The Forbidden Wedding

I got married in 2004. It was in a big, old Catholic church. I had my traditional wedding gown. There was a reception at a hotel. Cake. Dancing. Tossed bouquets. Traditional photos.

It wasn’t my dream wedding but, that had way more to do than my ideas of marriage, religion, and expectations than any fault of anyone else.

I guess one thing some people think as a perk for divorce is that you can get a do-over on your wedding one day.

This is a strange concept for me because I never really wanted a wedding to start with. But, I’ve also noticed the universe has a twisted sense of logic and “Never say never” is generally a good piece of advice.

As a matter of fact, it has been my personal experience the more one fleshes out certain concepts, the less likely it is they’ll happen.

So, here is my dream wedding that will most likely never ever happen for a myriad of reasons. This crazy post was inspired by KC at Momma and the Misters’ post.  She obviously designed her dream wedding for all of the right reasons. I’m designing my forbidden wedding for all of the wrong ones. Either way, it’s fun to look at.

Let’s start with the ring.

Look, I’m not much of a bling bling kind of girl. I prefer really funky pieces. Don’t bother with an engagement ring either. I’d rather have an engagement letter, poem, or mixtape. But I’m all for exchanging rings during vows.

Get me something simple, funky, or elegant. I don’t care. I just want it to be meaningful to you. I want it to symbolize something special about you and me and I want you to figure it all out by yourself. Also, I’m a romantic and like words. Bonus points if you engrave something beautiful.


That being said, it should be obvious this ring would be a no-no (for a wedding ring, otherwise it’s awesome).

We’d get married on the beach and let me explain why this is important to me. I feel calm, serenity, and bliss when I’m on the beach. These are three things I want to associate with my marriage to you. In a church I feel frustration, boredom, and as if I’m being lied to. These are three things I do NOT want to associate with our wonderful nonexistent marriage.

I’d walk down the sand aisle in a great dress. It will most definitely not be white. Or ivory. Or off-white. Or cream. Or even beige. I’m not pure, not virginal, and I’m not trying to pretend I’ve never done this before. As a matter of fact, I’d want it to be a glaring obvious fact that I have done this before and am nuts enough to do it again under an entirely different set of circumstances. If I knew you loved seeing me in a particular color, it’d probably be that. If you thought I looked gorgeous in anything (and nothing) it could be anything.

After the ceremony, I’d ask our small group of loved family and cherished friends to go home, get comfortable, and meet us for dinner at somewhere around 8. It’d be at “our” restaurant, of course, and we’d pick up the tab because we’d be so happy to share this big step together. Of course, there’s no telling what “our” restaurant may be but I’d have no objections celebrating somewhere cheap and delicious.

When it’s time to set off on our honeymoon, I definitely have a destination in mind– somewhere with a good balance of adventure and relaxation. Bonus points if neither of us have ever been.

What about you? KC and I want to know about your wedding that hasn’t happened yet (first, second, forbidden, or otherwise). Tell us about it or write your own post and share. We hopeless romantics love the mushy stuff even if it’s not really intended for us.

19 thoughts on “The Forbidden Wedding

  1. Honestly my first (um, to date, only) wedding was pretty much what I wanted. There are details I’d have different – things that I’d have paid more or less attention to and gotten less stressed about – but overall I really did love my first wedding.

    However, if I get married again (and I hope I will someday) it will be a much simpler event. I would love a wedding with only a handful of people there – 10 people or fewer. My personal first choice would be on the beach, but my sweetie loves the mountains and I wouldn’t object to that either. A simple ceremony followed by a lovely dinner with our friends/family would be perfect.

    I don’t need an engagement ring (didn’t have one the first time either), just a pair of wedding rings, and a small bouquet of flowers (because I do want to feel like a bride).

    I can’t say that it’s anything I’ve thought extensively, but it’s something that I have considered. :)

    • Yeah I never gave it much thought until I saw the other post. Then I thought it was fun to play pretend. :) It’s funny how pretty much everyone I’ve talked to would prefer a simpler event the second time around.

  2. I’ve been married twice, well three times if you count that I had to get re-married in the Catholic church after my annulment. (Twice to my present husband if that didn’t make sense). Actually, the first one was not what I had envisioned because I got married at a hotel (ex-husband was Jewish and his mother wouldn’t attend if we got married in a Catholic church….RED FLAG THERE). Our honeymoon was awful as his father was dying of cancer and all he wanted to do was go home.

    When I married my husband, (his first time, my second), it was exactly the way I wanted it. Of course I had two children to consider, so it was a wee bit different, but I took a two week honeymoon. That part was much more important. :)! Oh, and my diamond was MUCH bigger the second time, even though we paid for it for the next 8 years….

    Would I ever get married again? No. Nada. Never. I’m very sure of that.

    • It made sense– I was raised Catholic ;)

      That’s nice you got your dream wedding after all.

      I’m not sure I’ll ever do it again. Even if I didn’t do the dream wedding the first time.

  3. Love it! Thanks for including me in this fun idea…I’m super excited to see the responses! :)

  4. Is it strange that I don’t know? I’m hopelessly traditional, but I’d love a vow renewal somewhere exotic or remote. I would, however, LOVE to come to your forbidden wedding!

  5. You reminded me of a story when you said the ring had to be meaningful. I have a couple of engineer friends that dated for 10 years before they got married. Anyway, the guy designed the wedding band. It was a solitaire diamond in the middle with two infinity signs on each side. It’s an uber dorky engineer thing to do but the ring is gorgeous and it’s very subtle. It doesn’t look like a math equation or anything.

    I liked my wedding just the way it was so I have nothing to add to my imaginary one.

    • That’s my kind of ring. For sure. I have to admit I kind of want to kill couples who go choose a ring together.

      That’s awesome you got it right the first time :)

  6. Loved this post! That sex ring is hilarious!! lol!

    My wedding was very relaxed & laid back… I loved it. It was fun & everyone had a blast. Nothing presumptuous, just us “keeping it real”!

    I’ve only, and will only be married once… Like my uncle says, “if at first you don’t succeed, quit & stop making an ass of yourself!” ;)

    • I love your uncle’s saying. I’m pretty sure another wedding is not in the cards for me. Like I said, marriage isn’t exactly something I covet.

      I kind of want the ring. But not for a wedding obviously. I’m not that crazy. Yet.

  7. All I can say is that it would be low-key, small and include my kids and close friends. My first wedding was out of control big and expensive and a headache. But I’m with you, the more meaningful and romantic the better. And yes, I would take the sex ring if it was that good and wear it proudly. I’m scarred for life after seeing Blood Diamond, so I would opt for something simple.

    • It’s funny how many of us have that sort of backlash. I LOVE the sex ring and I’d totally rock it if the SO bestowed it on me. But for the ceremony I’d like something elegantly simple LOL I never saw Blood Diamond but I’ve always thought diamonds were pretty boring. Who wants a clear stone when there are so many pretty colors!?!

  8. I like the way my wedding worked out. It was small (about 50 people), affordable, and fun. It ended in a divorce 11 years later, but that didn’t have anything to do with the wedding itself. I still have my engagement ring (a traditional diamond solitaire) and the wedding ring, which was made in Dublin and has a very pretty snake design all over. Snakes are a symbol of rebirth and change, and I like them so I thought it very appropriate at the time. I’m not sure what I’ll do with the rings now, so they’re just sitting around.

    Although I’m in a very happy relationship for the past (almost) two years, I just can’t see myself getting married again.

  9. I got married in front of a justice of the peace so my DH could stay in the country. I didn’t have a ring and we have a polaroid somewhere. we couldn’t stop laughing about it. 1 year later we did the whole damn shebang for our families. Sigh. It was a nice day though.

  10. My first wedding was horrible! I had so many signs leading up to it- the new in-laws getting stranded, my father accidentally grinding up my antique necklace in the garbage disposal, the feeling of dread on my part, and the huge thunderstorm just minutes before the outdoor wedding began….ahem. I so deserved a do-over (did I mention, the husband really sucked too- and not in a good way!) and I did and it was fun…….and you should try it sometime.

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