Upheld: A Mutant Editorial

NICU

NICU by komurphy2 on Flickr

Yesterday, my boss and I were looking through his inbox searching for new contacts to email about our medical conference. We hear a, “Woooo!” from one of the other doctor’s offices. A few seconds later she runs in, “I haven’t actually read the story but the headline says “Upheld’ and it looks like they upheld ALL of it! I’m going to read it right now, I’ll be right back.” My boss says, “Thank god” and we get back to the inbox. A couple of minutes later she comes back into our office and right behind her, another doctor rushes in smiling, “Did you hear?!” The office erupted in very excited chatter as they discussed the ruling and Judge Roberts and how wonderful this is and so on and so forth.

While I did make a few comments, I mostly just sat back and watched these doctors and the others that kept coming. One of them was dancing. A couple of them hugged. And I got that really warm feeling you get when you know that something is good and right.

These doctors aren’t the new kids on the block. My boss founded the neonatal intensive care unit in our hospital. He is a well-respected speaker internationally and our unit was ranked one of the top in the nation despite its dismal nurse to patient ratio. Most of these doctors have been neonatologists since before I was born. They’ve worked for this public hospital in this very large and diverse city and they have seen it all.

They are the experts in healthcare– not Mitt Romney, not Barack Obama, not the Supreme Court, not the Congress, not you, not me. It is these men and women who have worked with the most desperate of cases, with the most scorned of people, for decades. They have seen insurance companies and hospitals change. They’ve seen economic booms and busts and in-betweens.

They weren’t pleased this was upheld, they were ecstatic and I think that is very important testimony to the importance of the Affordable Healthcare Act (Obamacare is a derogatory term) for our country.

This country has developed an extreme anti-government sentiment that saddens me. I was raised on the fundamental belief that our government is for the people, by the people. If government is evil, it is because the people are evil. I am chilled by the notion that the more ideal solution is the private market which is for the shareholders, by the shareholders.

We ask our government to improve our livelihoods by asking them to protect our borders, to educate our children, to clean our water, to regulate our food, to forbid certain actions and substances, to fund our research, to deliver our mail,to build and maintain our roads, to monitor our entertainment, to put out our fires, to levy justice, to enforce our laws, and to help care for our poor, our elderly, and our disabled.

That is what government is supposed to do because it is for the people. By raising the standards of government, we are raising the standards for ourselves. We should demand that our government improve performance instead of insist it perform less. It is what we demand of ourselves and each other.

I’ve been in a few hospitals in my life whether to receive care in one, visit a patient in one, or to work in one.

Insurance, or lack of, creates a type of segregation. The private hospitals are a very different experience from the public one. With most uninsured patients flocking to the public hospital, money doesn’t flow as abundantly as it does in the private ones. With the reforms in the Affordable Health Care Act , you should start to see a more level playing field. People like to think they deserve or are entitled to something better because of their position in life they believe they have attained by the American virtue of hard work. They ignore the fact that their position in life has more to do with their skin color, their parents, their education, their geographical location, their parents’ education, and damn good luck, than buckets of hard work. I’m not saying you haven’t worked hard, I’m saying you’re not successful simply because you worked hard.

I don’t believe the private hospitals will turn into the public hospitals. But I do think their profits will slim a bit while the public hospitals improve a bit.

What drives me crazy is the notion among the insured that they are receiving better care in a private hospital. In the case of many public hospitals like the one I work in, it’s the opposite. In this city, when you are really sick and your case is somewhat complicated, every private hospital sends you to the public one.

Why?

Because we have the doctors with the most experience by sheer volume of patients. Additionally, ours is a teaching hospital as most public hospitals are and our doctors have the latest and greatest research at their fingertips– more often than not, they are the latest and greatest research.

The doctors here have a completely different mindset. They are going to save your life, that is their number one thought. And they are going to take more risks because they aren’t saddled with concerns of bottom lines and lawsuits and profit margins. Because these doctors are not for the shareholders, by the shareholders they are for the people, by the people.

To say I am passionate about allowing access to affordable healthcare for all is an understatement. I  believe it is a fundamental right equal to public education and other public services. While there is an individual mandate, you are still allowed to choose whether you remain uninsured or not and we will have to continue to pay for your uninsured medical costs but at least we’ll have access to some of your money to cover it. To me, that’s fair, right, and sensible.

I hope you all have an amazing weekend. I have a Bachelorette Party tonight, my kids return tomorrow afternoon, and the wedding is on Sunday. I’m a wee bit nervous about the Bachelorette Party because I dislike being around drunks (especially strangers) and we’re going to the Las Olas Riverwalk– a bar strip in Ft. Lauderdale. The last time I went there I left irritated and had to refrain from shoving a man who was irritating the crap out of my friend and I.

It’s weird, I used to like hanging around drunk people but after the divorce and the role alcohol played in it, it lost its appeal and I have gotten close to losing my cool on more than one occasion– while sober. But I’m putting on a big smile, we’ve planned a few things for fun and I’m going to stay positive. I’m really excited about the wedding.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

P.S. I’m disabling comments. I don’t want to open the gates to Trollandia.

Vacation from Family

Last Thursday night, I took my three little ones and their three little suitcases to their grandparents’ house. What was once a somewhat hostile and extremely uncomfortable environment was quite friendly and overall upbeat. Yes, I felt a little awkward– is this ok to be nice to each other now? But overall, it was fine. I left after a while and made it to my friend’s house in time to watch the last quarter of the NBA Championships and the Miami Heat take it. I got to honk my horn all the way home.

And the next day, my kids boarded a plane with their grandparents. they spent the weekend with family in New York running all over the city. And on Monday they boarded a plane again to Chicago where they are spending time with family friends. My kids are having a complete blast. They have called me every single day and are so often so excited, they can hardly focus to have a decent conversation with me. But I don’t care, I’m thrilled for them. Every picture their grandmother has sent me has shown me faces BEAMING with radiant smiles. It’s a good feeling.

And me?

Well, hello childless life I forgot what the heck you were like!

And apparently you were insanely luxurious. I have gone to bed after 1 every night for the past few nights and haven’t even felt it. I mean, a little bit yeah– especially in the afternoon. But overall? I’m fine.

I’m different.

For some reason, we humans like to think we don’t change. We like to think that we are steady and reliable and for some reason not changing has become the basis of that sort of character. Except, I’m not sure it’s right. We do change, we’re living things. We physically change every second why shouldn’t we change in everything else? What does steadiness and reliability have to do with sameness?

On June 7 I started this really gorgeous wrap I had seen in the Vogue Crochet 2012 issue. Initially I had planned on making myself a really simple and really cute shrug that I’ve made before to wear to the wedding I’m the Maid of Honor for this Sunday. The bride wanted me to look different and I wanted it to be special. But then I ended up falling head over heels with a laceweight yarn. And even though I could’ve easily made the shrug I am familiar with by working two strands of the lace together, I wanted to try something different. So the wrap. I worked on it for 20 days.

Yesterday I put it on my mom. I’d seen pictures of it on myself and wasn’t thrilled. I wasn’t finished with all of the details but the basic structure was in place and it looked… not at all like what I wanted. It was skinny and gappy and ragged. I was so flustered. So I decided to take it apart and because it’s made with two pieces, I’d work with a strand from each piece and make the shrug I knew with two strands as I ripped the wrap apart.

I don’t think I would’ve done this if the kids were with me. Most likely I would’ve abandoned the project and the idea of looking different from the bridesmaids. Or I would’ve gotten with something much more subtle– maybe just make the flower in the pattern and pin it in my hair. But because I have so much more time and because I have such fewer demands being made on me (in a way), I felt comfortable with the decision I made.

On Monday, the bridesmaids and I began planning the bachelorette party. I decided I wanted to make the bride a pageant style Bride sash to wear to the bachelorette party and thought maybe I could make one for the bridesmaids and myself as well. I went shopping for supplies and ended up deciding I’d make one for everyone attending the party– with the foam tiaras Teenager found we’ll look like a mob of beauty queens on the loose.

I’m pretty sure if the kids were here, I’d only have made the Bride one. Ok fine I probably would’ve bought it at Party City.

The other day? I taught Teenager how to crochet! I went to a Marlins game! I ran errands with the bride and her mother!

I am managing my To-Do lists every day and getting things done. Even…. making a dentist appointment!

Yup, August 14 (during my vacation) at 9 AM. So now I have a month and a half to stress about prepare for it.

And you know what else? I haven’t even really been doing much housework. I cleaned out Daughter’s bin of toys in the playroom a little bit but that’s it. I’ve hardly done laundry. I’ve hardly swept. I’ve hardly picked up a damn thing. I’ve hardly cared.

I miss my little ones. I got a little teary eyed last night because they were so distracted by the dog and the cat at the house they’re staying at, they were hardly talking to me and the stupid voice started whispering, “They don’t even miss your ass.”

But this week, I think, has been so good for them and for me. My parents are actually going to take them at the end of July for a week as well. Crazy right?

It is just such a different experience. There aren’t so many people requiring your attention, changing your focus, and running you around. I know that most people have  a vague idea of how having kids is life-altering, but I don’t think we understand to what extent until we have our own. And I do think the more kids we have, the more we add to the distractions of our minds and the extractions of our energy. And again, you don’t really get it until you deal with it and even then you get used to it until you don’t have to deal with it.

No wonder empty nest can be such a shock to the system.

Anyways, I’m hoping all of you are having a lovely week. I had pictures but I’m too lazy to post them. :)

Beauty Boxes Woo Hoo

Last week, I got two delicious deliveries– one I expected, the other a surprise.

I got my introductory penny box from Julep Maven for one. I’ve already started using the pedicure cream but haven’t had a chance to do my nails in the new gorgeous colors.

The colors are so pretty and perfect for summer time sandal wear. I can’t wait to try them out, I have a feeling they’d go stunning layered together. And hello, I paid ONE CENT!

And then, there was a really cool, big, awesome surprise from The Spanish Professor. She’d left me a comment that she wanted to treat me to a box and I told her she twisted my arm with the Hispanic guilt thing. So I took her up on her offer not sure what I’d be getting or when. Well, I got a very hot pink box delivered to my doorstep the other day and it was packed with goodies.

This my friends is the New Beauty Test Tube. What a neat concept! This beauty box is actually a beauty tube filled with products for you to try and it is delivered quarterly instead of monthly. Each box includes the new edition of New Beauty magazine which is thick and humongous, as well as a smaller magazine telling you about all of the products you received.

The box included:

Mally Evercolor Eyeshadow Stick

Neostrata Exfoliating Wash

Moroccan Oil Frizz Control

Olay Regenerist Sample

Ybf Eyeliner

Memoire Liquide Creme

Memoire Perfume Sample

Skinceuticals CF Feuric and Physical Fusion Defense Samples

Perlier and Elariia Body Creme

Dr. Brandy Bb Cream with Flexitone Sample

$85 in coupons for Spalook.com

What an impressive box. A lot of it was full-sized samples and pretty high-end brands as well. If you’re thinking about it for yourself, it’s about $30 but it’s only delivered about 4 times a year. I really liked all of the variety in it and I was very impressed with the number of full-size products in it.

It felt like a majorly girly Christmas in June for me and I am so grateful to you Spanish Prof for the present. You have no idea what a bad day I was having and to walk in and see this hot pink box of FUN on my table was an easy smile getter so thank you.

I had a really nice weekend. I heard from my kids a lot and they are having an amazing time in New York with their grandparents. Today, they leave to Chicago. I have been crocheting like a beast trying to get this wrap done for the wedding I’m in on Sunday. And I got to hit up a Marlins game on Sunday courtesy of my uncle. I put up lots of silly photos on Instagram. If you’re on there, follow me and let me know you found me!

Stuff like this shows up on there… Happy Monday!

 

REALLY good Julep deal & Shopping Spree Total

For everyone curious to know how much I spent at my 12 item Express shopping spree…

$244.80

That means on average, I spent $20.40 per item. I don’t think that’s pretty shabby considering the kinds of clothes I got. And now I’ll just wear them until death does us part.

Speaking of deals, I’ve got a good one for you. Julep is offering the introductory box for their Maven Subscription program for one penny and that comes with free shipping. This month’s intro box comes with two polishes and a pedicure cream.

How do you get it? Easy peasy.

Step One: GO HERE

Step Two: Take the fun and frivolous Style Quiz, enter you email to find out your Style Personality, and see the box they’d send you. You can also go ahead and check out the boxes of the other styles and if you like one of those better, you can grab that one instead. In my case, it pegged me as an American Beauty but I was all about the Bombshell. So I added Bombshell to my cart and removed American Beauty.

Step Three: Sign up and check out.

When you’re done, you are now a part of the Julep Maven Subscription Program. And honestly? It’s a pretty good one. The way it works is like this.

On the 20th of every month they send you an email showing you your next box. By default they show you the style of the intro box you ended up with. If you love it, you do nothing. They charge your credit card on file $19.99 and send you your box.

If you don’t LOVE it,  you can log in and see the other styles. They even link you to a post on their blog that shows the colors for each box on nails. Next month includes a lip gloss and they took pictures of a girl wearing each color too. I really appreciate this because I feel like it’s full-disclosure and they’re not trying to pull a fast one.

So once you’ve checked out the other styles you can:

1. Choose a different style to send your way. This style will be your default next month.

2. Choose any of the styles and send it to a friend or family member as a gift. I love this for birthdays or other special occasions.

3. Skip the month. That’s right, you don’t have to buy the box every month. You don’t like it, you don’t have a friend who deserves it, or you’re just plain broke that month, you skip.

Of course you can always cancel the subscription and stay happy with your one cent intro box but if you like treating yourself now and then, I think it’s worth keeping it. Occasionally, they throw in a free polish. They also offer subscribers a chance to get mystery boxes– $60 or more worth of products for $19.99. I mentioned I had purchased one of these boxes and I received it the other day.

My Pretty Julep June Mystery Box Packaging

My Julep June Mystery Box Contents

My Mystery Box came with:

Julep Elixir Organic Oil, $24

Facial for Hands Glycolic Hand Scrub, $32

Glow on Age Defying Hand Brightener, $32

Megan, $14

Brooke, $14

And a free Julep.com nail file. Retail value of my $19.99 box? $116.

Not too bad huh?

Honestly, at first I was sort of blank about it. I really didn’t know what to make of the box because three of the six items were totally alien to me. But now that I’ve had it a few days and have been using the products, I’m really happy with it. One of the things I’ve been discovering through my De-Frumpiness Project is how luxurious some really small little things can feel.

Do I feel completely fancy washing my hands with a glycolic hand scrub and then rubbing in an age defying hand brightener? Why yes, yes I do. And by the way, the hand brightener feels and smells so nice. Is there something slightly decadent about dropping oil into my hands from a glass bottle with a glass dropper? Um, yeah. Definitely. For me at least.

You have to understand, I’m the girl that recently rediscovered how yummy it is to apply good facial moisturizer ok?

I don’t have a complicated beauty regimen. I’m not even really sure that I have an actual regimen. But yes I am definitely enjoying the couple of minutes every day where I indulge in myself. My nails are chipped? Time to change the manicure! It’s summer, so I absolutely can’t leave without my facial moisturizer with SPF. Floss! Scrub my hands. Nourish my cuticles! Go into fitting rooms!

Slowing down. I’m actually slowing down. These little things are little pauses. Little only for me and only about me pauses. And they’re nice.

 

 

Back to business

Well that was rude of me wasn’t it? Write a depressed and morbid post and then sort of vanish.

But of course that’s not what actually happened. Life doesn’t usually allow for vanishing and when it does, it’s like a scary bad thing.

I’ve just been rolling through. I’m a little better and a little the same.

Stallion picked up his daughter on Friday. And as much as I’d love to name her Colt on here I think I’ll just stick to the general theme and call her Teenager. The kids were at their dad’s house this weekend. And now I’m past the flurry of the kids’ birthdays and the end of school and the start of summer camp so things should start to smooth out a bit.

Not only that but recently the kids’ grandparents on their dad side have reached out to me a bit more than before which is to say never. I could sit and theorize on why but I won’t. I’ll just accept it’s one of those things that comes with time. Time heals ALL wounds. Anyhow, their grandma and I just talked. She and her husband are taking the kids at the end of this week to New York and Chicago to visit family and friends. They’ll be gone a week.

For the record, I’m all for that. I know that their grandparents love them very much. I know that when they are with them, they get lots of attention and affection and are cared for lovingly. I even hear from the kids more often when they are with their grandparents than when they are with their dad. They actually prefer staying with the grandparents than with their dad because they have more to do and they get way more attention apparently. And I’m all about them developing relationships with the family that extends beyond what is here.

As much as I slightly cringe at the thought of them being away for a week, I do think it’s a worthwhile experience. They had an amazing time when we went to Virgina with family in the winter and this is very similar. Plus they get the added excitement of flying on airplanes since the grandmother works for an airline. And honestly the timing is helpful. My cousin’s wedding is the first of July, I’m the Maid of Honor, and there is a lot to get done. Overwhelming really. So it’ll be good to have the down time and work on things and rest. I woke up today feeling highly congested and that chilly little feeling that I get right when I start fighting a cold. That tingle in the throat and that weird, loopy head feeling. So yeah, the timing works.

I’ve been doing pretty well with the De-Frumpiness challenge this month. I’ve added flossing to my routine and I’ve added at least one extra brushing session a day. Mostly. I haven’t worked up the guts for the appointment yet but I will. I know I will. Maybe not this month though.

I did something technically stupid yesterday but I don’t feel very bad about it.

I used my Express credit card and went on a mini work clothes shopping spree for me and a mini Father’s Day shopping spree for Stallion. I went in because they were advertising their big sale and I wanted to find a couple shirts for Stallion. I had stopped going to Express because frankly their clothes felt way too young for me and I felt their style was changing and targeting the younger crazier stuff and the materials were cheaper. This time, that was simply not the case. Express makes these pants that fit me insanely well. I mean they hug all of my curves in the perfect way, they drape nicely, and I love the material because it’s not cheap feeling. These things stand up to major wear. And they were on sale and they had a great selection. Not to mention they had a lot of work appropriate tops on sale too and a lot of the ones I tried on fit so nicely.

Needless to say, the pressure for work clothes is off. And I feel so relieved. Yesterday, I did a quick rummage through the closet and drawers to get rid of some clothes (out with the old, in with the new!) and I felt some major mixed feelings– happiness that at least I was able to get new stuff and shame that things were in such bad shape. I had things that were completely faded, I had clothes that had seams coming apart, I found a couple tiny holes, pilling, etc. My wardrobe is still in pretty bad shape but at least now it’s mostly the casual clothes that needs help. Jeans are suddenly an issue for instance– not one of my five pairs fits correctly. Every pair of shorts I owned doesn’t fit me anymore either and I have major problems finding t-shirts that fit in a nice way. They’re either too tight, too short, or too big and billowy. But I don’t feel as much pressure to get the casual clothes right than the work clothes. And I feel pretty confident that I’ll have much better luck with the casual clothes in places like Goodwill and Ross.

Honestly I feel more pressure to get a handle on my work shoes but even that’s not too bad.

But I do have a bit of a spending hangover. I think in the end I’ll be fine. Some child support payments have come through that I wasn’t expecting and I had saved more money than I thought I would need for summer camp. So I can swing some of that money at the Express card and I actually think I’ll be able to pay off the whole thing in one swoop while still have money in savings. Camp is paid for and actually the trip to Orlando for my kids’ birthdays? Well that’s almost saved up for completely as well, can you believe it?

For fun do you want to play a guessing game? I can tell you everything I bought and you can tell me how much you think I spent. I’m just curious what the thoughts are on good values for clothes. Ready?

At Express, I bought:

3 Mens Polo Shirts

1 Mens Tee

1 Mens Swim Trunks

4 Womens blouses

2 Womens trousers

1 Womens layering tank

12 items total

TOTAL $: ????????

Did I tell you we are officially TV-less? Last week we got some message from Comcast informing us we could no longer get even the local channels without a box. I called and they said I’d have to pay about $60 a month just to get the first 28 channels and internet. So I said no thank you, asked for a deal on just internet, and kept that going. It’s so weird not having TV. But it works out well. Stallion and Teenager are major TV people and now they’re forced to do other stuff which is nice. I haven’t suggested they play one of the board games yet but I’m sure that’ll come up soon. I have a cabinet full of them and they don’t get much use yet.

Anyhow, that’s all I’ve got. I’m still in a strange mood– not really wanting to do anything but lay around in bed and eat junk food. See you soon.

Note From Home

I’m doing something I just don’t do much– blogging from home. It’s just shy of 10:30 on a Tuesday night. Tuesdays are just haggard days for me. And with school being out and summer camp being in, any semblance I had of a routine is just wrecked. And I’m sitting here wasted (not in an alcoholic sense). I’m looking around and I’m seeing the symptoms of life getting messy again– the piles are coming back.

Over there, on the love seat, two laundry baskets piled on top of each other and next to them a pile of my socks. On the sofa next to it there are about five or six piles of washed and folded laundry. On my desk there are no less than five piles that are slowly but surely creeping towards each other in anticipation of a sexy pile orgy. The dinner table has many tiny little piles cropping up– piles of napkins and papers and place mats and things. I can peer into the kitchen from here and see the piles in the sink and on the counters.

When I have a system in place, everything works. Things get done. Things aren’t forgotten, or lost. Can you believe I lost a $50 check? I got it in the mail for taking a phone survey and I am 99% sure I mistakenly grabbed it with the pile of mail to throw away. I don’t have the info for the company that did it so I can request they stop payment on it and issue another. Fifty bucks. Poof.

And yes, I’m frustrated with myself because this is a constant cycle I can’t seem to break. I get a groove and then I lose it within a matter of days and getting back into it is so difficult for me.

Why?

No, I’m asking you. Why?

I had a stupid mini pity party for myself after dinner. When I’m exhausted, I’m more vulnerable to them and the yucky voice of negativity. And I’m too tired to stop it so it just steamrolls right over my feeble protests.

No one appreciates you. You give and you give and you’re going to give until there’s nothing left and that’s the way it is because that’s how people are. And you’re stupid enough to keep giving in, to keep getting involved with people and their problems even though you know you’re going to give more than you can and there’s going to be zero reciprocation.

Stuff like that. Plain lies. And the tears. The fat, slow, silly tears and the crying that fills my nose with snot and makes everything taste like cardboard. Until the crying stops. I’m not a slow stopper. I sort of just do. I can’t force it to happen but when I’m ready to really stop, I just have to take a deep breath and usually that does it. Taking deep breaths when I’m not really ready to stop just makes me pause and then usually brings on bigger and louder and wetter cries than the ones before.

And now I’m here, typing out the pity party so at least it’s not in my brain bouncing around anymore. It’s here on the operating table under the white lights so I can poke around in it and see what I find. Mostly garbage but maybe there’s something useful in it all. You never know.

It’s not the piles that bother me. I feel like I need to clarify that. It’s not what they are that bothers me. It’s that they exist that bother me because it’s what they represent that eats at me. The piles are present when there are problems. When gremlins appear in the machine. Big or small, it doesn’t matter.

I know they’re there because I lost my groove. I know they’re there because routines are disturbed. I know they’re there because there are disturbances in the force. And that’s what bothers me.

I’m tired of disturbances in the force.

I’m tired of choppy seas. Even a light chop is just too much for my weather-beaten boat. It’s not that I’m in a sinking ship. I’m more in a really unsteady one with a few holes in it. And yes I can keep the holes under control and I can even get the ship in line and get some smooth sailing out of her for a bit. But inevitably something happens. A new tiny hole pops open, or an old one starts leaking again. A storm brews and tosses me around, pounding me with waves and winds. And during those things, the sailing is choppy and unsteady. Sometimes, I’m even pushed off-course. And then it’s double the work, double the time to get it fixed and steady again.

So I guess that’s what I’m dealing with right now. I don’t see any kind of storm brewing, but there are small leaks in the ship and I’ve got to get them under control. I’m just too exhausted to do it right now.

Beauty on a Budget

As much as I have tried to keep my De-Frumpiness Project from deeply impacting my wallet, not spending in this department has been impossible. And you know what? That’s the frickin point.

There are so many ways we put ourselves on the back-burner and spending on other things is definitely the easiest for many of us. In my case, I will justify the purchase of clothing and shoes for my kids when theirs shows wear or is ill-fitting or I just find a really good deal. Not so much for me.

I have found great deals on all sorts of things this year, and even with the De-Frumpiness Project, I have more often than not left the item on the shelf or rack muttering something about not having money right now and then spending the money I don’t have on something else for someone else.

The past couple of months I’ve been forcing that to change. It doesn’t always feel as great as it sounds like it would. Yes, you would think I’d be all excited by the idea of giving myself permission to spend on myself but I just don’t. I stress and moan, “But what about the children?”

Lately I’ve been a bit tough on that whiny part of me and have rebuked her with a sharp, “The children have more than plenty and they don’t even take care of it properly!” Which is kind of true. Ok fine, it’s a lot true. My kids are really lucky because they are part of a very big family that lives in the same city as they do. The very big family is of Cuban heritage mostly and is therefore quite fond of gifts for children. We’re the type of culture that firmly believes if you can’t afford gifts for everyone, at least make sure you get the children gifts. Always, the children.

So my children are inundated. They get clothes and toys and toys and more toys and clothes. Do they get all the clothes they need? No. They don’t get shoes for instance or underwear or socks. But they get a lot of the other stuff– shirts and shorts and skirts and dresses and on and on.

The point is, the kids get a lot more gifts than I do. And that is awesome. That is totally fine. That is the way it should be. BUT that is also the fact I have to remind myself of when I’m talking myself out of buying something for myself that is 1) a great deal, 2) that I can afford at that moment in time and 3) that fills a gap in my diminishing wardrobe. Well, mentally it’s diminishing. I’m having a hard time physically purging my closet this year but that’s another roller coaster post waiting to happen.

Anyhow, here are a few things I have been spending on lately and how I’ve been doing just that.

Clothes: I keep trying Goodwill and keep getting mixed results. Ok, honestly? I don’t find much for me. First of all, the Goodwill by my house is huge in an overwhelming way. It attempts to be organized, but let’s face it, it’s Goodwill. It’s not organized. I just don’t have much shopping time and the past couple of months, I’ve had even less as the kids have been spending more and more Wednesdays and weekends with me instead of their dad (also another post). When I’ve gone and browsed, I’ve found a lot of things that look good until I pull them out and take a look at them. They are the wrong size, stained, faded, or just not what I thought they were when I saw them on the hanger. Repeatedly having this happen to me is insanely discouraging. And when I have found something that is the right size, is not faded, is a good brand, it’s about a couple dollars less than I’d pay for it at a store like Ross.

That doesn’t mean I’ve been striking out in the clothes department completely. I’ve actually scored some major hits– at Ross and Marshalls. Surprisingly, moreso at Ross than Marshalls but I had a great haul last weekend so I can’t complain about Marshalls too much. Although I will complain a little bit. When did Marshalls get so expensive? I was strolling through their shoe section and OUCH. I couldn’t find a nice pair of shoes for under $40.

While Marshalls kills Ross in selection, organization, and brands it’s just not that great in the dollar aspect and that is way more important to me right now than anything else. Why? As much as I am mentally in a hurry to get my wardrobe revamped already, I’m not monetarily in a hurry to do so. I’m not even monetarily able actually. So I have time. I have time to go to the Ross by my house (closer than the nearest Marshalls too and with less nerve-wracking parking than the cramped garage the Marshalls is housed in). I have time to wander the clearance racks. I have time to wander the other racks. I have time to try things on. I have time to not take anything because none of it fits me right. And although that IS slightly depressing I am really tired of not looking quite right in my clothes.

This has actually been my savior. My shape has changed a lot in the past year and a half. While this has wreaked havoc on my wardrobe and my options at home, it has really slowed down my shopping. Before, I used to have the type of shape that was pretty standard for a size Small. Ok so not everything fit perfectly but more often than not things fit the way I expected them to.

Not so anymore. And so this means I force myself into the dressing room every single time no matter what the item is. I never used to use fitting rooms, that’s how standard I was. Fitting rooms slow me down. And fitting rooms make me really question and inspect my prospective purchases. So while my wardrobe overhaul is not going as smoothly or as quickly as I’d want it to, I’m more pleased with where it’s going.

Beauty Products: It is all about the drug store sales. Well, it’s mostly about the drug store sales. It’s almost entirely about the drug store sales. If you haven’t figured this out yet, and you really do enjoy the occasional new lipstick, nail polish, eye shadow, whatever, it’s high time you got on this.

For me, CVS is king. Their coupon policy is easy-peasy. Their ExtraCare Bucks are generous. Their Beauty Club makes it even more generous. The fact they’re all over the place makes them easy to access and you can even shop multiple ones in the same day. I learned all about CVS at Southern Savers. Yes, coupons make CVSing even more rewarding but you can get by without them. You’re just not going to save as much money.

This week alone you can score free facial care products, free deodorant, and free floss (perfect for June’s De-Frumpiness project). You can also get a pretty good deal on razors, face wash, and makeup.

The thing with CVS is patience. Stick to the sales and you’ll be a-ok. Also, don’t be afraid to use their return policy. I had a makeup shopping spree a couple of months ago during a particularly good sale week and bought a powder that was supposed to shimmer. I got home and realized what I got was not what was listed on the rack it was in. The packaging on the products was identical despite the fact they had four different finishes. More than a month later, I finally got the chance to go back to CVS with the product and receipt and was able to exchange it for the right one– even with the first product already being open and used. In other words, be unafraid to purchase makeup you can’t try. If, when you get home, the shade makes you look freshly dead, exchange it for a different shade. Easy!

Walgreens is also quite popular with the savings crowd. I can’t suggest them as strongly as I can CVS because they have so many stupid rules and restrictions with their Register Rewards and coupons it’s a true labor to get things done. My suggestion? Don’t put Walgreens on the list of places you regularly shop at but DO make sure you check out their ad if you find you have to go there for whatever reason (prescription, ATM, medicine, etc.). I had to go to my Walgreens last night for their ATM (ING Direct-friendly!), checked their ad real quick and found they have a deal on Goody hair accessories this week– $2 in Register Rewards when you buy certain $2 hair accessories. That means free hair accessories– IF I have to buy something from Walgreens by June 21st. Turns out I do need some saline drops that never go on sale.So I’m wearing my cute little headband today and in the next few days I’ll go by and pick up the saline drops. Free hair stuff!

Of course, it’s also about keeping an eye out. I ventured into Sally Beauty Supply the other day in search of nail tip guides to find they are having a pretty big sale this month which includes a lot of Buy 1 Get 1 Free deals– even on nail art items (currently a thing). I’d honestly never been much of a Sally girl but rest assured I’ll be checking in on their ads more often now. They have lots of specialty items there you just can’t get at CVS and they’re not afraid to mark them down.

Lastly, there’s the internet. Today I purchased the June Mystery Box from Julep. Julep is a nail care company and every now and then they offer mystery boxes for $60. Each mystery box includes anywhere from $60 to $200 worth of merchandise. This month, you can get a limited edition mystery nail color OR the entire collection of Julep nail polish. Um yeah that’s pretty amazing right? But $60? Ouch. Well, use the code JUNEMYSTERY and your box is $19.99 with free shipping. I indulged. It’s $19.99. I wouldn’t hesitate to spend $19.99 on my kids. Each of Julep’s nail polishes go for $14 each and the mystery boxes include at least three of them from what I’ve seen in previous month’s reveals. Julep is a beauty company to watch. They have a nail polish subscription as well and they occasionally offer the chance to try a box for a penny. I’ve always talked myself out of trying it but next time I won’t, especially if the Mystery Box doesn’t disappoint.

Beauty boxes are very popular right now. I keep seeing mentions of them all over the place. Julep’s the only one though that seems to be willing to offer great deals. I’ve heard great deals on Glossybox but a $21 monthly subscription is out of the question. I might buy myself one month’s box for my birthday in August to try it out and then, if it’s as good as I’ve been seeing I’ll probably use Tinsel’s guts towards the purchase of another one in December or January. The value of the box’s contents tend to be much higher than the $21 so it’s worth it if the money is set aside for it. Definitely a great Treat Yo Self type of purchase, eh Nikki?

So there you have it. Some of the ways I’ve been spending on myself this year. I wish I could say spending and not stressing but it’s just not true. I still have issues spending on myself and I wonder if in a way I always will. I didn’t have this problem when I was single (no kids, no nobody) but as soon as the loves of my life started making appearances, this went out the window and what was once a fun thing to do turned into a guilt-ridden experience.

What about you? Do you like spending on yourself? What about on things that are outside the Needs Zone but not in the Communal Wants Zone? Things only you want that no one else would really enjoy?

De-Frumpiness Project: Update, Thoughts, and June

May is done! How?

It was a water, water everywhere month for me and even the weather decided to join in towards the end of the month! I’m really glad I did it though. I did find it hard to drink water. Actually, I found it hard to just drink. I get so caught up with what’s in front of me I don’t think much of stopping to get a drink– of anything! I just want to move on to the next thing. And stopping for a drink of something, or to refill on a drink of something, or to pee out the drink of something gets in the way of that. But I’m much more open to the fact that it’s a really good reason to pause and that pausing in itself is not such a bad idea.

Overall, I have to say I am really glad I am doing this project. It has done a lot to remind me that I exist too. It’s reminded me that feeling good and looking good go a long way to keep my spirits up. And it’s shown me that it does not take a lot to do those things.

It’s the little things that are the first to go and that’s sensible. But some little things have farther-reaching significance than we may think. Cared for nails for instance. A bottle of water. Parting your hair to the side instead of to the left.

The old me would have taken this project on with total abandon and piled on the debt. Don’t think I haven’t thought of it. I have Bloomingdales, Macy’s, Express, and Target credit cards with zero balances and pretty decent credit limits. Definitely enough to fund a relatively inexpensive make over that’s for sure. But I would’ve done the whole thing in a month and not learned a damn thing. And I’d be stuck with the bills for ages.

Instead I’m moving along slowly and thoughtfully. Yes it’s frustrating some times. My wardrobe is the main source of that frustration for me. So much of my clothes is misshapen and faded from lots and lots of use since I haven’t had much money to spend on replacements. But I do what I can to keep things fun and cute. And I check out the Goodwill every now and then. Also the local Ross and Marshall’s albeit much less frequently than the former.

Anyhow, for June it’s about the smile. I have big insecurities with the smile. Mostly because I’m scared to death of dentists. So scared that I avoid them. So this month I’m working on brushing and flossing way more than I have been doing. I might even start brushing and flossing at work. And I’m slowly working up the guts to make an appointment with the dentist. Yup. That’s a big one for me.

So there you go. Let’s get the summer smiles sparkly. Another little thing that goes so very far. Funny how those work out.

What about you? Have you done any of the projects? Have you found them worthwhile or not so much?