Monthly Archives: November 2011

Post-Thanksgiving Pre-Christmas Nesting

Posted on by

Home is where the Heart is
“Home is where the heart is” by Linda Yvonne on Flickr

It’s a weird time of year for me. Exhausting and exciting. Tiring and titillating. Wearisome and whimsical.

Lately, the condition of my home has really been rubbing me wrong. Every room in the house has a mess in it of varying size and degree. Some parts of the house don’t smell great. Walking through the house is somewhat of an adventure as you’re likely to either run into or step on something if not do both.

Cleaning out for the garage sale was a big help but it wasn’t the complete answer. So I’ve kept at it.

Sometimes, it’s been a very frustrating thing for me. When you have children especially, housekeeping is truly a Sisyphean task. And there have been moments where this sort of realization has smashed into me and left me frustrated and even depressed.

It’s something like I’m moving the fifth load of laundry into the dryer and am suddenly horribly coldly aware I’ve done this four times in one weekend already and I will likely do it again in another day or two. Horrible. Why. Am. I. Doing. This.

And yet there are moments of redemption too. Brief ones. But you have to clutch to those because the other ones will drive you mad.

Moments like this past weekend where I was busting my ass to get my kitchen beautiful again. I mean, I went to bed at 3 in the morning on Sunday, from cleaning the house ok? It’s still not done, not even close, but that’s not the point of the story.

The point is I was working on the kitchen and I was taking things down from the window sill to wipe it down and at first I thought, Why am I even bothering with the window sill? No one cares about the window sill. And then I suddenly sort of changed moods and switched gears. Suddenly I was doing something to give my loved ones a nice home, one similar to what I had growing up.

And that felt good. And that felt like a good motivator. And I rode it till 3 in the morning. And I’m still riding it because I know it’ll (most likely) eventually evaporate.

But I think to counter the eventual feel good vibe evaporation (quite the scientific term, believe you me) I need to ride it long enough to devise a system. Or maybe not even devise but re-implement.

Like (practically) every good female on the internet, I have been seduced by the FLYlady. I’ve toyed with her process and have had varying degrees of success. Mostly I have two big problems with it– it’s not compatible for a single full time working mother of three children and I really just can’t ever finally love housework. I know she says it’s about finally loving yourself but I beg to differ. I just won’t go into it all right now.

The thing is, whether I like her or not, whether I have the time and patience to put her system into effect completely at my house or not, there is one basic part of FLYlady’s system that works– routine maintenance.

My mom is a domestic diva. She is of the old school lineage that truly takes pride in a home’s appearance. I remember the house always being clean, or at least smelling that way. To this day, when my mom brings something she’s laundered at her house, it always smells a million times better than my laundry and it lasts way longer too. My mom has told me, in a million ways, that essentially FLYlady is right. Cleaning your house is something that has to be done every single day. Like brushing your teeth.

You know how you wouldn’t leave your house in the morning without brushing your teeth? My mom believes you shouldn’t go to bed at night without cleaning something in your house, preferably a lot of somethings.

Even though it’s still hard for me to admit it, Mom’s right. And that’s where the program comes into place. I actually had a house I was proud of a while ago. Which is funny because it was also the time I had a body I was proud of and lots of people out there would say it’s not a coincidence.

And the crazy part is this actually happened during a time in my life where I was a single mom.

I’m unhappy with my home and my body these days. They both feel dumpy and frumpy and neglected. But this post isn’t about my body, it’s about the house. So I’m going to start making up my lists of daily, weekly, and monthly tasks. And I’m just going to keep riding the wave into a more standard program of routine maintenance. It worked so well for me once before, I know it can work again. And the kids are older and can join in more ways than they were able  to two years ago.

So that’s where my mind’s been these days. With my home and putting some heart into it. What about you?

By the way, random question but when should I open up Tinsel my Christmas Pig?

Brain Dump: The Cute, The Gross, and The Mundane

Posted on by

Brain Coral
“Brain Coral” by Scott Kinmartin, on Flickr

The Boyfriend does this thing that is so insanely cute, it inspires violent urges in me. He leaves me messages on the mirror. I think he writes them in the steam when he’s done with a shower. When I get out of my shower, there they are plain as day. I write back a response but I don’t know if he sees them. So I don’t know if he knows I see the ones he writes me because I haven’t told him. Then again if he reads this… Yeah I’m passive that way.

Speaking of super cute feel-good stuff, Eldest is awesome at saying the sweetest heart-melting things to me. Seriously. He always tells me things like he loves me more than something crazy AND something even more crazy. Or he tells me his favorite place to be is anywhere I am. He tells me at least once a day how I’m the best mom in the universe (sorry to burst your bubble, moms!). So for Future Girlfriends, please know if he doesn’t shower you with words of sweetness  it is either because a) You are not awesome enough to be worthy of his sweetest affections (Ha, I win!) OR b) Some ridiculous Hussy of the Future broke his sweet spirit and she will experience my wrath, mark my words. But yes it has nothing at all to do with the way I raised him. I am doing my due diligence in raising an Openly Affectionate Boy.

I keep thinking about Ashley Quiñones lately. And a lot of other people who have big trials in their lives. I share the floor with this program that works with children under the age of three. It’s like an early intervention programs for kids who show developmental problems. Anyways, the case workers choose the neediest family in their groups and give them baskets of food at Thanksgiving time. I found out about it the day before they were going to put together the baskets and I had planned on going to Publix that night anyways. So I picked up a few things with my coupons and then I went home and shopped my pantry. I brought a bunch of bags in figuring they could spread the goodies amongst the different families. But they decided I had brought in so much stuff, they could make an entire basket out of it to supplement a gift card they had bought. They gave it to a family where the head of the household is a grandmother and her four grandchildren. Three are under the age of three, and the fourth is in the primary grades. The mother is in jail for attempted murder, of her mother, the grandmother caring for the kids. Can you imagine? And to think I complain when I get frustrated about how hard it is to raise three kids by myself!

It might be weird to have this thought after the one I just wrote about but I am really eager to get going on Christmas shopping. I guess maybe because I’m feeling so grateful, I want to get out there and keep expressing it in ways I can. And of course, my loved ones deserve so much of gratitude. Oddly enough, I’m stumped as far as the kids go. I try and go by the whole “Something they want, something they need, and something to read” philosophy but I get to the Want part and my brain short-circuits. Not because I can’t think of anything but because I can’t think of anything they would want that would not make me roll my eyes. Except the Kindle Fire. Kind of.

Speaking of things that make me roll my eyes, Baby is driving me crazy with the potty training problems. I don’t want to get into gross details but it comes down to this: the kid hates pooping but because I have him on a steady diet of Fiber Gummies, he can’t hold it in very well. I’ve been so frustrated with it all. His teachers have been patient and awesome and we’re going to try a new system to see if we can get him over this fear of pooping he’s had since he was 5 months old pretty much. It’s just a matter of time before the kids really start taunting him for it. Yesterday he covered the slide, and himself, in poop.

I can’t wait to cash out my Christmas Pig. But I have no idea what to treat myself with. Why? Because I am overwhelmed with the Wanties. Clothes, shoes, jewelry, art, area rugs, a new bed, curtains, a camera, a camcorder, and so on and so forth dominate my long list of Wanties.

I am not overwhelmed with the handmade urge like I was last year. That makes me sad. I have ideas but no gumption.

What about you and your randomness?

Reshare: What would you do to save one life?

Posted on by

I never, ever, ever, ever, ever do this sort of thing, I don’t even have guest posts. But, helping each other out is important to me and when we’re talking about someone’s life, it’s double-down. When the person in question is the exact same age as me, it’s all in. I’ve already made a donation and I’m going to try and make a couple of more. But the real reason I am reposting this from Daily Plate of Crazy is because this needs to get circulated and it needs to get circulated fast. So please read below and do what you can whether it be a donation of your own, a passing on of the call for help, or maybe a little bit of both.

What Would You Do To Save One Life?

In the town of Sanford, North Carolina, population 30,000, a community is watching one of their own, closely. The fact is, without an organ transplant, 31-year old Ashley Quiñones will die.

Ashley needs a kidney transplant. Dialysis, which is a viable long-term option for many, isn’t a long-term option for her.

Medicaid – Ashley’s only insurer – will not fund the necessary surgery, which is estimated at $250,000. The family has appealed once and been rejected. A second appeal is in Ashley’s future, but the process, of course, requires time.

Our health care crisis? It’s about individuals. It’s about families. It’s about you and me. And it’s certainly about Ashley.

Ashley’s kidney donor has been cleared and ready to go for the past two years, but without the ability to pay for the surgery, Ashley waits. And waits. If Ashley has to wait another year, from everything I understand, it’s unlikely that she will be here.

To be clear, Medicaid has reasons for their position (more on that in a moment), but Ashley’s doctors are convinced that a new kidney will give her another 10 years – at least – of quality life.

It’s worth noting that Ashley has never been able to purchase health care coverage because of a pre-existing condition – Cystic Fibrosis – and therefore, has no option except Medicaid and their decisions. Her life is quite literally in their hands.

Ashley’s Story, and Ours As a Community

Ashley was born with Cystic Fibrosis, which has meant a life of assorted medical interventions, yet a life that includes joy, loving, and giving back. She works two jobs – one teaching English to non-native speakers through the local community college, and another, as a developmental aid to a child classified as “severe profound.”

Ashley’s dream? To use her theater education and training as an actress to help disabled children through drama therapy.

Many of us believe our health care system is rife with problems and inequities. This is only one example. Some of you may say – “yes, but there are rules and tough choices, there are good people whose job it is to make these difficult decisions.”

And I would agree. I can’t imagine the heart-wrenching decisions that must be made in systems that are complicated and costly, and in which clear-cut answers may be not always be evident. But systems are intended to serve people – and not the other way around.

Sometimes, when issues are so complex that we don’t know where to start to repair them, when we lose sight of the human element, when we feel overwhelmed – we surrender to the futility of it all. And we do nothing.

I know that’s the case for me, or has been in the past.

Yet I believe that most of us want to make a difference in the lives of others. We simply don’t know where to begin.

Maybe we can begin with Ashley. Maybe we can begin by picturing our own healthy children, their healthy friends, our healthy selves.

There but for the grace of God, as the saying goes. And I tell myself – maybe we can’t save the world, but we can save one life.

Not one of us, on our own. But many of us, working together.

COTA, and Ashley’s Transplant History

Ashley’s family and community have been working to raise funds. They’ve managed to accumulate just over $16,600 – all handled through the Children’s Organ Transplant Association (COTA), where Ashley is listed for a kidney transplant. COTA is a 501(c)(3)  national charity dedicated to organizing and guiding communities in raising funds for transplant-needy patients. COTA has been in existence since 1986, with a 4-star rating (out of 4) from Charity Navigator.

Having received a life-saving double-lung transplant in 2001, Ashley is in COTA’s system for life. You can read more about Ashley on their site, and view the progress of donations on her behalf.

In the interest of full disclosure, the medications Ashley takes to keep her lungs healthy and prevent her body from rejecting them place a tremendous strain on her system – specifically, her kidneys. And those hard-worked organs are at the end of their rope.

It is the fact of the lung transplant and a condition known as Bronchial Obliterans Syndrome (BOS) that Medicaid is, to date, denying Ashley’s surgical coverage. Her lungs are beginning to show wear, though her doctors believe she will stabilize and do well following the kidney transplant. It is expected that she will need another lung transplant at some point in the future.

The estimated cost of the kidney transplant is $250,000.

And remember – Ashley has a donor cleared and ready to go. What she doesn’t have is the money that’s required.  

Big Bucks in Context

So just how much is $250,000? Or, as to what remains to be raised – $234,000?

When you mention a sum like that, it seems beyond comprehension. But what if you spread the cost over 1,000 people? Or 2,000 people? Or more?

  • That’s $234 spread over 1,000 people.
  • That’s $117 if 2,000 people were to contribute.

Those are amounts that I can fathom. Those are amounts I can put into context.

  • $117 is less than an afternoon at the local day spa, after a stressful week of work and kids.*
  • $117 is less than three weeks of Venti Lattes, grabbed on your way to  the office and likewise, on your commute home.**
  • $117 might be the cost to personalize your holiday cards, to purchase the shoes that match your new dress, to send the gift basket you’ve picked out for your mother-in-law.

My point in mentioning these figures is only to put these amounts into context. Everyone I know works extremely hard for their money, and times are tight, tight, tight.

But if 2,000 people could come up with $100 or so? If some of us can donate more – and others, understandably, less – isn’t it worth trying to help?

The fact is – any amount helps. Every dollar brings Ashley closer to returning health.

Our Health Care Crisis Involves People & Families

I’ve written about the health care conversation in this country before, several times. I would like to cite a comment made on one of my health care-related articles, not long ago. It was written by Ashley’s sister, Kelly Miller, whom you may know from her blog, The Miller Mix:

…we struggle to raise [money] for my sister’s kidney transplant that Medicaid is refusing to pay for. However, she couldn’t buy health insurance from any other provider even if she had a steady 40-hr/wk job because of her pre-existing condition. So she can’t buy coverage and the system won’t give her coverage, so she must pay out of pocket for a kidney she’ll take great care of.

Meanwhile, someone who smoked and drank most of their lives, and likely will again, can get a transplant easy-peasy for a fraction of the cost because the system is set up in their favor.

I’ve been unable to get Ashley out of my mind since reading Kelly’s comment, and this post is the result of the past weeks of research, of talking with Kelly, and talking with COTA. I can’t stop asking myself: What if one of my children had been born with CF or some other disease? What if I had no medical coverage to help them?

Finances are tight in my household, as they may be in yours. But I’ve just made my COTA donation, which required only a few minutes. I went directly through Ashley’s contribution page, clicked the DONATE box, completed the process, noted that it was a gift in tribute to my two sons, and they will receive an acknowledgment letter to that effect.

I think it’s the best Christmas gift ever. And I know they will agree.

Additional Details

It took five minutes and a credit card. The amount of my donation was reflected immediately. One minute later, I received my email confirmation, usable for tax reporting.

Painless.

Easy.

And here’s the before and after in terms of Ashley’s COTA account:

Should you choose to read more about Ashley, you may do so here.  To learn about the donation process in general – by check, money order or online, read here.

To donate online for Ashley, please do so here.

As to use of funds, any monies donated to Ashley through COTA go 100% to Ashley’s transplant-related medical expenses. No administrative or other fees are taken out of your donation, which you will read on COTA’s site and they will confirm if you speak to them personally.

Here are a few more details, to direct your donation to Ashley’s COTA transplant account:

  • It is critical that you earmark donations for Ashley Quiñones. If you are donating by check, write her name in the memo line of your check.
  • As part of the online process, if you do not wish to receive any mailings or be solicited by COTA in any way, then check the box that says “Do not include my name on the COTA report.”
  • You have the option of donating for Ashley in memory of someone or in tribute to someone – in other words, as a gift. As I mentioned above, money I would otherwise spend on something my sons don’t really need will go, instead, to Ashley’s kidney account through COTA.
  • When you donate in memory of or tribute to someone, COTA will send an acknowledgment on their letterhead; you have only to use the  space in the online process or, if sending a check or money order, enclose a note with the name and address of the person you are honoring and the occasion.
  • Your COTA donation for Ashley may also be eligible for matching gifts from your employer. Be sure to check COTA’s Matching Gifts page, use the search function, and see if your employer participates. (I tried it out – there are many organizations that match funds. This could double the amount Ashley will receive toward her transplant!)
  • If you don’t find your employer listed, feel free to contact COTA to verify. And don’t forget you can check with your Human Resources Department as well.
  • Be sure to provide your email address if you wish a tax receipt to be emailed. Otherwise, your address information will be used to acknowledge your tax deductible contribution.

You may find a few more housekeeping items here, at this FAQ for Ashley Q.

Ashley’s Future

So what will Ashley’s prospects be with the new kidney?

According to her doctors, if she receives the new kidney, her prognosis is excellent. Clearly, the sooner she can undergo the transplant procedure the better; her doctors are optimistic. However, the more time that passes, the darker the outlook.

As to the dialysis issue, Ashley’s overall health must stay reasonably good in order for her to qualify for a second double-lung transplant. If she winds up on dialysis, her overall health will plummet. Most of Ashley’s lung issues are vascular (related to her veins), and the renal system (kidneys) is tied into that.

While Ashley is currently in renal failure, it’s still manageable. She’s continuously adjusting her diet to avoid dialysis for as long as possible. At this point, the doctors are predicting another month or so.

If you want more detail on this, the best person to contact is Kelly, Ashley’s sister (her email is below).

And please see Kelly’s updated post for more information on Ashley’s situation.

What Wouldn’t You Do?

I wasn’t asked to write this post. But I couldn’t have looked myself in the mirror if I hadn’t. Call me idealistic, call me crazy, call me annoying. But I insist on believing that we can make a difference in the world – one person at a time.

What if Ashley were your sister, your daughter, your best friend? What would you do to save her life?

What wouldn’t you do?

Some of you know Kelly, Ashley’s sister. Some of you have already given generously, and I know the family is immeasurably grateful. I will remind you that we teach our children through our actions, and it’s never too late to do so.

As for the fact that it’s the time of year that organizations come calling, and we look for tax deductions, I’d say that helping Ashley get a kidney is a win, all round.

So I’m asking you to consider giving – if you can, and whatever amount you can.

I’m also asking that you share Ashley’s story, and its urgency. This is about Ashley, but also every life that she will touch in the future – for the better. And this is about us, and fighting a growing sense of powerlessness by taking action – one person at a time.

If you decide to donate, you may click the image to the right (Donate Now), which will take you to Ashley’s online Donation page.

More Information on COTA.org

For more information you may contact COTA directly online, by calling 1-800-366-2682, or access Ashley’s page at www.cotaforashleyq.com. You may also contact Kelly via email, at kqmiller @ gmail.com.

Whatever you decide to do, thank you for reading, and for your consideration.


Update 11/13/11 – If you’re tweeting for Ashley, please use the hashtag #KidneyCutie - and thank you!
*A little research showed half-day spa treatments ranging from $180 to $280 in my area.
**Starbucks Grande Caramel Macchiato: $4.25 before tax, in my neighborhood. Venti Latte: $4.50 before tax. Two a day? You’re in the vicinity of $45/week!

© D. A. Wolf

Garage Sale Recap

Posted on by

It's TRUE!

There are so many ways to say it, and so many things to apply the concept to but you really have to clear the old to make room for the new. Change is such an inherent aspect of being human.

It seems having a garage sale is, for me, a great way to flush out my life and invigorate it with newness.

I don’t have garage sales often. And honestly, I strongly dislike prepping for them and actually doing them is a major strain on me as well for a number of reasons in a number of ways. But it just so happens both times I’ve done a garage sale have resulted in so much good coming out of them, they’ve been deemed Totally Worth It.

My first garage sale I did the year before last. And maybe a garage sale every other year is a good thing for me. Just enough time to accumulate enough stuff to make it worth the agony perhaps.

Yesterday was my second garage sale. I’ve been working on it for days. I’m pretty detail-oriented when it comes to garage sales and I always feel like I just don’t have enough time. This time, I felt way more prepared than the last time but it was still pretty taxing.

We cut the string and opened just after 9:00 AM. In my city, there’s a regulation that forbids beginning the garage sale earlier. But we had a ton of stuff and so we roped off the driveway while we set up. Some people were not amused and a couple were extremely pushy but thankfully I had a couple of friends who made awesome bouncers too. When we were (mostly) ready, we got going. The vast majority of the little to mid-size things went really fast, probably in the first couple of hours.

Those are the most tedious to deal with but my friend, The FacePainter, was on-hand and she was awesome. She loves garage sales and just knew what to do and how to make it work really smooth. I think most of the transactions that included the small things were handled by her.

The bigger items, furniture, went in the afternoon. And it almost all went.

Best part of the day, maybe even week?

A woman pulled up and was eying my dining room set. “How much for the dining table?” she asked. “Twenty bucks,” I said, “with the chairs.” She started crying and hugged me. She thanked me and told me I had no idea what I was doing for her. She then spotted a sofa I had in the back. “How much is the sofa?” she asked. “Also twenty bucks,” I said. The smile on her face was SO bright. I told her she could have both for $35 but she said no way and paid the full amount.

She ended up telling me the super brief version of her story. It was something along the lines of her being sick for a very long time, being unable to work consistently for years, and everything in her house becoming severely neglected as a result. The stuff she was buying from me was stuff that was her taste and that she could actually afford. She was so happy. She also ended up buying a nightstand for $5 and some clothes we were selling at a quarter each. She bought a couple of items for her granddaughter who was with her too and some of the avocados I had picked that day.

That’s the thing I like about garage sales. I was glad things I was letting go of were able to help her, to make her feel better. It’s amazing when you see the ripple of effect of charity or good deeds.

There’s a reason I was selling my dining set and for as cheap as $20.

On Saturday, I got a phone call from my Aunt. I had told her I was having the garage sale because in purging my closet to the bare bones, I found a bunch of clothes that I had barely worn which were way too small for me but would likely fit my goddaughter (who funny enough had just donated a bunch of shoes to me not that long ago). She was super excited about my having a garage sale because she was de-cluttering as well. She wanted to donate the items to me but she wanted to know if I was allowed to sell furniture at my garage sale. Of course I was.

Well, in that case, she wanted to know if we could think of a way to get her dining set to me because they wanted to change. They’d had it for years and they hardly ever used it because they had it set as the formal dining room and was too out of the way.

I told my aunt that yes my garage sale allowed furniture to be sold but if she was just going to give it to me to sell so I could have the money, I was going to keep it for myself. I told her to send me a picture because I wanted to be sure I was thinking of the right dining set and that I hadn’t confused it with something I had seen somewhere else. Sure enough, this is the picture that arrived in my inbox. Note: This is the dining room in her house, not mine!

It includes the table, the chairs, and the buffet. I love it. It’s so beautiful. And there’s no way I could afford a set like that any time soon. Just no way. The set I had was a $150 bargain from IKEA that I built all by myself. It was nice and modern looking but it was showing signs of wear. And that was fine, because I have kids and I know that’s just what they do, but this was too wonderful to pass up on. My uncle decided since I was going to keep it, he’d arrange one of his delivery guys to bring it to the house for me some time this week.

And that’s the way I ended up being able to sell my dining set to this woman who was so very grateful for the chance to improve her situation as well. Ironically, the sofa she bought was the same sofa my Aunt had donated to my Grandmother who then donated to me when I was between couches a couple of years ago. Good deeds lead to more good deeds somehow some way.

Clearing out the old summons in the new.

A new (to me) dining set isn’t the only stuff I received in the course of the garage sale. Funny enough, I cleaned out two closets: Eldest’s and my own. My friend brought a bunch of clothes to the garage sale– clothes from her sister and clothes from her boyfriend’s co-worker. The sister has a son slightly older than Eldest so I found heaps of clothes in Eldest’s size and a lot of it perfect for a Miami winter. I couldn’t believe it! And her boyfriend’s co-worker is a shopaholic who apparently runs the gamut in sizes because there was everything in there from size 0 to size 8. I’m in the size 6 to 8 part of the spectrum these days which was my closet was empty and depressed.

Not anymore! I got a gorgeous wool coat, some beautifully tailored suit jackets, a couple of great dresses, a beautiful top that is perfect for New Year’s, and sweaters (which I had purged very rigorously).

And I was able to keep the good vibes going forward. I found an absolutely stunning 100% silk blouse that I just knew was my grandmother’s style. I had her try it on and she loved it. She was so excited about her little garage sale gift.

We also got a free TV from the Boyfriend who moved in this week. It just became too difficult for him to continue paying rent and child support and car insurance and other bills on unemployment. So he’s with us until his situation improves. The TV is in the kids’ newly cleaned out and reorganized play room. They’re going to flip out when they see it today.

When everything was done, I counted out the money. I made $334.75. I dumped the $1.75 that was in quarters into Tinsel the Christmas Pig, put $4 into the Worlds Finest Chocolate envelope since we sold some of those, put $24 aside for field trip money, and was left with $305.

I promptly found a Christmas themed container and dumped it in there properly jump-starting my Christmas shopping fund.

I don’t think of myself as a Garage Sale Guru but I will tell you the Top Three things that worked for me:

  1. Price everything clearly. I found a pack of neon color dots at Walgreen’s that, paired with a black Sharpie, worked wonderfully.
  2. Price everything at your lowest price point. Remember, if you have an item for sale in a garage sale it is because you have made the decision this item no longer belongs in your life. The ultimate goal is to get rid of it. I don’t give items that don’t sell a second chance and I don’t think you should either. If it doesn’t sell, I pack my car and immediately deliver it to Goodwill. I immediately post the large items on Craigslist’s Free Section and put them on the curb. When I say, “Everything must go” I mean it, and you should too. It’s better to get the quarter for it at the garage sale than the zero you get for it at Goodwill. Besides, it also goes much faster when it’s priced super cheap. The less time you’re out there, the better. I actually didn’t do this for my furniture items and wish I did because I don’t think I would’ve been out there as long!
  3. Price things as uniformly as possible. For instance, you can have clothing split into four categories– 25 cents, 50 cents, 75 cents, and a dollar. Put all of the 25 cents stuff together and label it clearly. Do the same for each bin and put some separation between them so things don’t get mixed together too much. Maybe do the bin of 25 cent clothing, a bin of kid shoes, a bin of 50 cent clothing, a bin of purses, a bin of 75 cent clothing, a bin of adult shoes, a bin of dollar clothing, and a bin of belts, ties, and hats.

I know the rest of the United States is entering the unfriendly weather season but tell me about your past garage sale experiences or plans for future ones! I really want to become a garage sale shopper. I said it last time I had a garage sale and never did it. This time really reminded me how much I should at least try it, especially when I got the chance to shop my friend’s goods! What turned you on or off to garage sales?

The Gift Guilt Complex

Posted on by

Gift ribbon heart and bokeh

“Gift Ribbon Heart & Bokey” by Moa Maria on Flickr

When it comes to gifts, I have two distinct personalities: The Receiver and the Giver.

I’m the easiest Receiver in the world. I’m very grateful for every gift I receive no matter how small. I don’t care if you got it at the thrift store, a garage sale, or Neiman Marcus. I love handmade. I just very much appreciate that you took a moment to think of me and let me know with a gift- any sort of gift.

As a Giver though? Well, I have a bit of a problem. Gift-giving to me is very stressful and it has to do with one major flaw in my thinking.

I pay attention to the cost/value of the item I am giving.

It’s not the only thing I look at, granted, but I have shied away from certain gifts because I was afraid they would be perceived as cheap. Price is a determining factor.

This sort of thinking is partially the reason I loathe gift cards. There is a price tag right on the gift! I was brought up in an environment where it was always tacky to leave the price tag on.

I find it strange I have this issue as a Giver because it doesn’t figure into my experience as a Receiver. I’m not even sure where it came from exactly because my parents, and the majority of my family members, aren’t the materialistic type. Actually, I’ve always thought of my parents as pretty thrifty people. My mother is a bargain-hunting queen!

The thing is, I don’t want to do this. I feel as if my gift is less sincere if I shy away from an item because of its cheap price or gravitate to a different item because of its higher price. Just typing that makes me feel somewhat petty and childish.

There is one huge exception to my price tag problem, handmade gifts.

I don’t feel awkward or cheap giving them. And when budgets have been slim, I’ve done those gifts in the past. But this year, I’m completely wiped out and I just know gift-making is not going to happen. So, working with slim budgets is my only alternative.

And I feel so weird about it.

Yesterday, I wrote up a budget for Christmas. It’s $1500 and that’s with slim individual gift budgets that I am not comfortable with honestly.When I was married, we gave much more extravagant gifts- especially to our immediate family.

The killer is, that amount is very high and is really not even very realistic for me. I have a lot of expenses this time of year outside of Christmas and I haven’t done a good job at all of saving money for things.

Right now, I was on Amazon because I had a great idea for a gift for my Mom. It’s the kind of thing I know she’ll really enjoy and I know it’ll show her I know what she loves and enjoys and it’s directly tied to a couple of conversations we had ages ago. It’s the kind of gift I feel only I could give to my Mom if that makes sense.

Well, when I hopped on Amazon I found the price was very reasonable. But right away my brain noted it was only half of the budget I had designated for my Mom. Instead of being happy about this, I got nervous and instantly thought of ways I could supplement the gift to reach the budgeted amount.

And that’s when I had the ridiculously embarrassing “Duh” moment that prompted this whole post.

I’m glad I caught on to this early in the shopping season. I’m glad I realized it because I don’t think it’s healthy.

I don’t have $1500. I fully intended to have Christmas saved up for and yet all I managed to squirrel away was about $200. If I manage to actually spend the $1500 for Christmas, which is NOT hard to do with a family the size of mine, I know it’s going to cause more stress and leave me with Post-Christmas Guilt and Depression.

I really love my family. And I really love to give them gifts.

But I need to let go of the Price Tag and Budget thing I have going on.

My budget is not an amount I am obligated to spend, it’s a limit to how much I can spend. And this distinction is one I have problems with over and over again. Even while creating the budget, I found a flaw in my thinking.

Let’s say I assigned Co-Worker a $10 budget. My brain right away started brainstorming ten dollar items that would be suitable. I didn’t even think about sales tax if the item is purchased locally, or delivery charges if the item is purchased online.

I do that all of the time and then get frustrated and confused when my budget is blown. People tell me I’m really smart, but when I have these “a-ha” moments, I really feel I should disagree.

What about you? Do you wing Christmas? Do you budget every cent? Do you write a budget and blow it consistently?Are you already done with Christmas? Any advice?

November Freedom

Posted on by

Ok, so we’re almost ten days into the month and I’m finally getting around to set some goals. Things are still so very busy at work and my home life has also been gaining speed. So really, I’m going to have to force myself to construct just a few goals again. But some are better than none.

Of course there’s a soundtrack and even though I was sorely tempted to go with November Rain, Free as a Bird is just way more in line with where I’m at right now.

November- Financial

Track Expenses: I had a hard time doing this last month because of how busy I was. But I felt very anxious without it at the same time. So this month, I’m back on it and I have found the most perfect solution to my problem of when life gets too busy for expense tracking– Expense Manager. This little app is absolutely marvelous. Yeah it’s not as sophisticated and detailed as my Excel sheet but as far as logging my expenses so I don’t forget them? It does the job beautifully.

Savings: I haven’t been so good at this either and I think it’s because I haven’t really done many solid numbers and also because I do impulsive things like sending snowballs to the credit cards. I have to put a stop to that until I have the $2700 I need to pay the registration in the beginning of February. So my goal is to put $1000 away in savings this month. Yes I know Christmas is around the corner. Christmas shall not be fancy this year, end of story.

Christmas Budget: I need to make one for real. I’ve already bought a couple of things for Christmas and even though it’s way past the time to get this figured out, I need to do it before the real shopping gets started. If not, I know I’ll just end up using the money I need for the Registration and I can’t do that to myself.

My Motto

November- Personal

Garage Sale: I am having a garage sale this Sunday even if it kills me. And I will have purged my house in preparedness for it. What doesn’t sell is going in the Murano and down the street to the Goodwill donation center. So help me, I am this close to emptying my whole house on the front lawn.

Books: I need to get back on the book thing if I want to meet my goal of 60 for 2011. Or at least, get close. I have 49 read books right now so I have 11 more to go. I’m frustrated because through the year I’ve been way ahead of target and in the last couple of months, I got derailed. Some of it was due to being overwhelmingly busy but also, it just wasn’t a priority either. I’ve been playing way too much on my Android phone when before, I would’ve spent that time reading instead!

So, there’s my November. What about you? Small-time? Big-time? No-time?

P.S. I am more active on Google+ right now than any other platform. I’ve acquired the access to a Brand Page for Mutant Supermodel but I can’t figure out how to mess with it from the phone and that’s a primary thing for me so I’m not going to link to it just yet. Once it’s all pretty though, I’ll be sure to let you all know.

October’s Over

Posted on by

Whew!! I’m back from the insanity that is my annual conference. Of course, now begins the super tedious work of tying up all of the loose ends but I’m allowing myself a breather here and there.

Believe it or not, keeping my list of goals for October short and sweet was a pretty smart move I made there. I’ll do a quick recap but I haven’t really thought much about what I want to do this month. I will confess I am super cranky about anything that requires responsibility and sacrifice right now. That means things like coupons and expense tracking are getting nasty looks from me and I’m doing a lot of mumble grumble stuff when I think about them. I’m supposed to do groceries tonight and… I don’t wanna!

I’m still ridiculously tired and sleeping huge amounts when possible. Maybe my November goals will come to me in my dreams? Ok enough of the silliness– how did I do with the October list?

October Financial

Car Repair Bill- Paid the $220 balance. We’ll see what new problems crop up this month with that whole thing about the engine floating in mid-air. Check!

Bigger Than Usual- Mixed Results. This month was total chaos and the money flying out of my wallet was no exception. I ended up paying almost $500 this month in things related to the kids’ school and extracurricular activities. Cra-zy. Really the only thing I didn’t pay from the Unexpected/Forgotten/Bigger Than Usual List was T-Mobile. I’ll be paying the T-Mobile balance this month in two parts because it ended up being over $400.  *vomit*

Cash- Check but this ended up making my life way more stressful than I thought. Why? Because I didn’t count on not having time to update my expense tracker. And I think receipts are allergic to me because they tend to run away and hide when I need them. You can’t have receipts be allergic to you when you’re using cash. It’s a huge headache if you want to know what’s going where which I do.

October Personal

Do not have a mental breakdown- Check! My kids don’t hate me, the Boyfriend didn’t dump me, my co-workers are proud of me, and my bosses aren’t looking for ways to fire me. And I think maybe some of you are still around.  I also did not end up in a mental ward. I did end up on a massage table so that might have been part of the solution.

Dance- Well, I didn’t finish the five week session but not because of me! I actually went to four out of five and the fifth was cancelled because my instructor is out of town. It’s actually been AWESOME. My fourth class, no one else showed up so I got a private lesson. Instead of finishing the Level One Routine, she thought I might be ready to start some Level 2 stuff and we ended up going through all of the Level 2 tricks. I had a blast! I have one groupon class left and am scheduled for a Lap Dance class this Sunday so I’m calling this one a CHECK. I really can’t begin to tell you how much fun I have been having and how awesome it’s been to get to dance once a week. The pole has been super challenging and has worked me out top to bottom. Look into this in your neighborhood!! I am actually trying to put aside some money to purchase a block of classes. If you buy 20 classes they only come to about $10 a class which is pretty reasonable.

And that’s everything I had on my October list. I’ll be back soon with November and it might even have music to it!