A few weeks ago, I changed birth control methods from NuvaRing to Previfem—a generic birth control pill. I did this, initially, for the cost-benefit. My co-pay on NuvaRing was $55 and Previfem is only $10 a month and I can get a 90 day supply for only $25. I knew with the cell phone’s ability to create a daily alarm I’d never skip a day so it just didn’t seem to make much sense to spend so much more money for convenience’s sake.
I was totally scared of the pill for one reason—I remember how crazy it used to make me years and years ago. There were days I felt absolutely bipolar and considering I was already feeling this way on the NuvaRing, I anticipated a pretty insane ride. But I figured I’d try it out and see what happened.
Oddly enough, I think there has been a change—for the better. The week and a half or so before I’m due for my period are usually my absolute worst. This isn’t an imagined thing either. I actually noticed it coming through in my journals and my blog. I’d look at the sad and defeated posts and sure enough they fell in the same time frame every time.
This month, I’m yet to feel that crushing depression. I’ve been a bit weepy and had one bad day last week where I felt frustrated with myself but it’s been nothing like what I’ve been experiencing monthly. I’m hesitant to celebrate this observation too much because this is only the first few weeks on the pill. Who knows what’s to come, right?
Right now, I’m in this mood where I’m actively seeking calm and peace. I’m trying to make a concerted effort to get rid of negative thinking. It’s not too bad, but it takes mindfulness.
Last night, as I watched the kids deteriorate after a really hectic, fun, and frantic weekend I marveled at their lack of exhaustion. Yes, they got cranky. But it’s really rare to hear them say, “Mom, I’m tired” even if that’s exactly what they are. And I wondered about that. Are kids actually inexhaustible or is it that they convince themselves they’re not tired because if they admit they are they’ll be sentenced to bed?
Makes you wonder, no?
Somewhere we switch from dreading our beds to anticipating them. I wonder what’s a better approach? I think I need to dump my bed. Or at least pick a fight with it. At the very least, I really need to stop saying “I’m so tired” all of the time.
Money-wise I’m also trying to stay positive. Financially speaking I’m not horribly off. I could be, and have been, in far worse situations. I’ve done a good job of fixing things and I’m not going to change that approach. I have to have more confidence in myself that I know what I’m doing and I’m not going to derail it even if I do something as stupid as paying a bill from an empty account because I forgot to change the information from the last payment.
Confidence. Peace. Calm.
These things are inside me. I just need to tap into them a bit more.
How was your weekend? What are you working on this week?