Tag Archives: Holidays

The End

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Yesterday was the last day of the Mutant Poopymodel.

The fact is, as is too often the case in our blessed lives, there are far too many good things in my life than bad things. Yes, yes, yes a lack of money is stressful. Yes, yes, yes it is frustrating. But it’s not a deal-breaker. It’s not even a deal-cracker really and it’s my job to keep things in their place.

The gloom started to lift last week. I showed my co-worker my kids’ Santa lists and we were laughing at how cute they were and she was reminiscing about her daughters being that age. I had to leave to make a delivery to another office and she told me she’d put the lists in my office for me so I wouldn’t have to walk back that way with my arms full. When I came back, the letters were on my chair– each one with a $10 clipped to it and a note from her that made me cry like a silly big baby.

After that, I was able to fill some very small wishes at the Google+ Secret Santa project using some gift cards (Swagbucks, thank you). It was a much-needed reminder that no matter how hard you have it, someone always has it way harder. And I was happy to know that at least I was able to get something teeny tiny for someone else and make them smile and pay forward my co-worker’s kindness that way. It made me smile too. That’s when things started to really brighten up.

And then, over the weekend two things on our family’s Wish List were filled by my very own Secret Santas. I was so surprised! There are so many lists on the website and I really didn’t expect anyone to catch mine especially since I didn’t really write much in the section provided on why I was signing up. And I had seen some of the stories on there. Cue warm, fuzzy feelings that two someones somewhere blessed me that way.

The city I live in is a suburb of Miami. The City Hall puts up a small Christmas park every year and has done so for as long as I can remember. It is free to go and Monday was the first time I took my kids. It was an awesome way to end a nice evening that had started with me bringing out their boxes of ornaments and letting them start decorating the tree while I made dinner. Then it was dinner time, bath time, and into the car we went. They loved the park. The ran around and jumped around and on and off of everything.

Christmas Kids

When we got home, my middle brother called me and let me know he was taking care of the big ticket item on my kids’ list. And my mom called after that and told me she would take care of the next biggest ticket item on their lists. And then my baby brother called and told me he would take care of the two next biggest ticket items on the list.

Since then, it’s just been one Christmas miracle after another and they have come in all shapes and sizes from all kinds of people. And I am happy that I am blessed and fortunate and loved and that my children are too. And we will have a nice Christmas together because we will be together and there is a Christmas tree with lights and ornaments, and there will be music, and there will be cookies, and there will be some brightly wrapped gifts, and there will be laughs and kisses and hugs and stories.

The day after, we are leaving to Virginia again. My aunt and uncle have once again rented a log cabin in Virginia and invited us up. My parents are once again going and covering the cost of gas and any overnight hotel stay we may have. Dad and I will share the driving. And when we come back on New Year’s Eve I will be oh so ready for 2013 and whatever it may bring our way.

This is my family, aka the wonderful people who get me through time and time again. The only one missing is Stallion who was working that day the way he works every day. I love the people in this photo, and him, so very, very, very much.

This is my family, aka the wonderful people who get me through time and time again. The only one missing is Stallion who was working that day the way he works every day. I love the people in this photo, and him, so very, very, very much.

$tre$$

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I thought that maybe I had shaken off most of it, but I was wrong. There is nothing like the holidays to stress me the heck out. What can I say? I’m freaking out about Christmas and fighting like hard not to freak out about Christmas at the same time.

Christmas is something I had set aside money for several months ago. But when child support evaporated, so did all of my savings, even Christmas. So now, I’m trying to figure it all out. I’m making things like crazy. Well, that’s not true. I was making things like crazy and then I slowed down considerably and pretty much stopped because I got burned out. I’m trying to start things up again.

The problem with stress is it’s very distracting. You try and focus on something and it wriggles and wiggles it’s way around your brain as it moves towards the center stage of your thoughts.

This year, the kids will be spending Christmas Eve with their father. They come to my house Christmas Day around noon. We are going to have  Christmas Cookie Party that day. I think that it will be a lot of fun. And maybe it will distract the kids from a really skimpy Christmas tree.

This is where I begin to flounder, to worry, to conflict myself. My kids are blessed with a large, loving extended family who will surely shower them with gifts the way they do at every special occasion. They have a ton of stuff no matter how much I have them go through their toys and get rid of things. So there’s a battle in me– I know they don’t need or even want more stuff but I want to give to them. So I feel bad about not having any money to buy much for Christmas this year and at the same time I don’t feel bad about not participating in the relentless consumerism that so deeply affects this country. The kind of consumerism that fuels this kind of irony…

People trample each other for cheap goods mere hours after being thankful for what they already have

So I am struggling with that inner conflict at the same time I am stressing about the usual stress I have been dealing with regarding bills and life’s necessities. This means child support still hasn’t shown up in any way, shape, or form. If I understand the state attorney’s office correctly, that means his license is either suspended or about to be suspended any day now. I haven’t called them back since that last post. I probably will next week. I’m a pest but I don’t have a choice in the matter.

Their father told me he is starting a new job on the first, that they are in the negotiation stage right now. He told me the same exact thing, word for word, a few months ago. If it IS true, it would of course be that just about the time the state attorney’s office should be linking up to the unemployment office to garnish those checks, he would be starting a new job and stop collecting unemployment therefore starting the garnishment process anew all over again. It’s enough to make you laugh the maniacal laugh of loony bins.

Today, I’ll be staying home doing the laundry and working on crocheted gifts. We already watched Elf but it made me cry so I don’t think I’ll be putting on any more Christmas movies today. Today, the kids are going to make their Christmas lists but I am going to do something different. I am going to give them a paper with four sections: Something I want, Something I need, Something to wear, and Something to read. I’ll let them fill each section out with a couple of things in each category and use that as my guiding light this Christmas. I think it’s better this way than a free for all.

I hope you enjoy your weekend. I’m trying to do just that.

Hooking You Up: Awesome and Affordable Lingerie

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I love lingerie. I really, really love lingerie. I love all types of lingerie from the classy to the trashy. I think lingerie is the single easiest thing a woman can change in her wardrobe and completely change her mood. And you ladies that are single and not even interested in finding someone special? You are not exempt from this! Lingerie isn’t about your significant other, it’s about you.

With Halloween, the holidays, and New Year’s Eve, there’s no better time to really revamp your lingerie wardrobe and even try something new. So a while back, when I was determined to own a steel boned corset, I found the most amazing lingerie site ever– Oh Cheri. Before I say another word, I want to say something– Oh Cheri didn’t reach out to me about writing for you guys. I love them and wanted to recommend them to you guys.

This store has three key features to an awesome online shopping experience– huge selection across a huge array of sizes, cheap prices (often the cheapest anywhere), and FREE shipping in the US with no minimum purchase.

Can we take a moment and “window” shop? Don’t be freaked out or anything, I’ll keep it tame. Oh and all of these items are under $20.

And ok this is definitely not under $20 but it’s one of my favorite things on their site and I covet it deeply. Come covet with me.

Yeah. Sooooooo pretty.

By the way, I reached out to Oh Cheri and let them know I was going to blog about them because of how much I love their site. And you know what? They offered a discount for you guys– my readers. So go online and do some sexy shopping for you, your friends, and hey even family. Or pass this along to someone who may be shopping for you! Just make sure when it’s time to checkout, you enter the code MUTANT and get 10% off your order.

Keeping the Gift Budget Under Control

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Earlier today I read Sharon’s most recent post– just a regular update sort of thing. But this time, she mentioned two specific spend issues she has problems with that I directly related to.  So I’ve been thinking about them all day like I said I would in the comments and I do have some ideas but I wanted to scratch your brains as well. Only one problem per post because these suck up my brain power!

Problem One: Blowing the Gift Budget Every. Single. Time.

Ah, gifts. These are really tough for people with the deadly combination of loving to shop and loving to give. If you’re the type of person who absolutely loves to help someone else shop but fall apart when it’s time to spend on yourself you most likely have a struggle with keeping gifts under budget.

First things first– get a realistic grip on your gift spending. If it feels like the right amount when you spread it out across the year, it’s the right amount. If it feels way too high even when you spread it out across the year into monthly chunks, bring it down. Accept whatever the real amount needs to be.  The bottom line is if every year you look and you’ve spent $1200 on gifts, you need to set aside $100 for gifts period, end of story. No occasions to celebrate in July? Don’t delude yourself into thinking you can use the gift money for something else because you will be pressed in August when you have four birthdays to deal with. If deep down you know the number is too high because you’re just being extravagant to be extravagant, you’ve got to wrestle that demon and whittle it down to a reasonable number. If it’s because your circumstances just don’t allow you to spend as much as you want, you’ve got to accept that too.

Now that you’ve wrestled with the real and true and livable gift budget, I think it’s time we all truly embrace the one solution that just makes sense– the gift closet.

Oh, the groans! I can hear them, you know. But seriously, the gift closet makes sense (and cents, ha). I think it really is time to put this concept to the test. How many times have I gone into the store not looking for anything in particular, finding the perfect thing for so and so, not buying it because there’s no occasion coming up to give it to them and I can’t be giving things just because, to then not find a damn thing when it IS time to give them something?

There are certain things in life that are highly probable at least once a year. This is my list:

  • Your loved ones will have a birthday
  • You will celebrate Valentine’s Day one way or another
  • You may celebrate Easter one way or another
  • You will have at least one person deserving of a Mother’s Day gift
  • You will have at least one person deserving of a Father’s Day gift
  • You will celebrate some sort of holiday in December
  • Someone will have a baby
  • If you have children, there will be birthday parties
  • There will be an occasion you really wish you had a hostess gift for
  • There will be an occasion you really wish you had a thank you gift for
  • There will be an occasion you really wish you had a congratulations gift for

The thing is, these somewhat predictable events will always come around when you have the least money available for them. Not only that, but the stores will instantly hide all of their good stuff too. So clearly, the only real solution I can see is year-round shopping. You can make this as haphazard as you want or as neat and organized as you want. My idea for myself is to maintain some sort of list I can access with my phone so I can check really quick if I’ve already got Mutant Wino’s gifts covered for the year or if something’s missing because I just found the most perfect thing for him at the most perfect price. And even if he is covered for the year, I might get it anyways because there’s next year. As long as the gift closet doesn’t turn into some out of control clutter beast, I really do think this is the answer for us gift-budget-busting gals. The trick is to not put it off. You find something, it fits the budget, it fits the closet, do it. Make it a point to go gift shopping once a month so you’re not tempted to paint yourself into a corner two months from now.

There are some gifts that are classics. There are gorgeous baby items in neutral colors deeply discounted. You can find some great deals on great gift basket shelf-stable items like wines and gourmet foods (check the expiration date before buying). Keep an eye on the clearance section of department stores for discounts on classic home gifts like frames, vases, candles, and so on. Check the kids’ department for discounted books. Toys R Us constantly marks down toys too– maybe avoid the more trendy pieces and stick to classic characters and games.

Even those of us who make things can benefit greatly from a gift closet. How many of us have those gaps in the calendar when no one’s celebrating anything and suddenly it’s everyone’s birthday and right after that is Christmas? Make a gift every month for the closet. If a pattern catches your eye, go for it and add it to the gift closet. You can even turn this into one of those annual challenges!

What do you think? Any strategies or tips for keeping the cost of giving gifts down that don’t include the classic, “Instead of buying a gift, give the gift of time”? Share!

Happy Valentines Day

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I just wanted to pop on here super quickly and wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m going slightly crazy today because I have my first test later tonight. I have been studying as much as possible but that hasn’t been much with all the sickness at home and work being unusually busy this time of year.

Here are the cards we made this year. i think making them got the kids more into the holiday and Eldest even asked if we could do this every year, which is surprising from an 8 year old boy.

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You're a real gem of a friend!

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I'm MAD about you! I can't LIB without you!

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You're the best Valentine, hands down!

And finally, I woke up at 5:15 so I would have time to pick these up for breakfast.

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Have a great day and do wish me some luck or say a prayer or do a little voodoo thing for me will you?

Montebello, Virginia Family Vacation: A Recap

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Who: My mom, my dad, his sister, her husband, their dog and their daughter, her fiancee, my three kids, and myself.

When: Departed on Monday, December 26. Returned on Saturday, December 31.

What: Big old road trip family vacation.

Where: We spent one night at a Hampton Inn in Rock Hill, SC on the way up. The Three Sisters log cabin is located in Montebello, VA. We also visited Spy Rock and Crab Tree Falls while in the area. We spent a night at my aunt’s house in Hampton, VA.

Why: As a child, my family used to take road trips constantly. It’s a unique way to travel and a unique experience overall. Not to mention, the desire to disconnect, to turn things off, to be present in each other’s company. I wanted my kids to try it out and see if they liked it as much as we did as kids.

Verdict: They loved it- the whole family. The kids want to go back. Well, Eldest didn’t want to leave but settled for coming back– in the summer and again in the winter. For me? It wasn’t peaceful and it wasn’t quiet. But it was family being family and that is extremely precious as well. There was no relaxing but there was a lot of experiencing and being open to what was around me and in front of me and next to me. I didn’t once think about the future or the past. I just ate everything that was happening up. I didn’t even get into major photography mode which I find bizarre because that type of situation is the stuff photographers love. But I just didn’t care to waste my time behind a little box. Yes I took photos, we all did, and there are some great ones.

Like these (click to enlarge):

Our temporary home in Montebello, VA was an authentic log cabin from the 1800's carefully modernized and cared for.

MutantBaby stomps around the wide open area around our cabin wearing a very exclusive handmade Mutant Supermodel hat.

Kids put together a Willy Wonka Gingerbread Cottage kit. I felt building it in a log cabin was the most fitting thing in the world.

The "hardy group", as my uncle referred to us, set out on a hike to Spy Rock. It's about 2 miles up and then you have to scale a big old rock. And then you get to scrabble back down and hike 2 miles down.

My cousin and I perched on top of Spy Rock freezing our tropical tushies off. Thankfully my uncle's awesome dog is a very eager lap blanket.

The "hardy group" reached the top all together. Gorgeous views up here. I mean seriously stunning. Also seriously cold. There were frozen puddles of ice all over the place.

My uncle's dog, an English Setter, quickly became the object of my children's affections. But MutantBaby in particular developed a bond with him. The dog is a pack dog and didn't mind at all being snuggled by a three year old.

When we left the log cabin, we took a bunch of family photos. This one is by far my favorite. It was inspired by my aunt and I who started walking in a Beatles' Abbey Road style when my uncle said he wanted one of everyone walking to the cabin. Before we knew it, we got the whole clan lined up. Even the dog joined in.

My mom and I wait for my dad to catch up to us on the trail to Crab Tree Falls.

At the halfway mark, half of our group went back-- my aunt and uncle, my mom, and Baby. My dad, Eldest, Daughter, and I decided to keep going the rest of the 1.7 mile hike. At the 1.6 mile marker, Daughter wanted to throw in the towel. I gave her a little pep talk.

We reached the top meaning Daughter and Eldest completed their first official hike. I am very, very proud of them for this accomplishment.

My Dad got this shot of all of us and the beautiful view from the top overlook at Crab Tree Falls.

At my aunt's house, the kids slept in sleeping bags. The dog couldn't resist and so a new pack was born. Do you see Baby snuggled all the way down in his sleeping bag under the table?

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

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I don’t think I’ve been quite the same Mutant I was a few months ago and I’m not exactly sure why or what but there you have it.

I sort of feel like my mind is in a bit of a haze and I’m just bumbling along. No maps, no plans, no worries?

Well not really but yes kind of.

I doubt very highly I’ll be posting again before the year is up so I wanted to take a moment to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a very wonderful New Year. I’ve seen a lot of pain around me this year. I’ve read it in your blogs. I’ve heard it in the stories of my friends and my family. I see it flash by in the news streams. It’s been sort of depressing this year.

I was very optimistic about 2012 and I’m not really sure I still feel that way. I want to be. But… it’s not coming to me.

I want to disconnect as much as possible next week. I think I’ll definitely have a good chance the first two nights we’re in the mountains.  I’ll be bringing a journal with me and hopefully I’ll be able to write out what has been meandering beneath the surface. Journaling has always been very good for my heart. I haven’t done as much lately as I used to. And that might be a reason why I’m sort of hazy and foggy. Floating through.

So many people are getting ready for a new year. There are projects and plans, goals and resolutions, lists long and lists short. I want to as well. I know that I do better when I have these things in place. I feel better. I accomplish more. But I’m having a hard time putting thoughts together, following them through, working things out. Little details are tripping me up. Unknowns are fogging up the view.

It’s funny because as much as this time of year is about giving, and it really truly is, it also brings up wantings.

What do you want? What do I want?

“What do I want?” indeed.

I’ve been getting asked that a lot. For Christmas purposes mostly. I ask myself for different purposes.

“I don’t know” is the automatic response. I really don’t.

Because all of the things I do want are silly little things. Baubles and trinkets. Flairs and flounces. Extras. Upgrades.

And that’s good. But it’s also meaningless.

And that’s where I get tripped up. That’s where I get sad. Because if I have everything I want… what’s the point?

I don’t want this to come off selfish or gluttonous. That’s not what I’m trying to say.

I mean to say that my basic wants are satisfied, fully and thoroughly. So that leads me to focus on the more complex wants.

That’s where things get tricky. Confusing. Scary.

Long term thoughts. Long term goals. Long term plans.

Even mid term ones.

The short term ones should come from those but without those…

It’s not that I’m glum, I’m just numb. It’s not a bad thing, or a good thing, it’s just a thing. And I just have to work through it all to come out with something I think will be pretty exciting and great and special for me.

So, whatever your celebration of choice may be, may you have a lovely one. May your year end peacefully and blissfully. May your year begin positively and steadily. I’ll see you all very soon.

More than halfway through

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Well, that’s a wrap! School is out until 2012. Of course it ended with a bang.

Daughter had a fever at school, came home, puked on the porch, and kept nursing a low-grade fever. And Eldest came home and struck up his own slight fever. This morning neither had fever, Daughter was bouncing all over the walls ready to go, and Eldest was lethargic and didn’t want to do anything.

So he stayed with my Abuela and the other two went to their Christmas show and party. Good times. They looked insanely cute.

Then I came to work and I’m so sleepy and so tired. I just want to go home and sleep. Story of my life don’t you know?

I had really wanted to spend some time this month thinking about next year. I wanted to come up with some sort of plan and sub-plans, a lot like what Jacq recently talked about actually. But thinking is apparently not a priority. I’m reading a lot and I started crocheting because we need some winter stuff for the Virginia trip and why buy a ton of stuff if I have a bunch of yarn on-hand anyways?

So my nights remain filled with brainless work and the world keeps whirling by and the days keep evaporating. Nine bloody days until Christmas. Ten until I pack in the car with my three children and my two parents. Fifteen more days of 2011ness to get through.

And then?

Well it starts over at the same time it starts anew. Same shit, different year?

God I hope not.

I am not a fan of more of the same, please. I’m not the person who ever orders The Usual. But really how much change is too much change? Some stability, some sameness is saneness too. I think.

The money stuff? You know, whatever. It is what it is. I’m not going batshit crazy tracking everything and it hasn’t even blown up in my face. Amazing. I update when I can with what I can and to hell with anything and everything else. My bank account isn’t even totally terrifying. It’s not freaking exciting either but it’s not some depressing thing I have to contend with.

I still collect the coupons and I check the lists before venturing out. But again, I’m not going to hold off buying something I need or even really really want because it’s not on sale or because there’s no coupon. I still try to get at least one but I’m not killing myself either when it doesn’t work out that way.

It is what it is.

Like a lot of other stuff too.

I’m reading Rabbit, Run. Believe it or not I haven’t abandoned the dream of 60 books this year even though I’m missing like 7. You never know. The only thing that’s tripping me up is I’m reading a bunch of books about a bunch of dickheads (pardon my French). And next up is Lolita because it’s one of the shortest ones I have.  I’m tempted to give myself some breathing room with a couple of the Rick Riordan books my son has gotten recently that I haven’t read yet but why?

Do it like a band-aid baby.

It is what it is. I’m saying that a lot lately. Still unsure if it’s good or bad.

I think I may have mentioned that the angel that sits on my tree has been in my family since, well 1983 if the year inside her dress is an indicator. She’s really pretty but this year, her lights died. And when we went to change the bulbs, the housing components literally crumbled into dust. So I bought new LED lights (99 cents at CVS). Now I have a vintage angel with a modern touch. It makes me happy I was able to do that for her. For us too. She’s a pretty little thing.

Anyhow, how are you holding up? Are you high on Christmas? Are you having yourself a Grinchmas? Or are you just coasting through, letting it all flow however it may?

 

Alarm Assault

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This morning I was assaulted in my sleep. The sounds from my alarm clock beat at my ears, my skull, my everything. It hurt waking up. So much so that as I sat up in bed and ripped open a giant yawn, I was met with a clanking chorus of cracking bones starting in my jaw and ricocheting all the way down through my hips.

There are so many ways to wake up. Usually I find myself embattled with a bed and sheets that have turned into a mess of molasses. It takes every ounce to pull myself upward and outward. Although rare, there have been occasions where it is as if I was ready for the alarm. And I wake up smartly, albeit somewhat reluctantly. “Of course my alarm is going off,” I think as I pop open my eyes. “It’s time to wake up!” And simple as that, I’m up and efficient and moving decisively, precisely.

But not today. And not yesterday. Not in a long time really. This morning, though, was the worst kind because there’s no way around it, I woke up pretty angry and frustrated. I tried to shake it loose. I tried to drown it in coffee. I tried to shift into the efficient pattern I’ve recently developed.

But I wasn’t having it.

More importantly, neither were the kids.

Wednesday mornings are the worst.

At some point in the hazy early morning as the sleep fog lifts from their heads, they realize it’s Wednesday. They realize it’s the day they go with Daddy.

For my Eldest, it’s no problem. He looks forward to it. He likes the fact there’s a television in their bedroom. He likes to see his Dad.

Not so much the younger two. They hate Wednesdays and they let me know it.

Daughter nibbled at her toast and sipped at her egg nog for forty-five minutes this morning. She didn’t even finish but I had to put an end to it. Baby followed in her footsteps, poking at his toast for about forty minutes.

Baby lost his shoe. Everyone was in la la land. And I was angry and frustrated and angry that I was angry.

After all, this is my fault isn’t it?

If I was better prepared, this kind of lunacy wouldn’t happen in the mornings. If I made sure all of the uniforms were laid out, right down to their shoes, the night before, there wouldn’t be any surprises. If the PE bags were packed and the ballet bag was ready…

But it’s not my habit. Recently I just got into the knack of prepping the lunches the night before. Now I have to throw this into the mix too.

And I’m already staying up way too late wrapping presents, addressing cards, folding laundry, putting away dishes, preparing the lunches, trying to remember if anything is needed the next day, picking up stray and random items, trying to keep a lid on the chaos. And watching TV.

The TV thing can’t be helped. The Boyfriend is a TV Fiend. He is kind enough to put off clicking it on until the kids are tucked away in bed but click it on he does. And I manage to get sucked in over and over again into all of these crime dramas that are breeding like rabbits. I get lured into the sitcoms because I’m desperate for a chuckle.

Of course, I watch it while doing the things I need to be doing but I know it slows me down. I know I’d finish a lot faster if it wasn’t on. I know I’d probably even put off doing some things in favor of a good night’s sleep. But I need to find out if they find the kid on time, or if they save the school bus, or how the killer is connected to the victim, or exactly how he met their mother. And then the evening news comes roaring on and I am shocked.

“What!? The news!? But that means it’s ELEVEN. How in the Underworld is it ELEVEN already!? I haven’t even showered. And by the love of Zeus, I have been so sleep-deprived, I swore I was going to get eight hours this time, I swore it. But now I can’t because it’s already ELEVEN and I have to be up at SIX and there is still STUFF TO DO. And Oh my god what is wrong with this world? How does somebody do something so horrible as that? It’s ELEVEN FIFTEEN. And I’m still here not showering, watching the world burn instead.”

This time of year.

It’s so difficult. There is so much to do, to think about, to stay on top of, to plan for. There are Christmas shows and Secret Santas. There are Christmas cards and holiday parties. There are big gifts and little gifts and medium gifts.

And this year, there’s a road trip to Virginia right at the end of it all nagging at me, taunting me, reminding me, “You’re not prepared for a Virginia winter, not even close.”

The only consolation is that despite the fact I feel completely overwhelmed, busy, and even frantic, I feel like I’m ahead of the curve.

I have presents wrapped under the tree. A lot! My list is practically complete. I sent out my first batch of cards this morning. I’ve even begun to prepare for Virginia with a couple of purchases here and there, rummaging through closets, and pulling things my mother had kept with my grandmother that were ours from that time in our lives we were in North Carolina a lot, or so it seemed.

The days keep hurtling past and somehow I’ve been ready for them. By the skin of my teeth, it’s felt like, but at least nothing has gone forgotten. Not that I’m aware of. Check, check, and check have filled my lists. The problem is, the list keeps growing.

What about you? Crazy? Calm? Brisk? What’s in your future this holiday season? Tell me, does it end?

On Christmas and Books and Crochet

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I figured I’d write a post that has nothing at all to do with money or shopping or anything like that. Mostly because I just need a little break thinking about it all.

Do you remember how I challenged myself to read 60 books this year? Well I’ve been doing pretty well but got derailed a couple of months. Now I have 8 more to go. I used Robert’s list of ranked books at 101 Books to help me put in a slew of requests at the library.  Right now, I’m reading Revolutionary Road. I have 1984 and Naked Lunch at home. The library is gathering together Never Let Me Go, Lolita, Rabbit, Run, Blood Meridian, The French Lieutenant’s Woman, I, Claudius, A Clockwork Orange, and The Spy Who Came In From The Cold. Can you believe I’ve never read these? At least, I don’t remember if I did.

It kinda kills me that I have a Bachelor of Arts in English and have not read so many classic books. My University never offered a great comprehensive course on more modern stuff which was just such a letdown for me. Anyways, I’ll have lots of books to choose from and I have a couple more Rick Riordan books to read as well to help get some fast and easy reads in there. 25 days. 8 books. Should be fun. I just realized my list of books that I’ve read on here needs major updating. I’ll have to put that on my To-Do list for the week.

It’s a really unique experience when I pull into my train station every morning. Coming up from a good read is so much like coming up from a dream-filled sleep. Honestly, that’s what reading is most like to me. Dreaming. I don’t know what everyone else’s experience of reading is like.

I’ve never been good at creating crystal images in my head. I can’t conjure up the perfect Frank and April Wheeler for instance. I just gather up these vague impressions that shift. It’s much the same as my dreaming experiences. Especially the dreams that play out as if they were a movie I was watching. Have you done that? Even in those kinds of dreams, the appearance of some “characters” suddenly change and I don’t skip a beat.

It’s like that for me with books. Characters aren’t static when I read them. They’re not definite either. In one of Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson books, Percy is describing his meeting with Aphrodite. And it’s a struggle for him to describe her because she doesn’t settle into one appearance. She is all of his ideas of beauty swirling together, in and out. That’s my experience when I read books and try and envision characters.

But yeah, folding the corner or placing something in the book to mark the page. I put the book in my purse and look up blinking. I feel so surreal for the first few minutes as I walk to my office. With my brain drifting from the story into the reality. It leaves me feeling somewhat sleepy and sometimes even sad.

I would probably be reading faster but I got back to the crocheted afghan I promised my mother almost a year ago and began months ago. There’s this one row that has been going so slowly and tediously. It’s this beautiful cablesque row but you have to crochet, chain, crochet, turn, crochet, turn, repeat. Again and again across 152 stitches. I’ve been doing it little by little for the past three nights and I’m not done yet. This blanket though is really pretty. And I know that my mother will be very happy to have it and she will be very proud that I made it for her and honestly, there aren’t many times in my life where I’m convinced I’ve made my mom proud but the blanket one is a definite. So there’s a little excited anticipation moving me forward.

I have no delusions about having it ready for Christmas. I just want to have it soon. And I’m not going to crochet anything else until it’s done. The only exception would be a hat for my daughter to replace the butterfly hat because the cat decided the wool was much too tempting to not chew on.

I’m feeling hermitish again. Maybe it’s the time of year. I just want to withdraw into my shell of a home. It’s turning into a Christmas home too which is nice.

I put up our Christmas tree this weekend but when I went to put the angel from 1983 up, she didn’t light up. I love this angel. She’s the one sat on the top of our tree as kids for years. So The Boyfriend and I had the same idea– buy new lights and re-light her. It’s not exactly change the bulbs, I have to unwire her and buy a miniature string– the type they use for wreaths for instance. I’m happy about this prospect though. A vintage Christmas angel with LED lights. I hope my idea works or that at the very least, I figure out a way to make it work.

I have the crazy kind of Christmas tree. The one with the colored lights and the ornaments that have no theme or anything. I like those trees the best. I know there are people who love the Gold and Cream, or the Red and Green, or the Silver and White, or even the Pink, White, and Lime. But for me, everything goes. And every year I take the kids to Target to buy a new ornament to add. It’s had this unforeseen effect of making unwrapping the ornaments a really special experience. The only thing that makes me sad is that I’ve forgotten what ornaments are from what year and that sort of thing. This year when I put them away, I’ll have to pull out the Sharpie and write the info on the bottom of the special ones.

Stories. Memories. Creations. Personalities. All on a tree. There are even photos as the kids make ornaments in school to bring home. I found one of Eldest from four years ago. My heart jumped into my throat as I was jarred by the image. I don’t remember my Eldest looking like that. Was it really just four years ago? His cheeks were so sweet and his smile so funny. A little old man grin on a four year old cherub face. I kept looking from the ornament to him. It’s shocking when it’s unexpected like that. Mystifying.

A new year is mere weeks away. How can it be? And yet, how can it not?