Category Archives: Motherhood

Ten Things I’ve Learned From Single Motherhood

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Ten

1)      Nothing lasts forever. And I mean nothing—not the good and not the bad. This is just a matter of fact and it’s something to never forget. When things are oh so good and wonderful, keep yourself lightly grounded. And when things are crushing you, keep yourself hopeful.

2)      Control is an illusion. It doesn’t exist. We are never in control of anything—not our money, not our health, not our homes, not our children, not even of ourselves. Yes you can have an effect on things but you can’t control them no matter how much you want to. Accept it, don’t fight it, and things get a lot easier.

3)      Negative talk is a waste of time. Whether it is directed at us or at others, it does nothing for anyone. It might give you a momentary reprieve to spew out all the really bad stuff but the crap that follows is way worse. If you need to get something out, take it out on a wall. It’ll give you the proper response for negative talk.

4)      Problems are a heck of a lot easier to create than they are to fix. People who have been licking the same wound for many years know this one well. Think carefully about your decisions and understand there will more likely than not be consequences you can’t even imagine on top of the ones you can. And also understand everyone screws up and if you at least learn from your mistakes, you’re a little better off for it.

5)      There are a bazillion ways to cut down costs. Every time I think I’ve just about reached the complete bottom, something else gets yanked and we survive. There is so much free or super cheap stuff out there, it’s mind blowing. We live in a time of oversupply and its evident in the Freecycles and the Craigslist and the human networks. Open your eyes and you’ll see it all slowly emerge.

6)      Good people exist. They really do. People who send you just because gifts. People who do you a favor. People who let you vent. People who cheer you up. People who care about you sincerely. People who want you to succeed. People who believe in you. People who want to help any way they can. They are there. And there are more of them than you’d think.

7)      Kids are easy to please and tougher than nails. They want your attention and they’re going to get it one way or another. Try and choose positive attention every time but know negative attention is probably going to happen too.  But they recover fast. We are way more fragile than they are. We underestimate them because we are overly aware of our own fears, doubts, and problems. They haven’t lived long enough to have all that baggage.

8)      No one cares your house is messy. Maybe people expect war zones when there are small children in a house but they really don’t care they left the clothes in the bathroom or that the play room looks like a piñata of toys exploded. As long as their feet don’t stick to things and they aren’t being assaulted by insects, they tend to be cool. There is an exception to this rule for Cuban Abuelas.

9)      Kids make fantastic assistants. They are the best personal assistants ever and every year that goes by they get better! They can do a lot of chores around the house at least at the Passable level and that is better than not getting done at all. And they have excellent ideas. Ask them for their input on something and be amazed!

10)   You are stronger than you can possibly imagine. I can’t tell you how many times I felt I was at the breaking point. I just knew “this” was it, “this” would break me. I wouldn’t be able to get past “it”. But I would. Sometimes more gracefully than others, sometimes with a scar or two but I’d survive. And the more I share on here, the more of you come out with your own stories and your own breaking point scars and you’re here and you’re alive and you’re telling your story and you’re better. When you ask yourself, “I don’t know how I’m going to do this” the answer is always “You just will.”

The Compromise

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On Friday, I let everyone in on the stressful situation that is going on in my life right now. And there was this huge flood of amazing support and words of advice and encouragement. Thank you to the Grumpies, by the way, for steering so much of it this way. You two are my Cheerleaders but totally awesome feminist ones.

I have been reading, and responding, to your comments all weekend. You are a very wise bunch. And what I decided was to compromise.

This trip does mean a lot to me. It’s not as simple as Take Kids to Theme Park. It’s more layered than that. And one of the things it means to me is keeping promises. I hate broken promises, I really do. Probably because I’ve been the victim of so many in my own life.

So I thought about it and vented on Stallion in a big, big, big way. I pretty much threw my tantrum with the tears and the boogers and the, “It’s not fair!” Very classy. And after he hugged me and told me it’ll be ok I calmed down and made a decision.

We are not going to Disney, but we are going to Universal. The tickets for Universal are free, they are for both parks, and their confirmation number was sent to me last week. They are there waiting for me. And it is scheduled for the 12th of August, Eldest’s birthday. As I had mentioned, the kids received money for the trip, and my grandmother and mother have told me they will be giving me Eldest’s trip money as well. With that money, I have the cost of the hotel covered, the gas, and I think even the food. The only big ticket item that is not yet covered is the one ticket for Stallion’s daughter which is her birthday present as well. Her mother is giving her money for food so that should be perfect.

As for Disney, it is not cancelled, but it is postponed. I am going to work my little tookus off and see if I can manage to put together enough to fund a trip to Disney in December when it’s all decorated for Christmas. We’ve never seen the park that time of year, the weather will be nicer, and the two littlest ones will get their birthday wishes filled then. That will be the new goal– survive and Disney in December.

Like I told Stallion, the reason this has been so hard for me to let go of is because how long I’ve been working at it– and how close I was. I have been diligently saving and saving and saving. Over half the child support payments have been going to saving up for things like the school’s $2700 registration fee (private school, my parents pay the tuition if I pay the registration) which I paid in full at the beginning of the year. When my tax refund came in, I did the math and put a portion of it into my emergency fund, a portion into my big ticket savings like the summer camp, the trip, and Christmas, and sent a huge chunk to my credit cards. You know, the responsible thing.

And it was working!

When my car broke down in March I had enough money to pay for the repair. When school let out, I had the $3000 to put them in summer camp. When I woke up one morning to find my cat had been vomiting everywhere and had a fever, I had the $450 to cover the vet bill. I think I might rename my cat and call her Disney.

The big thing now is what I am going to tell the children. My kids are pretty young. The youngest just turned 4 and 6 in June and the oldest turns 9 this Sunday. Money is really hard to explain to the youngest ones and unfortunately, they are the ones who wanted Disney. Eldest is the one who wanted Universal as he is obsessed with Harry Potter.

I’m thinking of going about it this way.

First things first: Be (vaguely) Honest. I’m going to explain that I had to make changes to the trip this weekend and that one of the parks is going to be postponed. I’m going to explain I am not making as much money every month as I used to. I might use coins to explain this. Show them four coins and explain that’s how much I was making, take away two coins and explain that’s how much I’m making now. I am extremely wary resistant to the idea of explaining their father’s role, or lack thereof, in all of this because of how young they are, how sensitive a topic it is, and how complicated it may get to explain. Eldest can probably handle it and maybe he and I will have a separate conversation later, if he wants one. I think I’m just going to explain that there were two ways I was making money and because the economy is bad, one of them isn’t making money right now. It might start making money again one day, but I’m not sure when, etc. etc. etc.

I am then going to explain we are going to Universal Studios only because the tickets were free. I did not choose which park we went to. I asked around my group of friends and the connection that came through was for Universal. I want this to be clear because I don’t want them to think I was choosing favorites or anything and besides it’s completely true. If the tickets to Universal weren’t free, we wouldn’t be going anywhere.

I’ll then lay out my plan to try and make more money so that we can go in December to Disney to see the park at Christmas time. And then I’ll ask them to please look at the Universal website with me and try and get them fired up about what we’re going to do and see there.

The bad part is, it’s the youngest kids’ trip whose getting postponed. The good part is, they are distracted easier.

I feel a lot better about this weekend now that I’ve made this decision. One of the things that struck me after reading your comments and throwing my tantrum was the reason I’m so frustrated and angry about postponing part of the trip is exactly the reason I need to postpone part of the trip.

I have been doing things the right way for so long, why blow it? If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that it’s far easier to create problems than to fix them. The right way worked. It did what it was supposed to do– I just hadn’t been able to fund it long enough to cover me more than it already has.

The wrong way, I’ve already done that before. I know where that goes and what it does to a person. So thank you for helping me get to this place I am in right now. I’m not going to lie, I’m still a bit down at the mouth and I would really like to practice some sort of physical violence, but I am trying very hard to pull up and out and I just wanted to thank you all for the boost.

Vacation from Family

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Last Thursday night, I took my three little ones and their three little suitcases to their grandparents’ house. What was once a somewhat hostile and extremely uncomfortable environment was quite friendly and overall upbeat. Yes, I felt a little awkward– is this ok to be nice to each other now? But overall, it was fine. I left after a while and made it to my friend’s house in time to watch the last quarter of the NBA Championships and the Miami Heat take it. I got to honk my horn all the way home.

And the next day, my kids boarded a plane with their grandparents. they spent the weekend with family in New York running all over the city. And on Monday they boarded a plane again to Chicago where they are spending time with family friends. My kids are having a complete blast. They have called me every single day and are so often so excited, they can hardly focus to have a decent conversation with me. But I don’t care, I’m thrilled for them. Every picture their grandmother has sent me has shown me faces BEAMING with radiant smiles. It’s a good feeling.

And me?

Well, hello childless life I forgot what the heck you were like!

And apparently you were insanely luxurious. I have gone to bed after 1 every night for the past few nights and haven’t even felt it. I mean, a little bit yeah– especially in the afternoon. But overall? I’m fine.

I’m different.

For some reason, we humans like to think we don’t change. We like to think that we are steady and reliable and for some reason not changing has become the basis of that sort of character. Except, I’m not sure it’s right. We do change, we’re living things. We physically change every second why shouldn’t we change in everything else? What does steadiness and reliability have to do with sameness?

On June 7 I started this really gorgeous wrap I had seen in the Vogue Crochet 2012 issue. Initially I had planned on making myself a really simple and really cute shrug that I’ve made before to wear to the wedding I’m the Maid of Honor for this Sunday. The bride wanted me to look different and I wanted it to be special. But then I ended up falling head over heels with a laceweight yarn. And even though I could’ve easily made the shrug I am familiar with by working two strands of the lace together, I wanted to try something different. So the wrap. I worked on it for 20 days.

Yesterday I put it on my mom. I’d seen pictures of it on myself and wasn’t thrilled. I wasn’t finished with all of the details but the basic structure was in place and it looked… not at all like what I wanted. It was skinny and gappy and ragged. I was so flustered. So I decided to take it apart and because it’s made with two pieces, I’d work with a strand from each piece and make the shrug I knew with two strands as I ripped the wrap apart.

I don’t think I would’ve done this if the kids were with me. Most likely I would’ve abandoned the project and the idea of looking different from the bridesmaids. Or I would’ve gotten with something much more subtle– maybe just make the flower in the pattern and pin it in my hair. But because I have so much more time and because I have such fewer demands being made on me (in a way), I felt comfortable with the decision I made.

On Monday, the bridesmaids and I began planning the bachelorette party. I decided I wanted to make the bride a pageant style Bride sash to wear to the bachelorette party and thought maybe I could make one for the bridesmaids and myself as well. I went shopping for supplies and ended up deciding I’d make one for everyone attending the party– with the foam tiaras Teenager found we’ll look like a mob of beauty queens on the loose.

I’m pretty sure if the kids were here, I’d only have made the Bride one. Ok fine I probably would’ve bought it at Party City.

The other day? I taught Teenager how to crochet! I went to a Marlins game! I ran errands with the bride and her mother!

I am managing my To-Do lists every day and getting things done. Even…. making a dentist appointment!

Yup, August 14 (during my vacation) at 9 AM. So now I have a month and a half to stress about prepare for it.

And you know what else? I haven’t even really been doing much housework. I cleaned out Daughter’s bin of toys in the playroom a little bit but that’s it. I’ve hardly done laundry. I’ve hardly swept. I’ve hardly picked up a damn thing. I’ve hardly cared.

I miss my little ones. I got a little teary eyed last night because they were so distracted by the dog and the cat at the house they’re staying at, they were hardly talking to me and the stupid voice started whispering, “They don’t even miss your ass.”

But this week, I think, has been so good for them and for me. My parents are actually going to take them at the end of July for a week as well. Crazy right?

It is just such a different experience. There aren’t so many people requiring your attention, changing your focus, and running you around. I know that most people have  a vague idea of how having kids is life-altering, but I don’t think we understand to what extent until we have our own. And I do think the more kids we have, the more we add to the distractions of our minds and the extractions of our energy. And again, you don’t really get it until you deal with it and even then you get used to it until you don’t have to deal with it.

No wonder empty nest can be such a shock to the system.

Anyways, I’m hoping all of you are having a lovely week. I had pictures but I’m too lazy to post them. :)

Friday: Checking in to check out

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Yes, I’ve been in a bit of a funk that mostly lifts but it can also be brought on with a vengeance in a rush too so I’ve been sort of quiet navigating the conflicting emotions.

I was finally told this week that my job was safe, I was “protected.” I have no idea what that means but it’s good enough for me. If they didn’t lay me off now, I doubt they’ll do so in the next round in July as that’s even closer to the conference. After the conference, I get to worry all over again if that sort of talk is still around come the end of the year.

And it’s little statements like that one that sort of floor me on how quickly time slips through our fingers. Good thing and bad thing right?

These next couple of months are the end of my slower season– personally and work-wise. Birthdays start pouring in, the conference is in November, class starts up again (I wanted a summer one but it was cancelled), and everything will turn into high stress time all over again. At least it’s only half the year right?

How are you all doing with the Hydration challenge this month? I’m getting better little by little. I thought I could start strong but it wasn’t happening. I have this sports bottle at work and it says I should drink 3 of them with water every day. So far, I can clear one for sure. Today, I even finished it off by noon. But I just can’t seem to get down the second one before 5. I’m trying though. I figure if I can get two down at work, I’ll have a much better shot of meeting the water requirement. Once I get home, it can get harder but I do tend to do more chuggings at home.

I’ve been crocheting a lot the past couple of days. I found a pattern for a really pretty shrug. So I tried it out and it worked up really fast and really pretty. So much so I was able to start a second one yesterday and I’m halfway through with it today. I basically only need three Mother’s Day gifts– my mom, my aunt, and my grandmother. The shrugs are for the first two. I’ll buy my grandmother something this time.

I should get some money this weekend so that’ll be good. I can shop for the Secret Sister swap. For the gift I’m making her, I do need to buy some yarn because I don’t have her colors in my stash. I’m excited about it because I finally got an idea. I was a little stumped for a while but I had a breakthrough so now I’m all ready.

Ok I’m going to make a really silly little whine right now so just humor me please. This weekend will be the third weekend in a row the kids are with me. And I’m worn out. The past few weeks have been some of the most stressful weeks I’ve had to go through in a while. They have also been extremely busy weekends. The Boyfriend works on weekends so it’s not like I can say “Hey babe do you mind watching the kids so I can get out for a breather?” and my mom does so much for me during the week, asking her to watch them on the weekend is unfair too.

Anyways, it’s sort of thrown me for a loop and it’s taken its toll the whole thing of the stress and no break sandwich. But I remedied it with a date night for tonight. Avengers, assemble! I really want to see Dark Shadows too but one great movie at a time, right?

I’m reading again. That slowed down for a bit too. I’ve only read 12 books this year which puts me 5 books behind my goal of 50. I don’t think I’ll make it this year, but I’d like to get close at least. Right now, I’m reading Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I’ve got The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes & Nocturnes (New Edition) (Sandman New Editions), The Sandman, Vol. 2: The Doll’s House, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance – Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!, and Dance Dance Dance waiting for me at home. Plus there’s a bunch of Young Adult stuff I need to catch up on– especially all the Rick Riordan books that have piled up. And I’ve got six more books in the library request system that are more popular and harder to get a hold of but should slowly make their way to me.

I can’t believe it’s Mother’s Day weekend already. For all of you mothers out there, have a beautiful weekend! I’ll be thinking of you.

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

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Before anything else,

Thank you from the bottom of my mutant heart

Thank you so much for your words of support and sympathy and encouragement and confidence. I can’t explain how, but please know they are so so so helpful and I read each and every one more than once and I want to hug each and every one of you, I really do.

I’ve talked before about rhyming events– little things that pop up everywhere that shouldn’t be connected but they are. Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of things about inner monologues, the way we treat ourselves, the lies we tell ourselves.

In January, I decided to take on a lie I’ve been telling myself since middle school– I’m not a math person. As I have grown older and more comfortable in my own skin and with my own brain, I’ve started to wonder if maybe I’m kind of a math person. Or at the very least, maybe I’m not really that bad at math. So I did the only logical thing I could think of and enrolled in Pre-Calculus I. Sure, it had been 13 years since I’d sat in a math class but whatever– if I was going to do this, I was going to freaking do this and all I had to do was pass.

Next Thursday is the last day of class and my final is on May 4. I’ve had three tests so far and my lowest grade was a 90 while my highest grade was a 100. I do the homework (most of it) and have done every single extra credit assignment. In other words, it looks like I have an A average. In Pre-Calculus. Not a math person? Um… about that…

This experience is rattling me– in good ways and in anxious ways. Because as exciting as it is to understand that there is this whole new world slowly opening itself up to me, it’s sort of frustrating to know I’m the one that slammed the damn thing shut in the first place.

And then, I can’t help but wonder– What else am I lying to myself about and why?

I hate crying. Do I really? I cry for so many things and I get mad when I do but why? Maybe I don’t hate crying. Crying can feel really good. Quite honestly, there are many times where I am craving a good wracking sob. So maybe what I hate is that I love to cry. But why? I get mad at my kids when they cry too and I honestly can’t explain it. Why? What’s the harm in crying? If I can’t explain it for myself, why am I projecting this onto the kids too? Why does it get me so angry?

I’m tough as nails. Not really. I’m actually pretty thin-skinned. I hate criticism. I hate feeling as if I’ve hurt anyone or let anyone done. I am freaking mushy you guys. I love hugs and kisses and silly signs of affection. I adore love songs– the good old ones that are full of this innocent sentimentality that just doesn’t exist in modern culture. Apparently I somehow equated being tough as nails with resiliency. Am I resilient? Oh heck yes. Tough? Um, no.

I’m not good at being a mom. Why does this even come into my brain? I’m not Perfect Mommy because that doesn’t exist. The fact is, I am constantly thinking about my children. I am constantly considering what is good for them and what can be better. I try and be in the moment as much as possible, keeping my expectations in line with what is reasonable for each child. I do things to put small smiles on their faces. I hurt when they hurt. I discipline them when they’ve done something wrong. I am a good mom because that’s what good moms do.

“I can’t take care of myself and my three kids.”

Sound familiar? This one’s fresh in my brain and the fact is– it’s just not true. Yes I can and yes I will. Do I have a plan in place? Not yet, not really. But the bottom line is that I don’t have any choice in the matter. We have to get through. We have to survive and we have to thrive and we have to do it together. We are the family unit when push comes to shove. More proof contrary to my popular belief that I’m not a good mom. Yes I am, because the fact is I have been the one who has done the majority of the providing and supporting of my children for years now. And the fact is I will continue to do so for many, many years until my death if I need to.

Confronting our inner lies is a weird experience. It’s especially confusing when we understand we are in fact dealing with something that is not true and yet we continue to cling to it, seeking supportive evidence. Some lies are easier to break than others. For me, the math one was surprisingly easy to break– at least temporarily. I still have moments of frustration when I don’t get a mathematical concept right away. I immediately begin to doubt myself but then again, I have something concrete to look at that shuts me up– my grades. Not all of life’s lies are that tangible.

I honestly don’t know that we can erase all inner lies from our inner lives. If we could, I would expect we would be Perfect and that doesn’t exist. But I do believe it’s important to wrestle with as many of them as possible because they really are problematic. And if we can’t eliminate, can we at least slow down the flow?

Honestly, think about it. How many times in an hour do we proclaim ourselves “stupid” or “an idiot” or just plain “dumb”? How many times do we “Duh” ourselves? And why? What the heck does it do for us? Does it make the mistake we made go away? Does it teach us a lesson? Does it help us move on?

No. It’s just an automatic response as ingrained in our social mannerisms as “How are you?”. And while it may seem harmless because it is automatic, that doesn’t fly and we know it. Some times, we are most dangerous on auto-pilot– to others and yes, to ourselves too.

I cannot tell you how many times I have completely berated myself about my looks. You probably have an idea considering my De-Frumpiness Project and as I move through the project, that is changing too and it’s also helping me confront that other lie– “I’m not pretty.” How many of us have some version of this? How many of us will concede something like, “Well I’m not hideous, I mean I’m kinda cute I think, but I’m not hot or anything.” I know I’m not alone on that one because I’ve heard the very thing out of the mouths of others– not just myself.

I think these are the lies that are the hardest, if not impossible to banish from our inner monologues– the subjective ones. Unfortunately most things in life are subjective. So why do I seem to default to the negative view on things regarding myself? How do we change that?

I don’t know, which is why I’m here. The only thing I can think of is raising awareness. If we are to become more aware of the thoughts that are swimming in our heads and begin to question their purpose, maybe we can make a dent in breaking them down. I like to think of them as cancer thoughts. They don’t really belong there but there they are and they can accumulate at remarkable speeds causing damage across several levels. And perhaps the self-examination process is the equivalent of a mental chemotherapy.

It is exhausting to self-examine isn’t it? It can even make you sick as you peel away at so many layers that have accumulated over time and that may even have thickened because we didn’t take care of ourselves very well emotionally.

It’s hard to step back and realize a lot of this damage is our own doing. The flip side, of course, is that just as we caused the majority of the damage, with a little assistance from others, we can repair the damage, with a little assistance from others. Or at least, that’s what I’m choosing to believe.

Doubt is not something that is going to help me in any way during the next few months. As a matter of fact, doubt is not something that is going to help me at all in this lifetime.

But right now, I’m in a Critical state and I need to get myself in line with a positive attitude. I need to get rid of things that obscure my vision because I need to see as many options as possible. I need to summon up skills I have readily relied on my entire life and nourish new ones (or newly discovered ones).

The bottom line is, I really want that which is best for me, all of me. And I am really ready to work at that– to cut through all of my own tangled webs and get to the core of things, strengthen it, and move along.

In other words, I am ready to

 

How much do you spend on your kids?

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It always amuses me when people with no children ask people with children questions about having children. It amuses because it’s sort of  an exercise in futility and you’ll only understand that once you have kids.

Simply put, there is no way to wrap your head around what life will be like when you have children. Don’t try and argue with it. It doesn’t matter if you teach a daycare. It doesn’t matter if you were the one that raised your younger siblings. It doesn’t matter at all what life has brought you, you will never be the same once you’ve had a child.

This isn’t a bad thing so I don’t know why people sort of panic when you say that. Yes there are certainly circumstances where people lose their sense of identity but we all go through identity crises and most of us go through them at multiple points in our life.

I can’t tell you what it will be like when you have a child. I can’t tell you how things will change. And besides, even if I did sit and list the millions of ways I have changed after having children, you will undoubtedly say “That will never happen to me” regarding all of the not fun stuff.

I was poking around at GRS wondering what the hell happened to JD since his personal blog was alerting me it was an “Attack Site!” with a big red scary banner. I don’t read GRS anymore because I felt the site got stale. I mean seriously how many ways can you talk about investments and cutting expenses and increasing income?

It was whilst poking around I came across the post Ask the Readers: How much do you spend on kids? I like these types of questions because I track my expenses and this sort of question gives my tracking purpose. I should note that because of my divorce, I diligently track my kid-related expenses separately from mine as much as I can.

I was curious about my own spending and looked into it. This year, I have spent $3,000 on my kids. That breaks down to $1000 a month, at roughly $333 each child. I wasn’t sure how I was doing compared to last year so I looked. Last year, I spent $12,331 on my kids so I’m right on track. Now, here’s the thing. This number isn’t a complete picture and it can’t be a complete picture to a certain degree.

Why? It doesn’t include all of my child-related expenses.

What the amount covers

  • Private school registration (My folks help with the tuition)
  • School-related expenses (field trips, yearbook pictures, teachers gift pools, fundraisers, activities, etc.)
  • Extra-curricular activities
  • Summer Camp
  • Clothing
  • Uninsured medical costs
  • Personal care
  • Allowance
  • Gifts

What the amount doesn’t cover

  • Health insurance. My insurance would be free if it was just me but I have children to cover and I pay $222 a month for that plus another $32 for dental.
  • Food. I am not so particular as to try and break out the cost of food for the children from my own but for the purpose of this post, we’ll do some averages. I spent $8200 on food last year. We were a family of four. They are three and I am one. Their portion of that is $6150 ($512.50 a month). Obviously, this is a rough rough number because of portions and food out and all of that but I bet it sort of averages out in the end.
  • Rent. I live in a big house because I have three children. This one is tough for me to adjust because I pay very cheap rent for the type of house I rent. $1500 is the average for many apartments so for me to rent a 3 bedroom house at that price is spectacular. I’m not sure I’d be saving much money if I was on my own especially as I’d probably be living in a more expensive part of town like the beach. Where I would save on housing costs would be in the stuff that goes into houses. I’d have less rooms to furnish for instance and I’d also most likely have lower utilities.
  • Auto. Ok this one I know I can blame on the kids. I hate big cars. I love small cars. I had the cutest most awesome little tiny Mitsubishi and it’s loan was ending the same month Daughter was born. We couldn’t fit in the car with her infant car seat in the back. Well I could but no other adult. No it wasn’t a sports car, it was just a tiny little Mirage. That thing was awesome and would’ve lasted me years. It was stick and had no-frills and I took care of it. But I had to trade it in for something bigger. Larger car = larger car payment + larger insurance payment + larger gas payments. Funny enough, my current car is ending its loan this year and its giving me problems. The car is a 2003 Nissan Murano and apparently the previous owner didn’t do a great job maintaining it because it has a bunch of problems in the engine. And as much as I am pining for something tiny again I know it’s not feasible (I would totally drive a Smart Car or a Prius or a Yaris or whatever else is micro). We are now a family of five with Boyfriend living with us and when his daughter comes to visit, we’re a family of six who don’t fit in the Murano. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m looking at minivans. They don’t retain their value which is great for buyers (me) and they’re roomy which is great for families (us). I am trying to deal with the identity crisis this is bringing on, trust me.

So there you go. This is how much I spend on my kids. And I don’t think the amount spent fluctuates as the ages change, I believe everything sort of evens itself out with certain expenses fitting right in and compensating for the other. Yeah the big ones don’t wear diapers but they wreck their clothes and shoes. They don’t have daycare but they have school and extra-curriculars and summer camps. When they’re babies, they outgrow toys and things quickly but when they’re older their tastes and the tastes of their friends change just as fast.

That being said, I have a feeling this year will see an uptick in how much I’m spending on the kids because I’m receiving consistent child support payments. Last year, I had gone several months in the beginning of the year receiving either very little or nothing at all. We simply went without a lot of things.

One last thing I’d like to say is I’m not arguing the point that having children is expensive. The bottom line is money earned is money spent. What does happen when you have kids is you have way more restrictions on how your money is spent. More of your money is going into resources leaving less of your money free for you to manage as you wish. That is the important thing to think about if you’re thinking about the cost of having kids.

Amounts are pointless. They simply vary way too much by way too many factors. The important thing to consider is how much of your money is allocated to essentials and how much is left over for you to direct as you wish– into accelerated debt repayment, travel, investments, retirement, hobbies, self-improvement, etc. If you are having a very hard time covering the essentials, you are going to be in for a rough ride when children come into your life. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but you’d better be ready to cut expenses and raise income. If you can’t do that, you might want to hold off on children. If you are not having a hard time covering the essentials but you and your partner can’t envision yourselves letting go of a lot of the non-essentials you might want to have a serious talk about children or at least be prepared for a series of identity crises. A lot of those non-essentials are going to disappear. I can’t tell you which ones, I don’t think you can either for what it’s worth, and I can’t tell you how many. For some people, it’s been hardly any. For other people, it’s been practically all of them.

Those are the kinds of things to think about if you’re considering children. Forget amounts, fixed or ranges, and just think about your financially dependent life experiences.

For other parents: Have you ever figured out how much you spend on your kids? Did you notice a pattern in spending increase or decrease with age? I haven’t but my three are in pre-school and elementary so I haven’t experienced the full range of child-rearing yet. How many times do you find yourself thinking, “I would totally spend money on that if I didn’t have kids”?

For non-parents: What’s the biggest thing that freaks you out about having kids? Or are you super gung-ho to have them?

On Christmas and Books and Crochet

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I figured I’d write a post that has nothing at all to do with money or shopping or anything like that. Mostly because I just need a little break thinking about it all.

Do you remember how I challenged myself to read 60 books this year? Well I’ve been doing pretty well but got derailed a couple of months. Now I have 8 more to go. I used Robert’s list of ranked books at 101 Books to help me put in a slew of requests at the library.  Right now, I’m reading Revolutionary Road. I have 1984 and Naked Lunch at home. The library is gathering together Never Let Me Go, Lolita, Rabbit, Run, Blood Meridian, The French Lieutenant’s Woman, I, Claudius, A Clockwork Orange, and The Spy Who Came In From The Cold. Can you believe I’ve never read these? At least, I don’t remember if I did.

It kinda kills me that I have a Bachelor of Arts in English and have not read so many classic books. My University never offered a great comprehensive course on more modern stuff which was just such a letdown for me. Anyways, I’ll have lots of books to choose from and I have a couple more Rick Riordan books to read as well to help get some fast and easy reads in there. 25 days. 8 books. Should be fun. I just realized my list of books that I’ve read on here needs major updating. I’ll have to put that on my To-Do list for the week.

It’s a really unique experience when I pull into my train station every morning. Coming up from a good read is so much like coming up from a dream-filled sleep. Honestly, that’s what reading is most like to me. Dreaming. I don’t know what everyone else’s experience of reading is like.

I’ve never been good at creating crystal images in my head. I can’t conjure up the perfect Frank and April Wheeler for instance. I just gather up these vague impressions that shift. It’s much the same as my dreaming experiences. Especially the dreams that play out as if they were a movie I was watching. Have you done that? Even in those kinds of dreams, the appearance of some “characters” suddenly change and I don’t skip a beat.

It’s like that for me with books. Characters aren’t static when I read them. They’re not definite either. In one of Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson books, Percy is describing his meeting with Aphrodite. And it’s a struggle for him to describe her because she doesn’t settle into one appearance. She is all of his ideas of beauty swirling together, in and out. That’s my experience when I read books and try and envision characters.

But yeah, folding the corner or placing something in the book to mark the page. I put the book in my purse and look up blinking. I feel so surreal for the first few minutes as I walk to my office. With my brain drifting from the story into the reality. It leaves me feeling somewhat sleepy and sometimes even sad.

I would probably be reading faster but I got back to the crocheted afghan I promised my mother almost a year ago and began months ago. There’s this one row that has been going so slowly and tediously. It’s this beautiful cablesque row but you have to crochet, chain, crochet, turn, crochet, turn, repeat. Again and again across 152 stitches. I’ve been doing it little by little for the past three nights and I’m not done yet. This blanket though is really pretty. And I know that my mother will be very happy to have it and she will be very proud that I made it for her and honestly, there aren’t many times in my life where I’m convinced I’ve made my mom proud but the blanket one is a definite. So there’s a little excited anticipation moving me forward.

I have no delusions about having it ready for Christmas. I just want to have it soon. And I’m not going to crochet anything else until it’s done. The only exception would be a hat for my daughter to replace the butterfly hat because the cat decided the wool was much too tempting to not chew on.

I’m feeling hermitish again. Maybe it’s the time of year. I just want to withdraw into my shell of a home. It’s turning into a Christmas home too which is nice.

I put up our Christmas tree this weekend but when I went to put the angel from 1983 up, she didn’t light up. I love this angel. She’s the one sat on the top of our tree as kids for years. So The Boyfriend and I had the same idea– buy new lights and re-light her. It’s not exactly change the bulbs, I have to unwire her and buy a miniature string– the type they use for wreaths for instance. I’m happy about this prospect though. A vintage Christmas angel with LED lights. I hope my idea works or that at the very least, I figure out a way to make it work.

I have the crazy kind of Christmas tree. The one with the colored lights and the ornaments that have no theme or anything. I like those trees the best. I know there are people who love the Gold and Cream, or the Red and Green, or the Silver and White, or even the Pink, White, and Lime. But for me, everything goes. And every year I take the kids to Target to buy a new ornament to add. It’s had this unforeseen effect of making unwrapping the ornaments a really special experience. The only thing that makes me sad is that I’ve forgotten what ornaments are from what year and that sort of thing. This year when I put them away, I’ll have to pull out the Sharpie and write the info on the bottom of the special ones.

Stories. Memories. Creations. Personalities. All on a tree. There are even photos as the kids make ornaments in school to bring home. I found one of Eldest from four years ago. My heart jumped into my throat as I was jarred by the image. I don’t remember my Eldest looking like that. Was it really just four years ago? His cheeks were so sweet and his smile so funny. A little old man grin on a four year old cherub face. I kept looking from the ornament to him. It’s shocking when it’s unexpected like that. Mystifying.

A new year is mere weeks away. How can it be? And yet, how can it not?

Reshare: What would you do to save one life?

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I never, ever, ever, ever, ever do this sort of thing, I don’t even have guest posts. But, helping each other out is important to me and when we’re talking about someone’s life, it’s double-down. When the person in question is the exact same age as me, it’s all in. I’ve already made a donation and I’m going to try and make a couple of more. But the real reason I am reposting this from Daily Plate of Crazy is because this needs to get circulated and it needs to get circulated fast. So please read below and do what you can whether it be a donation of your own, a passing on of the call for help, or maybe a little bit of both.

What Would You Do To Save One Life?

In the town of Sanford, North Carolina, population 30,000, a community is watching one of their own, closely. The fact is, without an organ transplant, 31-year old Ashley Quiñones will die.

Ashley needs a kidney transplant. Dialysis, which is a viable long-term option for many, isn’t a long-term option for her.

Medicaid – Ashley’s only insurer – will not fund the necessary surgery, which is estimated at $250,000. The family has appealed once and been rejected. A second appeal is in Ashley’s future, but the process, of course, requires time.

Our health care crisis? It’s about individuals. It’s about families. It’s about you and me. And it’s certainly about Ashley.

Ashley’s kidney donor has been cleared and ready to go for the past two years, but without the ability to pay for the surgery, Ashley waits. And waits. If Ashley has to wait another year, from everything I understand, it’s unlikely that she will be here.

To be clear, Medicaid has reasons for their position (more on that in a moment), but Ashley’s doctors are convinced that a new kidney will give her another 10 years – at least – of quality life.

It’s worth noting that Ashley has never been able to purchase health care coverage because of a pre-existing condition – Cystic Fibrosis – and therefore, has no option except Medicaid and their decisions. Her life is quite literally in their hands.

Ashley’s Story, and Ours As a Community

Ashley was born with Cystic Fibrosis, which has meant a life of assorted medical interventions, yet a life that includes joy, loving, and giving back. She works two jobs – one teaching English to non-native speakers through the local community college, and another, as a developmental aid to a child classified as “severe profound.”

Ashley’s dream? To use her theater education and training as an actress to help disabled children through drama therapy.

Many of us believe our health care system is rife with problems and inequities. This is only one example. Some of you may say – “yes, but there are rules and tough choices, there are good people whose job it is to make these difficult decisions.”

And I would agree. I can’t imagine the heart-wrenching decisions that must be made in systems that are complicated and costly, and in which clear-cut answers may be not always be evident. But systems are intended to serve people – and not the other way around.

Sometimes, when issues are so complex that we don’t know where to start to repair them, when we lose sight of the human element, when we feel overwhelmed – we surrender to the futility of it all. And we do nothing.

I know that’s the case for me, or has been in the past.

Yet I believe that most of us want to make a difference in the lives of others. We simply don’t know where to begin.

Maybe we can begin with Ashley. Maybe we can begin by picturing our own healthy children, their healthy friends, our healthy selves.

There but for the grace of God, as the saying goes. And I tell myself – maybe we can’t save the world, but we can save one life.

Not one of us, on our own. But many of us, working together.

COTA, and Ashley’s Transplant History

Ashley’s family and community have been working to raise funds. They’ve managed to accumulate just over $16,600 – all handled through the Children’s Organ Transplant Association (COTA), where Ashley is listed for a kidney transplant. COTA is a 501(c)(3)  national charity dedicated to organizing and guiding communities in raising funds for transplant-needy patients. COTA has been in existence since 1986, with a 4-star rating (out of 4) from Charity Navigator.

Having received a life-saving double-lung transplant in 2001, Ashley is in COTA’s system for life. You can read more about Ashley on their site, and view the progress of donations on her behalf.

In the interest of full disclosure, the medications Ashley takes to keep her lungs healthy and prevent her body from rejecting them place a tremendous strain on her system – specifically, her kidneys. And those hard-worked organs are at the end of their rope.

It is the fact of the lung transplant and a condition known as Bronchial Obliterans Syndrome (BOS) that Medicaid is, to date, denying Ashley’s surgical coverage. Her lungs are beginning to show wear, though her doctors believe she will stabilize and do well following the kidney transplant. It is expected that she will need another lung transplant at some point in the future.

The estimated cost of the kidney transplant is $250,000.

And remember – Ashley has a donor cleared and ready to go. What she doesn’t have is the money that’s required.  

Big Bucks in Context

So just how much is $250,000? Or, as to what remains to be raised – $234,000?

When you mention a sum like that, it seems beyond comprehension. But what if you spread the cost over 1,000 people? Or 2,000 people? Or more?

  • That’s $234 spread over 1,000 people.
  • That’s $117 if 2,000 people were to contribute.

Those are amounts that I can fathom. Those are amounts I can put into context.

  • $117 is less than an afternoon at the local day spa, after a stressful week of work and kids.*
  • $117 is less than three weeks of Venti Lattes, grabbed on your way to  the office and likewise, on your commute home.**
  • $117 might be the cost to personalize your holiday cards, to purchase the shoes that match your new dress, to send the gift basket you’ve picked out for your mother-in-law.

My point in mentioning these figures is only to put these amounts into context. Everyone I know works extremely hard for their money, and times are tight, tight, tight.

But if 2,000 people could come up with $100 or so? If some of us can donate more – and others, understandably, less – isn’t it worth trying to help?

The fact is – any amount helps. Every dollar brings Ashley closer to returning health.

Our Health Care Crisis Involves People & Families

I’ve written about the health care conversation in this country before, several times. I would like to cite a comment made on one of my health care-related articles, not long ago. It was written by Ashley’s sister, Kelly Miller, whom you may know from her blog, The Miller Mix:

…we struggle to raise [money] for my sister’s kidney transplant that Medicaid is refusing to pay for. However, she couldn’t buy health insurance from any other provider even if she had a steady 40-hr/wk job because of her pre-existing condition. So she can’t buy coverage and the system won’t give her coverage, so she must pay out of pocket for a kidney she’ll take great care of.

Meanwhile, someone who smoked and drank most of their lives, and likely will again, can get a transplant easy-peasy for a fraction of the cost because the system is set up in their favor.

I’ve been unable to get Ashley out of my mind since reading Kelly’s comment, and this post is the result of the past weeks of research, of talking with Kelly, and talking with COTA. I can’t stop asking myself: What if one of my children had been born with CF or some other disease? What if I had no medical coverage to help them?

Finances are tight in my household, as they may be in yours. But I’ve just made my COTA donation, which required only a few minutes. I went directly through Ashley’s contribution page, clicked the DONATE box, completed the process, noted that it was a gift in tribute to my two sons, and they will receive an acknowledgment letter to that effect.

I think it’s the best Christmas gift ever. And I know they will agree.

Additional Details

It took five minutes and a credit card. The amount of my donation was reflected immediately. One minute later, I received my email confirmation, usable for tax reporting.

Painless.

Easy.

And here’s the before and after in terms of Ashley’s COTA account:

Should you choose to read more about Ashley, you may do so here.  To learn about the donation process in general – by check, money order or online, read here.

To donate online for Ashley, please do so here.

As to use of funds, any monies donated to Ashley through COTA go 100% to Ashley’s transplant-related medical expenses. No administrative or other fees are taken out of your donation, which you will read on COTA’s site and they will confirm if you speak to them personally.

Here are a few more details, to direct your donation to Ashley’s COTA transplant account:

  • It is critical that you earmark donations for Ashley Quiñones. If you are donating by check, write her name in the memo line of your check.
  • As part of the online process, if you do not wish to receive any mailings or be solicited by COTA in any way, then check the box that says “Do not include my name on the COTA report.”
  • You have the option of donating for Ashley in memory of someone or in tribute to someone – in other words, as a gift. As I mentioned above, money I would otherwise spend on something my sons don’t really need will go, instead, to Ashley’s kidney account through COTA.
  • When you donate in memory of or tribute to someone, COTA will send an acknowledgment on their letterhead; you have only to use the  space in the online process or, if sending a check or money order, enclose a note with the name and address of the person you are honoring and the occasion.
  • Your COTA donation for Ashley may also be eligible for matching gifts from your employer. Be sure to check COTA’s Matching Gifts page, use the search function, and see if your employer participates. (I tried it out – there are many organizations that match funds. This could double the amount Ashley will receive toward her transplant!)
  • If you don’t find your employer listed, feel free to contact COTA to verify. And don’t forget you can check with your Human Resources Department as well.
  • Be sure to provide your email address if you wish a tax receipt to be emailed. Otherwise, your address information will be used to acknowledge your tax deductible contribution.

You may find a few more housekeeping items here, at this FAQ for Ashley Q.

Ashley’s Future

So what will Ashley’s prospects be with the new kidney?

According to her doctors, if she receives the new kidney, her prognosis is excellent. Clearly, the sooner she can undergo the transplant procedure the better; her doctors are optimistic. However, the more time that passes, the darker the outlook.

As to the dialysis issue, Ashley’s overall health must stay reasonably good in order for her to qualify for a second double-lung transplant. If she winds up on dialysis, her overall health will plummet. Most of Ashley’s lung issues are vascular (related to her veins), and the renal system (kidneys) is tied into that.

While Ashley is currently in renal failure, it’s still manageable. She’s continuously adjusting her diet to avoid dialysis for as long as possible. At this point, the doctors are predicting another month or so.

If you want more detail on this, the best person to contact is Kelly, Ashley’s sister (her email is below).

And please see Kelly’s updated post for more information on Ashley’s situation.

What Wouldn’t You Do?

I wasn’t asked to write this post. But I couldn’t have looked myself in the mirror if I hadn’t. Call me idealistic, call me crazy, call me annoying. But I insist on believing that we can make a difference in the world – one person at a time.

What if Ashley were your sister, your daughter, your best friend? What would you do to save her life?

What wouldn’t you do?

Some of you know Kelly, Ashley’s sister. Some of you have already given generously, and I know the family is immeasurably grateful. I will remind you that we teach our children through our actions, and it’s never too late to do so.

As for the fact that it’s the time of year that organizations come calling, and we look for tax deductions, I’d say that helping Ashley get a kidney is a win, all round.

So I’m asking you to consider giving – if you can, and whatever amount you can.

I’m also asking that you share Ashley’s story, and its urgency. This is about Ashley, but also every life that she will touch in the future – for the better. And this is about us, and fighting a growing sense of powerlessness by taking action – one person at a time.

If you decide to donate, you may click the image to the right (Donate Now), which will take you to Ashley’s online Donation page.

More Information on COTA.org

For more information you may contact COTA directly online, by calling 1-800-366-2682, or access Ashley’s page at www.cotaforashleyq.com. You may also contact Kelly via email, at kqmiller @ gmail.com.

Whatever you decide to do, thank you for reading, and for your consideration.


Update 11/13/11 – If you’re tweeting for Ashley, please use the hashtag #KidneyCutie - and thank you!
*A little research showed half-day spa treatments ranging from $180 to $280 in my area.
**Starbucks Grande Caramel Macchiato: $4.25 before tax, in my neighborhood. Venti Latte: $4.50 before tax. Two a day? You’re in the vicinity of $45/week!

© D. A. Wolf

October: Eye of the Tiger

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Second month in a row my goals for the month have a soundtrack. You know you guys love the wacky music. Ok, before we get into October, let’s do a quick drive-by on September shall we?

September- Financial

Retirement- The employer contribution and match went into effect with my paycheck on the 30th of September. I checked, they’re in my account and I can call this one a Check!

Savings- My total in savings is $1021 so Check!

Budget for Bigger Than Usual- Laptop and vehicle registration were paid without a hitch. Check!

Credit Cards- Target was paid off. Check!

Coupon System- Changed and just in time too. My binder is freaking humongous. I’d show you but then I’d have to ask “Dontcha wish your coupons were fat like mine?” and that’d be horrible. Check!

September- Personal

Books: Yes! Books rock! I read three this month– Lamb, A Visit from the Goon Squad, and The Iron Duke. And honestly I loved all of them. Check!

Crochet- I think it’s funny I thought I’d finish a blanket in September. Hilarious. I got to the part I need to change skeins and haven’t budged. Mixed Results.

Girl Time/Working Out: I got girl time! I went to the circus yoga thing and eh it wasn’t my favorite. I actually got overheated and kinda faint so the owner pulled me into her air conditioned office and chatted with me. But my friend and I had fun and we met with another friend for lunch. Good times. Check!

Box Tops: We’re collecting happily! Eldest and Daughter’s classes are tied for first place so I’m letting them fend for themselves. If they spot a box top they get to claim it. Check!

Anti-Hermit: I totally rocked this September. I was out and about and did play dates and stuff like that. I also rested. But yes I got out of my comfort zone and it was good. I’d love to give you specific examples but I’m fried and can’t think of any other than the day I had like six kids running around in here at one time… Check!

Culture: We didn’t do a play but we did go to a comedy show and had a freaking blast. They gave me free tickets, and had a two drink minimum. I went with my girl friend, my Friend, and his friend and we all really just enjoyed ourselves. Check!

Work: Totally freaking psychotically demanding right now but the cohesion is definitely there now and I’m happy about that. Check!

Now, at first I really didn’t think I’d set many goals for October because of how purely insane everything is because of work. But, after recapping September and working out my budget, I think maybe I’ll go ahead and do a few just to give me something to focus on.

October- Financial

Car Repair Bill- My mechanic is a great guy and he lets me carry a balance. I owe him $220 on a repair that’s just plain old and it’s embarrassing. I’d like to pay this off this month.

Bigger than Usual Bills and the stuff I Forgot About/Didn’t Know About- I totally screwed up and have a bunch of bigger than usual things to pay for this month. Remember, anything over about $50 is bigger than usual to me. In school-related expenses alone, I’m easily looking at $300 (photos, activity fees, etc.). My son’s karate school is doing a sleep-over/intensive program that’s $75. There’s the final T-Mobile bill which should be under $400 but you never know. Also the Friend has his birthday this month and I knew about that one but it’ll likely be a bigger than usual thing. I think that’s it but I keep my budget spreadsheet at work and can’t remember what else right now. The good news is, I won’t have to dip into savings for any of it. The bad news is, I won’t be able to put anything into savings to cover all of it.

Cash- I’m trying to stick to cash only for anything that’s not a bill. Even though it’s harder to track (why people are less inclined to give you receipts when you pay cash is beyond me), it helps me fatten up my Christmas pig which I think I may name Tinsel.

October- Personal

Don’t have a nervous breakdown- Seriously the stress is getting out of hand. I’m at the point where I wish there was a way that I could not sleep again until October 30th without any ill consequence but apparently that’s freaking impossible or whatever. Lame. So instead, I’m just going to try and get through the month without losing my mind or scarring the children or chasing away the Friend or making my co-workers hate me or lose all of my readers.

Dance, dance, dance: On Sunday, I went to a pole dance class. And I had a way better time than I expected and I’m almost ashamed of how much fun I had but not really. The Groupon was for five sessions which is how each of their Pole Dance Levels are structured. So, I have to go once a week to complete the session. I really may consider buying more classes when the session is done if I can afford it. They have lots of different types of dance classes and I felt very comfortable right away. But, for this month my goal is to finish the five week session in five weeks.

So there we go. I’m keeping the list short and sweet for October. What about you? Are you taking it easy before the holidays or are you ramping up now in the hopes of taking it easy as the year closes? Or are you wild and crazy and going full-throttle into 2012 (holy hell it’s right there!)?

P.S. Pauline was super sweet and spotlighted me in her Bloggers Space this past Sunday. I haven’t had a freaking moment to post about it on here but, better late than never right? Check it out to see pictures of my blogging spaces and read about why I write where I do. See you soon!

Spotlight: Daily Plate of Crazy

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There are two things I love equally about blogging– my blog and your blogs. With that in mind, once a week I’ll be devoting some space to one of the blogs I read. Prepare yourselves to be introduced to the gazillion facets of my personality because the scope of the blogs I read is vast, wide, and assorted like a jumbo box of chocolates.

This week’s blog: Daily Plate of Crazy

I’ve seen many blogs attempt daily posting. They almost always fail miserably or they generate some pretty silly posts that are just all-around weak or over time they become increasingly repetitive (like where I feel GRS is lately). This is not a problem over at Daily Plate of Crazy who manages to generate quality posts every single day. I’m totally jealous. But more than that, I’m totally grateful.

Her subjects are varied: dating, single motherhood, empty nest, midlife womanhood, gender issues, raising teenagers, self-esteem, and on and on. But the essays are all well-written and carefully thought out. She often elaborates or provides commentary on interesting news pieces. And sometimes, she just lets her emotions take the lead– frustration, loneliness, confusion, humor, whatever. Nothing seems off-limits– even her own doubt on whether writing daily accomplishes anything, affects anything, makes a difference.

It’s refreshing to read her writing because it flies in the face of so many other blogs (not all, of course)– the vocabulary is eloquent, the essays are long but concise, and she does a great job of pointing a reader to other very intelligent and worthwhile reading as well.

Have you discovered Daily Plate of Crazy? Do you try and write daily?