initially planned four.

Another sign from the heavens!

So it was I cast on Summer Flies. And ripped it back. And cast it on. And ripped it back. And did this over and over again for about six times total before I finally “got it”. Boy was I out of knitting shape. And even when I “got it” I didn’t really “get it” as evidenced by the first section of “Butterflies” which I now refer to as “Abstract Lace” instead.

This project was giving me a major headache. I had to pay major attention to what I was doing. I kept having too many stitches or too few stitches and I’m still pretty sure I am not doing certain stitches properly but my Stitch n Bitch book is nowhere to be found and there was no way in staplers I am ripping anything back at this point to fix a silly mistake. 

So then, in what seems to be an emerging pattern this week, divine entities once again intervened and made me take a break. I know you’re wondering how divinity can interfere with something like a knitting project so let me enlighten you– the divine beings took the page of the pattern I was working on and did who knows what to it. All I know is it was nestled in my project bag one moment and the next moment, it wasn’t. They didn’t even have the decency to turn it into Dove dark chocolate.

Now, keep in mind I have no internet at home or on my phone. I was stuck at home because Baby was sick. There was no way to keep working on the project. But I could not possibly stomach the idea of the Mother’s Day deadline slamming towards me and not working on someone’s gift.

So it was that I decided to begin hooking Clapochet. I was so excited about this project. It had that nice airy thing that I was looking for in a shawl and someone on the message boards assured me it was “actually super fast once you got the hang of it.” Apparently, I haven’t gotten the hang of it.

I did rows 12 and 13 at least four times and I still ended up with two few stitches which I just added to the end of the row because this pattern had frustrated the bubbles out of me! I reminded myself about those ladies that intentionally work at least one mistake into their handicrafts because they dare not attempt perfection and mock the gods or something like that. It turns out, you have to REALLY pay attention to what you’re doing when you’re working on Clapochet.

Oh sure, you think it’s a nice pattern to just zone out to but if you do, you will surely forget to chain one at the end of at least one treble or you’ll do two trebles in a chain space thinking one’s actually a treble. This pattern is stressing me the flowers out.

I have to count the end of each row and I’m not always where I need to be. Not to mention, I do have perfectionist tendencies and because, unlike knitting, I have no qualms ripping back crochet work it’s really hard to just plow ahead instead of going back a row or three to fix a mistake. No really, I did that. I ripped back three rows.

Ok two and two thirds, but if you round up….

I’m certainly not completely deterred from Mother’s Day handmade gifts but I’m back to last week’s wariness. It is especially helpful that I actually like the way Summer Flies is (mostly) coming out and I’m adoring my Clapochet even though I didn’t do what everyone else did and am using solid colored yarn. But the color is gorgeous and the yarn is so super duper soft. We’ll just have to see what else the gods have in store for me I guess.

WIP It Real Good

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I crack myself up I tell you. I mean just look at that title! It’s been a long while since I last participated in Tami’s WIP Wednesdays and not because of a lack of crocheting. I figured my comeback required a witty title.

 Hey, did you know Mother’s Day is not this weekend but next weekend? Did you know I had major Mother’s Day gift-making plans? Did you notice the use of the past tense? After Ex finally paid a little bit more of the child support he owed, I scraped aside a piece of it and ordered some yarn for three Mother’s Day gifts and my best friend’s birthday gift. I don’t know if I’ll have the Mother’s Day gifts done by Mother’s Day but I’m going to try really hard. I’ve been working from the stash profusely, and plan on continuing in the tradition, but some projects just need their own yarn. So while I wait for the yarn to come in, I started the one Mother’s Day gift that is being worked from stash yarn, the Hi-Five Towel.

I love it. I want to make myself several of these especially after reading Donna Freedman’s post, “In praise of the rag bag.” In it she mentions how one paper towel roll has lasted her a couple of years (no typo). Well, I thought that was amazing and after my own paper towel ran out, I left it unrefilled, challenging myself to use more rags and towels. So, I’m working on this towel for a gift to an aunt and really wishing it was mine. Look at the pattern! Look at the colors! My kitchen is so beige and boring a brilliant splash of color like this would be awesome. Not to mention it has that awesome texture any good scrubbing fabric requires.

Do you know what else delights me about this project? First of all, it’s easy-peasy. You can crochet this in your sleep, I think. It’s the kind of pattern where you don’t need to count stitches because it is visually obvious where things go. It’s like building blocks– stack, stack, stack. I love patterns like this. Second of all, the hook matches the yarn. I love it when that happens, it’s serendipity!

As for things that aren’t of the yarn variety, you may have noticed the blog looks a bit different. I’ve been paying extra attention to it and jazzing it up where I can. Bear with me as I play some more and please feel free to give me some feedback. Also,  I can assure you I am very much working on devouring these amazing chocolate cupcakes with butterscotch frosting I was up until past midnight last night making. They are amazing. I mean, really, these are the best cupcakes I’ve ever made and possibly ever eaten. The recipe comes from the book, “At Home with Magnolia” and I searched everywhere to see if it was released online but did not find it which makes me sad because I want you to make them too and fulfill your wildest cupcake fantasies. I borrowed the book from the library but will definitely be adding this recipe to my binder of tried and true classics.

What a Weekend: 13, 14, 15, 16, 17/52 Photos

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It was the kind of weekend that grabs you and yanks you right through it at breakneck speed and you’d just better hang on and enjoy the ride and you do except when it’s over you’re suddenly beyond exhausted and at the same time overwhelmed with contentment.

My house is wrecked. It is wrecked in the special way homes are wrecked when a mother is just too tired and gloomy all week to do much of anything and the kids seem to pick up on this so they are extra active, destructive, and defiant but then Friday comes and suddenly the mother decides to do a lot of baking and cooking and then there’s activities all weekend and Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights find everyone not just tired but at that special point of fulfilled collapse.

Friday, I was let out of work early. I stopped and did groceries, went home, and finished reading devouring Bloodfever. I don’t really understand why I’m fascinated with this series because it is some seriously over the top camp but it’s addictive camp (she’s totally in love with a werewolf, isn’t she? NO! DON’T TELL ME!). Then I decided it was time to get in the kitchen and make these Whoopie Pies I’ve been fantasizing about for days. They advise making the cakes a day in advance so I figured if I made them Friday night, Saturday would be the day to make the filling and all would be well in the world. So I made the cakes, but I also was craving something sweet now so I made these cupcakes with this chocolate buttercream frosting (with the almond extract option) while I made dinner—kingclip filets in foil packets served with a side of cheesy garlicky mashed potatoes. At some point during the cooking and the baking, my parents brought the kids over as they’d taken them to the beach that day since the daycare and school were closed. To give you a sense of time, we sat down to eat dinner after nine o’clock. After dinner, I iced the now cooled cupcakes and my kids got to work decorating them with Easter M&M’s. They each ate one and everyone was really tired. Actually, I should note that Baby passed out on the sofa after baths before we got to the cupcakes. We all collapsed in our beds at around 11.

My Dad called me at 8:30, realized I was asleep, and quickly hung up. We all woke up for real about an hour later to the sound of music. I realized the park across the street was doing their annual egg hunt after all. I rounded everyone up, got them all dressed, armed them with shopping bags, and we headed over. We hunted for eggs and my friend found one of the six golden eggs so the kids were really excited about that. After the eggs were gone, they were starting to whine about wanting to eat and wanting to drink and wanting to sit so I took them back home and got them breakfasted. After, I cleaned the kitchen and got to work making the Whoopie Pie filling. The kids tried playing outside again but the heat was scorching. Oh, we dyed eggs. That was an adventure. And I made them bathe. I’m pretty sure they mostly ran around being destructive from the state of the play room. Well, Eldest read Fantastic Mr. Fox but the other two destroyed.

At some point, they ate the Whoopie Pies which were a huge giant mess. Recipe evaluation: Cake recipe is meh. I think I need to try it again and make them flatter. Taste was right but they were too moundy and not very discy. This meant there was a LOT of cake in each bite. The filling was a disaster. It was just melting all over the place. I tried to compensate for the melt factor by putting in not as much filling but that just backfired because of how dense the cakes were. I’d give it 2 out of 4 stars/forks/spoons/mutants. I do want to try it again though. I feel obligated to get Whoopie Pies right although I have no idea why I have this strong urge at all. Cupcakes = Win. Whoopies = Meh.

Later that day, we went to a baseball game. My university sponsored this big Family Night event at the stadium and each employee got a free ticket with hot dog, chips, and soda plus you could buy three more tickets with food at $1 each and a discounted parking pass for only $8. I bought them last month and was so excited even though we got Upper Level seats. In the second inning, a lady approached me and asked if I was with the university (we WERE decked out in school colors) and she had us come with her. They upgraded us big time- Lower level, third row. We could have had a conversation with the first baseman. I’ve never had seats that great to any sporting event. I was actually nervous because we were totally in the line of fire for those line drive fouls they sometimes nail. I was shocked the kids actually sat there the entire time and had a blast. The weather was gorgeous. They had a bunch of activities for the kids like free face-painting and bounce houses and even a salsa concert afterwards. It was a total blast.

 

We got home just before midnight and they went to bed totally amped up. I had to wait for them to sleep. And wait. I quietly filled eggs and then when all had been silent for a while, I checked on them. Asleep. Finally. I brought out the baskets and hid them and then laid out a trail of eggs from each basket to each of their beds—blue eggs for Eldest, pink eggs for Daughter, and yellow eggs for Baby. Baby’s was easily hid, right under a table. For Daughter, it was under a laundry basket but I made her crawl through a tunnel to get to it. For Eldest, it took him at least five minutes to figure out the trail ended at the laundry closet because his basket was in the dryer. I also gave the kids the crocheted toys I made them and they were REALLY happy with those.

Later, their Uncle MuantWino and his lady friend picked them up for a big Easter hunt and party with the lady friend’s family. It seems they are “serious”. They actually live together and they keep trying to mix the families at these sorts of events. It’s weird to me. From there, they went straight to my mom’s house with the kids while I stayed home and after I’d filled eggs for THAT egg hunt, and showered, and dressed, and stared mightily at the destroyed house for very long periods of time, I went to her house too. Daughter had brought the doll I made her and so between the cupcakes and the crochet everyone was trying to come up with some sort of business I could go into. I just drank a superbly delicious rosé (it’s good to have Winos in the family). Everyone had fun playing Marco Polo in the pool (I watched) and hunting for eggs and eating yummy arroz con pollo and desserts like the cupcakes which I brought from the house in a most dangerous and reckless fashion as demonstrated below.

Do NOT Try This at Home

After everyone left, the kids were happily watching TV and I passed out cold on my mom’s couch. I mean, coma-like. I’m pretty sure I was snoring on some level and likely drooled. My mom woke me up to let me know they were going to get their evening coffee and my brother was watching them so I could stay sleeping. But I was awake at that point. Got up, picked up all of the stuff the kids had gotten as presents and stashed it in the car, and got the kiddos into the tub much to their collective chagrin. My mom let me know the oldest two could stay with her since they still don’t have school so it was me and Baby back home. After he passed out, I half-heartedly picked up some of the living room before giving up and joining him in LaLa land.  

I’m happy to have had such a great and crazy weekend. When I have weekends like this, I feel like all is right with the universe. We made so many good memories—specific and general ones. Maybe they’ll remember decorating cupcakes, or dyeing eggs, or eating Whoopie Pies half-naked, or going to a baseball game, or looking for their baskets, or hunting for eggs three times in one day, or that their Mom made them dolls, and maybe they won’t. Maybe all they’ll remember is they sure had a good time when they were kids. And that’s all I care about. I was sorting through all the eggs and the gifts last night and remarked to my friend, “They don’t know how lucky they are.” “Nope,” he said. “They really don’t. But one day, most likely through someone else’s experiences, they’ll probably realize it.” And that made me smile because that’s how it is for me. I have close friends that had some rough childhoods. When we’d sit and talk about what it was like being a kid, I remember feeling confused and guilty because my friends mostly had bad experiences and yet what I mostly remembered from my childhood was that exuberant feeling of innocent joy. I really do remember my childhood that way. If it was a color, it’d be yellow—bright and happy and sunny. Now that I’m older I don’t really feel any sort of confusion or guilt anymore when we compare stories of growing up, but I sure do feel a whole lot of gratitude and an overwhelming desire to pay it forward starting with my kids and hopefully one day finding a way to stretch it outwards from there.

Quick WIP Before I Go

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I don’t know if I mentioned it here, but I’ve disconnected my cable and internet at home for a few months. It also just so happens I’ll be on vacation until January 3 so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to post again before then. I’m working like crazy on gifts and here’s a peek at one I’m making up as I go for my WIP Wednesday. I’ve actually already made one but in simple half double crochet and it had colorwork. This one isn’t going to have colorwork but has a fancy stitch pattern. Can you guess what it’s going to be?

What is it?

I’d wanted to make a giant FO Friday post this Friday but I’d forgotten about the whole disconnected internet thing so it’s going to have to wait a couple Fridays. That just means it’ll be HUGE and those are so fun– right? Well, just in case, I can at least guarantee THIS is fun at our expense. Merry Christmas!

The Three Books That Got Me Through

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Dropped
“Dropped by R-E-M, on Flickr”

I’m feeling a bit weak mentally today and therefore a bit needy. My brain seems open to attack and its number one attacker is me, of course. The spiraling “What if” questions breed themselves. The frustrated denunciations of self start up. It’s just a mess. Days like today, I wish I owned at least one of three special books I read in the past year and a half that strengthened me one way or another. I don’t own any of them because I stopped buying books in an effort to reduce expenses and I’d discovered the amazing local library system. Sometimes you just don’t have what you need to pep yourself up and something about these books made me feel so many good things like control, relief, liberation, and release. These are the books I think of when I’m in this sort of funk. These are the books I wish I had within reach so I could skim through them and grasp something, anything, from them.

The first is Karen Kingston’s Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui. Something tells me you weren’t expecting that. I’m not even sure I can explain this one. I don’t really believe in Feng Shui completely. I believe in color therapy and I believe a clean and clutter-free space gives a general peaceful vibe that you can’t find in a disorganized space. I believe we find certain things soothing and do believe the more of the outside world you can bring into your home, the better. But do I believe putting a certain color in a particular part of the house makes a particular thing function better? No, not really. But something about this book struck me, motivated me, and empowered me. I needed that so badly. It drove me to purge and purge and keep purging my house. It taught me about letting go– of posessions, yes, but other things too that somehow tangle themselves up with things. I crave leafing through this book again and I especially want my own copy that I can highlight, fold corners, and even write in if I so desire. There are so many parts in my home that need help and this book just got me going and kept me moving.

The second book I read that had a profound impact on me and that I think about all of the time is Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun. I don’t really know what expectations I had for this book, but whatever they were, they were exceeded. The chapter on marriage, of course, made me cry and I pretty much skipped it but the rest of the book was very thought-provoking. This book really made me consider my own personal happiness in a variety of ways, something I hadn’t really done in such a long time and something I really needed to do more than ever before during such a chaotic time in my life. The book helped me better understand I was in control of my own happiness, a sometimes difficult thing to own up to, I think. I’d like to read this again and have it readily available for reference. I’ve often toyed with the idea of my own Happiness Project but, something about it is almost too overwhelming for me to consider right now. However, it’d be nice to go back to it and get an idea or two for things to think about as far as enriching my own happiness experiences.

The last book is the shortest book of the three and I’m pretty sure I’d read this again and again because of its brevity and simplicity. It is Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. This incredibly simple book puts forth an effectively simple life strategy composed of four rules. You basically accept these four rules as your way of living. They’re easy to remember, easy to say, easy to understand, and difficult to embrace. 1) Be impeccable with your word. 2) Don’t take anything personally. 3) Don’t make assumptions. 4) Always do your best. I found these agreements to be empowering and liberating at the same time. I could relate to all of them, found comfort in all of them, and learned from all of them. I think the book would be good to have to go back to when, for instance, I find myself taking absolutely everything personally and being unable to stop. It’d be good to reorient myself with the concept and its reasoning.

Everyone has their own restorative potions if you will. While I am overjoyed with how much pleasure crochet brings me, it’s reading that invigorates me, emboldens me, and enlightens me. I like to learn, and I like stories. I think the most powerful thing a person can have is knowledge and information they can use. I fully embrace the saying, “Knowing is half the battle.” When I read a really good book, I feel ready to take on the world in one form or another.

I think, besides raging hormones, I’m bracing for the next few days. In my “too nice” ways, I decided the holidays were important and should be split. Last year, I allowed ExMutant to sleep on our couch so he would be there Christmas morning. Although I would decline, no such offer has been extended to me. So on Christmas Eve, I’ll be sliding into bed alone at some point in time. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll just stay awake the whole night—building, wrapping, crocheting, stuffing, drinking. On Christmas morning, I won’t have excited little voices urging me out of bed—just a suddenly too big, too quiet, too empty house.  The little ones will arrive around noon and my family will be there to welcome them. Santa will surely have stopped by my house, their true home, as well. We’ll have a great time, I’m sure. They’ll definitely be excited by the ongoing party. I’ll have a big smile hot glued to my face if I have to. But I’m hoping I won’t have to force myself to be joyous. I have, after all, 4 more days to figure out and accept how grateful I should be—not simply for the extra space in my bed, but for the reasons it’s there. “Better alone than in bad company.”

Number One Lesson Learned from Being Robbed

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Jewelry Box 
“Jewelry Box” by andrea singarella, on Flickr

Three years ago this week, my house was broken into. Every piece of jewelry I owned (including heirloom pieces) and my laptop were whisked away in a pillowcase from my bed by a couple of jerks who were never caught. I never saw my things again and it hurt. Mostly because many of the pieces I did own were sentimental but also because it’s true– you feel completely violated. Unfortunately with hard economic times and the holiday season, tis the season for smash and grabs everywhere. So here is the most valuable lesson I learned from my experience that I wish to share with you.

Don’t make it easy.

You might be lucky and never have to experience this nastiness. But in the off-chance someone does break into your home, here are a few things you can do to minimize the damange.

  1. If it means something to you, hide it. I have always been a big mess and that would’ve benefitted me greatly in this case except I had just received a beautiful, big, red jewelry box a few days before the robbery and had taken the time to go through my drawers and put all of my jewelry in a nice and easy container for thieves to throw into the pillowcase. The only jewelry that survived was what I was wearing and what was somewhere it didn’t belong like next to the bathroom sink or in the kitchen. I also left the laptop right on top of my bed next to its case. The thieves could not have had it any easier when they broke into my home. Forget drawers as hiding places and try avoiding the Master Bedroom in general. They open every single one of them and rustle through everything (gross).
  2. Close the doors to all of the rooms every time you leave your house. This was a lesson learned from the police. Thieves want to hit the Master Bedroom right away. They don’t know your home so they don’t know where it is. Make them work to find it and close every door to every room. Try not to let the kids decorate the outside of their doors for this same reason. If every door looks the same from the outside, they’re going to have to try every single one. And if you ever come home and find a door open, immediately turn around and call the cops. This is a sure sign someone has been there and is immediately visible.
  3. If you have small electronics like a laptop, email yourself the serial number. The police were so frustrated because that was their best lead– and I didn’t have it. Even if the thieves did dump everything, the cops were going to have a hard time reconnecting me with it.
  4. If you care about it, inventory it and also email it to yourself. I rent and don’t have insurance so for me this wouldn’t have helped monetarily but I had a hard time identifying what was stolen in that very insane time. Not only that but photographing especially important items might help police as well.
  5. The moment you realize you’ve been robbed, don’t touch anything. Leave your house right away and call the police. The more you touch, the more you mask the thieves.

I get a little freaked out every time around this year and get hypersensitive to sounds outside and things like that. I lightly block entryways so that it’s easy for me to get out in case of an emergency but if you’re breaking in, you’re in for a surprise and a tripping hazard. This year, I thought a good way to deal with my uneasiness would be to share with you. Maybe these tips will help someone out there. I wish I’d known them, that’s for sure. Every time I think of the beautiful charm bracelet my grandparents had given me for my fifteenth birthday I curse that stupid  jewelry box. If you simply must have a jewelry box in your home, I suggest using it to hold mementos and doodads instead of your favorite jewelry. Those pieces should be in dark corners.