Monthly Archives: July 2012

Better vs Easier

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I’ve started writing this post twice already. Third time’s a charm…

While I was reading The Marriage Plot, I stumbled across this quote,

My life getting better, but it ain’t getting any easier.

And it sent something through me, something warm and soothing. I’ve since read it over a billion times. What drives me batty is what an obvious statement of fact it is. Better is rarely easier. That’s so obvious.

Except it’s not. Not to me at least. I guess in some situations it makes sense to me, especially with something like food. Better food is seldom easier. It is not the same to make a cake from scratch as it is from the box. Even if you really enjoy that sort of thing, even if you do it so often it doesn’t feel harder to you at all, objectively it is.

I guess what I have found interesting is that I never really explored that concept further. In life things, my mind equates better with easier. A better job makes life easier. A better salary makes bill paying easier. A better parenting style makes raising children easier. Better self-esteem makes finding the man of your dreams easier. A better crocheter has an easier time with projects.

Are we on the same wavelength yet? Do you see what I’m alluding to?

Here are some things in my life that are Better but certainly not getting Easier.

Finances

It doesn’t feel this way, but when I step back and look at things objectively (concrete numbers make that easier) it’s obvious I am in a better financial state than I have been in my life. Not one of my six credit lines is maxed out and four of the six have zero balances and have had so for ages. I have retirement savings with five digits. I’ve never in my life saved so much money. When I subtract the amount of my debts (student and credit) from my savings, I have a net worth of over $20k which is something that was impossible to wrap my head around just five years ago. I swear there was a time in my life I believed net worth was for old people. At least the green ones (net worth, not people).

My finances aren’t any easier though. Not by a long shot. I recently drained the last of my savings to fund the last couple of weeks of summer camp because I couldn’t arrange care for the kids that wasn’t imposing on a bunch of people. The last time I got a normal, timely, child support payment was in April. The last time I got a child support payment at all was in June. And of course I have not been compensated for any of the cost of summer camp. I haven’t requested a dime from my parents but right now, things are finally approaching the perilous point. You know, the one where you’re counting the days left to your paycheck and taking inventory of your refrigerator, freezer, and pantry while anxiously glancing at the fuel needle. I’m surviving on a very tiny overdraft line of credit ING gives me for my checking account. The credit cards with empty balances are calling me a little louder every day.

Yeah, that point. That totally not easier point.

Love

I’m in a stronger, healthier relationship now. We have similar values and on similar life paths. We’ve had similar challenges in the past. It feels more like a team than anything I’ve been in before. He may not be my husband, but he treats me the way I always imagined my husband would treat me. But it’s not Easier. This Summer with his daughter here, I family went up to a size six. And managing the change in dynamics the presence of his daughter brought was challenging at times. Don’t get me wrong, the girl is great– she’s sweet and helpful but she craves her Dad’s attention (understandably) and I had to adjust to that without disappearing into the background at the same time.

And no matter how much we have in common, managing a family is still hard work. We’re still figuring out how to distribute work to each other and to the kids while making sure to communicate gratitude constantly.

Future Outlook

When I take the fact I’m back in school and combine it with the fact I was able to keep my job, I know I’m in a Better place than I was even two years ago as to propel myself forward to achieving more of my goals. It is certainly not Easier nor does it look likely to become so even though so many people feel compelled to promise me it will. No, school does not get Easier. And work does not get Easier. As I master something, I move on to the next thing instead of stagnating. There is always another step to take, another achievement to unlock.

Of course, I do believe there is a moment when Better and Easier do merge into one. I think that is the ultimate Achievement Unlocked and is represented by that peak on the happiness chart researchers keep finding.

What about you? Are things in your life better AND easier? Better but not easier? Easier but not better? Or neither better nor easier?

P.S. I’m still sick and dealing with this crap sinus infection. So I apologize if I got rambly in places. My powers of editing are vastly diminished in this state.

A Simple Thing: A Book Tour

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I was contacted by TLC Book Tours to host a virtual tour stop for author Kathleen McCleary and her new novel, A Simple Thingin exchange for a copy of the book. Since I love to read, and so many of you do as well, I agreed. So without further ado, here we go!

I could give you the standard blurb on the back of the book but I generally skim over those when people post them on their blogs so instead, I’m going to jump right in and tell you what the book’s about, what I liked, what I didn’t, and wrap up with how you can find out more about the book or Kathleen.

The novel pivots around two women– Susannah and Betty. Susannah is in her forties, and is married to a geologist named Matt with whom she has two children. Quinn is your typical nerdy outcast in sixth grade and Katie is your typical rude wild child in eighth grade. Betty is in her late seventies, early eighties, is a widow, and has a son named Jim who has a wife named Fiona with whom he has two eighth grade twin boys– Hood and Baker.

Their lives are brought together when Katie gets herself involved with the wrong guy and does something pretty stupid. On top of that, Quinn is being incessantly bullied and Susannah is dealing with some personal demons stemming from her own early teen years. Her solution to fixing everything? Packing the kids and herself up and moving to Sounder Island– a tiny little island off the coast of Washington. It has no telephones, no electricity, and limited plumbing. Cell phone, internet and television connections vary according to the weather. In other words, they go off the grid while her husband stays behind working his new job.

And so the story is about their time on Sounder Island and the personal development they go through with Betty (Susannah’s landlord on Sounder) and her clan acting as a foil to Susannah.

I really enjoyed this book. It’s perfect summer reading as it’s easy and interesting enough to keep the pages briskly turning. It’s also pretty short which I appreciate. I thought many of the characters were fleshed out really well. Funny enough, the character I identified the most with was the problematic Katie. Another fantastic character, and my second favorite, was a Sounder Island long time resident named Barefoot.

It’s not that I didn’t like the main characters, I did, but McCleary does a good job of fleshing out some of the minor characters as well. Betty’s story is pretty fascinating and complex and works beautifully as a foil for Susannah who took some time for me to warm up to her. Unfortunately, not all supporting characters get the four-star treatment Katie and Barefoot did. Quinn remains pretty one-dimensional, Susannah’s husband remains an enigma to me, and one of the twins seems entirely unnecessary and forgotten.

This is definitely a character-driven book so if you’re more into things like the challenges of facing your fears, love in unconventional forms, mother-daughter relationships, and making  peace with your demons rather than the practical complexities of living off the grid, I’d highly recommend this book. The challenges of living off the grid become one of McCleary’s not very fleshed out supporting characters if that makes sense. It presents itself strongly right in the beginning and then pretty much fades into the background making occasional cameos here and there.

For me, that’s just fine. I’d much rather dwell on the WHY than the HOW anyways.

The study of mother-daughter relationships is interesting. It’s pretty much non-existent in Betty’s case but it is nicely examined in Susannah’s story. There was even a passage I read aloud to Teenager who is the same age as Katie and having issues with her feelings towards her mother. Is that a standard thing for Teen Daughters to go through? If so, I’m glad I will only have to experience it once, that’s for sure.

The book is sentimental and if you time it just right hormonally, you’re sure to whimper a few tears here and there (guess how I know). I think this is a great one for book clubs or just groups of friends to share. It’s definitely a nice read– a good escape if you will.

If you’d like to find out more about the author, Kathleen McCleary, I’ve got some great news for you. She will be discussing the novel, A Simple Thing, on Book Club Girl August 21st at 7:00 PM EST. That means you have enough time to get a hold of the book, read it, and ask her some great questions. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.

Hope you enjoyed my two cents on this one. What are you reading now?

Quick Check-In

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Hey guys, I’m still here. I got slammed with a stomach virus late Sunday night/early Monday morning and then I got hit with a really bad cold that I think is mutating into a sinus infection as we speak,

My kids are excited about the giveaway and want to be part of the winner selection process so I’m waiting to draw the name until they come back on Monday. I was going to do it Thursday but have been too sick to do much but lay around in bed and go hang with my family for brief spurts of time. At least today I feel good enough to sit up in bed and crochet.

Anyways, hugs, kisses, and stay healthy!!

Giveaway: De-Frumpiness Toolbox

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Remember I mentioned the Spanish Professor gifted me one of her beauty boxes (New Beauty’s TestTube)? Well it actually ended up being a two for one deal and I got a second beauty box! So I asked her if I could pay it forward and do a giveaway with some of the products in the test tube along with a couple of beauty products and samples I had. She said yes (because she is awesome) and I went hunting and put together what I am calling the De-Frumpiness Toolbox.

In honor of the De-Frumpiness Project, I am going to give away a travel bag filled with beauty products and samples. Heck I might even throw in some accessories and a water bottle if I can get my hands on some before the giveaway closes. Some of the brands in the beauty bag are: Tresemmé, Jane Iredale, Mèmoire Liquide, Mally, Dr. Brandt, Skinceuticals, Julep (enter code COLOR2012 to get your first box for one cent), John Freida, and Olay Professional.

Fun stuff, right?

Ok now here’s the how-to-enter stuff.

First of all, US entries only. I’m sorry but the postage costs are through the roof and this little bag of goodies has some weight to it. And being that I’m not swimming in money (did I tell you guys the state informed me Ex owes me over $13,000 in child support?) I’ve got to stay reasonable. I do promise I will do a giveaway soon that is lightweight and therefore can ship anywhere but this one, sadly, is not it.

So, just move to the US and then leave a comment and tell me something you’ve done to treat yourself recently (the past month) and if you haven’t done anything to treat yourself recently, I want you to post what you’re going to do to treat yourself and when! One comment per person please.

The only bonus entries I’m giving are to single moms who blog. So if this is you, just write a second comment letting me know you’re a single mom and linking us to your blog. And while you’re at it, you might want to check my list of Single Parent Blogs and see if you’re on there. And I mean Single Moms with kids that are still dependent on them (and I’ll extend this to the single moms putting their babies through college). I admire you awesome veterans but you’re the first to remember how crazy easy it was to neglect yourself during the Chaos Days.

Giveaway ends in one week: July 19th, 2012 at Midnight EST

So, that’s it. My first giveaway!

Five Things I learned from Personal Finance Blogs & Books I wish I hadn’t

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When I started this blog in October 2009, it was with Single Motherhood in mind. As it turns out, one of the cruxes of single parenthood is finances and so my blog eventually rambled in and out of personal financedom. It was never intended to be the focus of my blog but I have read up a lot on it and I have shared personal finance related stories on here. Sometimes, I learned some great information that has helped me evolve and grow tremendously. Other times, I learned things that started out awesome and promising but have gone completely wrong. So with that in mind, I now present you with:

Five Things I Learned from Personal Finance Blogs & Books I Wish I Hadn’t

1. Donna Freedman’s Coke Rewards Collection Methods

I love Donna Freedman. I admire her and respect her endlessly. I really do. That woman has been through some tougher than tough times and just came out sparkly like a diamond. And I’ve learned a lot from Donna, including about the pretty cool Coke Rewards program that she uses and abuses to earn free trips to the movies. But ever since I found out how Donna collects those Rewards points (hint: she doesn’t consume gallons of the stuff on a daily basis) my entire experience of walking to and from anything has completely changed. I see them everywhere. Sometimes I pick them up but sometimes I don’t. Basically it comes down to how many people are around me. Yes I’m ashamed of picking up trash in front of other people. But if I walk by the Coke Reward bottle cap, the inner war begins:

“Pick it up, it’s a COKE REWARD!”

“Dude no freaking way. I look adorable in my pencil skirt and heels, there are like a gazillion people around me, and there’s not a trash can right next to it. And I forgot the hand sanitizer. Again.”

“But hello it’s a COKE REWARD. If you saw a pile of three pennies, you’d pick them up!”

“Um, no I’m not sure I would.”

“Yeah right! Besides who cares what these people think of you picking up trash- I mean Coke Rewards? I bet most of them won’t even notice!”

“Excuse me but did you miss the part where I look fabulous today? Everyone notices me because I am amazing and fabulous and completely noticeable.”

“Oh get the hell over yourself, turn around, and pick up the trash- er Coke Reward.”

“Turn around? Are you out of your mind? I have to be somewhere like right now. And how crazy will I look then turning around and walking back… TO PICK UP TRASH THAT IS NOT MINE”

2. My FREE Credit Score thanks to CreditKarma

Almost every single personal finance blogger I know has at least mentioned CreditKarma if not dedicated an entire post to extolling its virtues. And sure, it provides information that is useful to know– if you plan on using credit in the nearish future. Which I don’t. But now that I know I can get this information, FOR FREE, I must know it. And it’s a downer of hangover proportions. My credit score is embarrassing and why shouldn’t it be? Ex and I let the house go to foreclosure a few years ago and this past December he allowed our co-signed leased car to get repossessed. My credit score is wrecked for the next decade or so. And CreditKarma reminds me of that– in two minutes and FOR FREE!

3. How to hold awesome garage sales

I live in the best location for a garage sale– right on a busy avenue directly across a park (traffic+parking). Once I started reading about all the money people made from them, I knew I had to have one. And I did and it was great selling all that crap from my stupidity of a marriage. And I even made a few hundred bucks!

But then I started wavering about future garage sales. When I want to get rid of stuff, I just want to get rid of stuff. But I knew I could probably sell it and make money. So where would I store it? Eventually I’d end up getting frustrated with the garage sale stuff slowly accumulating and I’d haul it to Goodwill instead. And feel bad about it. No money in my pocket so Goodwill could have some in theirs. And then I’d go through the cycle again.

I ended up having another garage sale when Stallion moved in and that was ok. Yes we made some money but it was seriously exhausting. When my grandmother passed away, it was generally assumed I would hold another garage sale. And I wanted to, I really did, but it felt like it’d be the biggest pain in the ass. So I wavered and hemmed and hawed and eventually just gave everything away again.

The thing is I keep not documenting what I’m giving away for tax purposes because I never intend to give it away and when I do it’s pretty spur of the moment. So recently I came up with a plan that is going to become my standard plan from now on and I’m going to say bye bye to Garage Sales. My grandmother often worked with Mother Teresa’s Sister’s of Charity here in Miami where they have a Women and Children’s Shelter and where they also manage the aid efforts in Haiti. The last couple of times I’ve donated to them have felt unlike anything I’ve ever felt before in my life. If you think giving to Goodwill feels good, wait until you start giving to something that has more of a direct impact.

4. How to coupon for groceries

Let me be clear, CVSing and couponing for groceries are, in my mind, two separate things. I love CVSing and I will CVS for a very long time. But couponing it up at the grocery store? I’m getting over this one in a big way.

It’s not even that I don’t have the space to properly coupon (I kind of don’t), it’s that bulk food buying has not made my life easier.

And now, we have Aldi. Not to mention, all of this coupons + sales math has really screwed with my sense of prices instead of improved them like most people do. Also, couponing and meal planning have never clicked together for me. I know they click for lots of people, just not me. And so I end up with lots of cans of tomatoes and not enough of everything else– especially meat. And the fruit and veggies? I buy a bunch because they’re on sale and we never eat them before they go bad. And I still end up caving in and getting take-out more often than I’d like.

I strongly considered experimenting with bulk cooking but that still gave me bulk food to deal with and didn’t appeal to me either so I’m going to try meal planning and food shopping on a weekly basis instead in a way very similar to what Carla’s recent interview with Simply Being Mum described.

5. Making Money from Blogs

Double-edged sword for me on this one. I go back and forth on this constantly. I really, really do. Right now, my WordPress blog is a free blog so outside of the occasional Amazon Affiliate link, I actually can’t earn money from the blog. I’d have to self-host it and then start figuring out just how to do this. And the thing is, when I first started blogging this was such an easy decision for me because I hated ads. So no ads meant no money from the blog. Simple!!

But since 2002, blogging has evolved and there are many ways to monetize a blog and actually ads have become the way I least despise because at least it’s authentic. An ad says, “Click me to earn this person some money!” and that’s it. You click it or you don’t. Where I really get all mixed up are things like Sponsored Posts and Giveaways, Product Reviews, Paid Guest Posts, and so on and so forth.

I used to do book reviews on here for free all the time and so I don’t think my reviewing a book I was given by a publisher would be out of character for me. And if I used something that I really really loved, I’ve come on here and told you so. But I was never given that stuff for free. Don’t we tend to naturally like things a little bit more when we didn’t have to pay for them?

And this is only half of it. There’s all that stuff about SEO and rankings and these people named the Yakezie that do something that revolves around something called Alexa that turns them into big money ballers. And there’s BlogHer and Facebook and Pinterest and Twitter and it feels like bloggy prostitution or something. But at the same time, it’s a sensible idea– get paid to do something you like doing. And so I go back and forth, back and forth.

 

So there you have it! What have you learned from personal finance blogs or books that you wish you hadn’t? Or just in general, is there something you learned thinking it would be super helpful to only have it backfire on you?

Brain Dump: Bachelorettes, 4ths, Compliments, Books, and Thrones Edition

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I’ve been pretty sporadic lately hmmm? I think I was just really overwhelmed with the wedding and having the kids so many days without a break and just stuffs. But I think I’ll be back to normal soon, recharging this weekend should be nice.

Bachelorette party last Friday? Worst. Bachelorette. Ever. I was so hesitant about this one but that’s it– no more bachelorette parties that involve going out and partying. I freaking hate alcohol and I hate drunks and I hate sober people who take advantage of drunks. SO that’s it. Next time I’m invited to a bachelorette party that involves bars or clubs or whatever, it’s a no thank you. And if I’m ever asked to be maid of honor again, I’ll accept on the condition they do not expect me to host that sort of bachelorette party and that if that’s the type of bachelorette party they want, they can find another Maid of Honor or delegate the bachelorette party to a bridesmaid and not be insulted if I don’t go. Just, no.

Wedding? Exhausting but nice. I got a lot of compliments on my toast which honestly took me by surprise. I didn’t cry and that was the important part to me but apparently I did jerk some tears out of other people including the bride so WIN! It was absolutely gorgeous by the lighthouse on the beach and dealing with the swarm of mosquitoes was tolerable once the park rangers covered us in Off. The reception was a very silly good time.I’d show you pictures but all of mine sucked and I left the camera in the car during the ceremony.

I had a really nice 4th of July. Stallion and I were childless as Teenager went to the Keys with her grandparents. We went to the iconic Biltmore Hotel who brought back their fireworks after five years of not having them thanks to all kinds of financial crap and fighting between the City and the previous owners. We had a picnic and some friends joined us. I got us amazing seats right in front of the launch area. We even got rained on with ashes and firework debris.My 4th of July manicure is seriously cute and I’ve been getting compliments on it all day.

Know what else I’ve been getting compliments on? This gorgeous necklace Sandy from First Gen American sent me a while back as a little De-Frumpiness gift. It’s a crazy gorgeous loop of metal you can twist and coil and wear however you want. I will take pictures and share soon, promise. I tried taking some today but I’m just not looking my best.

Which reminds me of the De-Frumpiness Project. Wow I left everyone hanging! SKIN CARE! That’s July. For me it means getting into a morning and even routine as far as my skin is concerned. I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older that although my complexion is pretty nice I get weird dry skin issues like my elbows and hands. And I’d love to keep my skin looking all pretty. My daughter the other day was asking me what all the beauty products in a beauty box were and one of them was an anti-wrinkle thing and Daughter says to me, “But Mommy you don’t have wrinkles” and I said, “Oh my god come here I love you so much!”

Question: I was asked to do a book review for a publisher and I took them up on it because I love to read. What do you guys like to see in a book review? What makes you decide to read or not read a book in general? I was actually thinking of playing with book reviews in general so that I can have a healthy mix of reviews that are books I read on my own and books I was given to review because I’d like to remain impartial and consistent but I’m not sure how you all feel about reviews in general. So let me know.

The crochet project I was making for the wedding totally did not work out and I ran out of time to do the backup plan and I just got really frustrated so I put down crochet and have been reading. Right now I’m reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I’m having a blast with it because it’s just too OUT there to not enjoy. I like weird stuff. After that, I’ve got The Marriage Plot ready too which is actually a perfect line-up now that i think about it. I had actually started the Marriage Plot but then realized Pride and Prejudice and Zombies wouldn’t renew at the Library because another patron requested it.

I started watching Game of Thrones. I’m such a wuss, I run away during the violent scenes. I’m gonna read the books too but Stallion is having a blast watching it with me and it’s kind of nice to cuddle on the couch (and then jump up and run away with my fingers in my ears) and get all sucked into a crazy good story. I was thinking of crocheting while watching it but I just can’t. When it’s not violent, it’s so good I can’t tear my eyes away from it for a second. And all that jumping and running away would make it hard to stay on track with my place in the crochet pattern.

I’m off now so ta-ta darlings! Have a nice restful weekend and I’ll see you on the flipside!