Where was I? Where am I? Where am I going?

I think with the first half of the year drawing to a close today, it’s a good time to take a look at where I am and where I want to be another six months from now and beyond.

In the books arena, I’ve read 32 of my goal of 60. I should have number 33 wrapped up this weekend. I’m happy I did this and am happy I raised the ante to 60. It’s keeping me going and is discouraging from just returning the library books stacked so neatly on my coffee table.

In crocheting, I’ve completed 11 projects as I set out to do. I have one more on the hook that I’ve had for a month at least. I have the yarn for another. And I keep dreaming about other projects I want to do. Why I’m having problems picking the hook and yarn up is beyond me.

In debt, I’ve made payments of $4,947 and is probably the area I’m sort of disappointed in but not really. Call it burn out or something but having been deprived of money for so many months, it’s hard to put additional funds towards debt snowflakes—especially as the summer is birthday season for my children. I’m behind where I should be if I’m to reach my goal of $11,000 by $3,729. At the very least, I’d like to at least double where I’m at right now for a total of $9894. I don’t know if I’ll be able to catch up entirely.

For one, I’m not sure the Income Deduction Order has actually gone into effect despite the order having been sent out a month ago (maybe longer). Although Ex has been paying things the past month, he’s not doing anything to make up the gap. If he were to be caught up, that would certainly help in plugging the debt hole especially as a portion of it came into play with his lack of payments.

I’m not going to call it quits on this goal, yet. I’d like to make it. I think $11k is reasonable if the income ramps up. Otherwise, I’ll take what I can get and just square my shoulders for a big year in 2012. Freedom of debt is going to be a reality from me in the next couple of years. It’s going to happen. The sooner the better, of course, but I’m not going to bang my head against a wall over things I can’t really control.

I think I mentioned it recently, but I’ve taken on the new goal of taking the GRE in September. I got my study guide in the mail and am looking to get started. I seriously need a calculator. Next weekend will be a great opportunity. I’m pretty sure I’ll be applying for a Masters in Communications in some sort of subset. I’d like to stick to research instead of application if that makes sense. I’m a nerd. I love to read. I like to write. I don’t like people. Well, that’s not true. I do like people, but I have a habit of getting too involved and so I think it’d be best to stick to books and papers.

Books and papers don’t get overly sensitive and freak the hell out on you—passively or aggressively.

I keep thinking about taking on NaNoWriMo again this year. I tried, and failed, a few months after the separation in 2009.

Repairing my laptop’s monitor is now a major priority. Reinstating cable and internet at my house, however, is not up there yet. It’s getting there—especially internet. But I’m not going bananas yet. I wonder if I’ll make it to the end of the year?

My hall closet is organized nicely at last. The play room still needs a lot of work. I want my bedroom to take on more signs of beauty and care. My mother wants very badly to team up with me to replace the furniture in the boys’ room. While I agree it is a hodge-podge, some of it is in quite bad shape, and it’s really not allowing me to take full advantage of the small space I’m hesitant. I don’t want to spend that kind of money right now but more importantly, I don’t want them doing it either.

Two birthday parties down, one more to go. Eldest wants a Reptile party. I looked into the local science museum but it’s quite pricey (for me) and limited to only 20. It amazes me there are places in South Florida that cling to such small sizes knowing how large families tend to be here. A friend mentioned she was able to get the museum to bring their animals to the house so I’m going to see if that’s an option.

My birthday’s in August too but I think I’m going to take a break and not have a get-together at my house. I think I’d just like to have dinner with my friends and family at my favorite Mexican restaurant.

I’m starting to think about Christmas. I want to make things as much as I don’t want to. I’m having such a hard time getting motivated to make anything, I’m uncomfortable thinking about it. But I have to because there are only six months to get things together and if you’re on a tight budget like I am, that’s not a lot of time.

What about you? How are you going with goals/resolutions/wishes for the year? Definitely drop a link if you’ve done your own half-way there review.

Three Simple Ways to Feel Better During Divorce & Separation

So you wake up one morning and the person you had kids with is gone. Maybe they vanished into thin air, or maybe they’ve found themselves a quaint place on the other side of town, or maybe they’ve made themselves comfy at their new partner’s  house, or maybe you’ve just put the last of their things on the front yard (with or without the gasoline and match) and have just turned your brand new lock. The family life you were living has changed.

And so begins the Emotional Onslaught. It doesn’t matter who left who. It doesn’t matter why someone left. The torrent of emotions happens to everyone. Oh, they’re all over the place aren’t they? Anger. Freedom. Guilt. Joy. Terror. Confidence. Doubt. Love. Hate. Contentment. Sadness. Clarity. Confusion. Pride. Insecurity.

Yup, they all slam into you. There’s no order, no sense. There’s no predicting what comes next. There’s no knowing you’ve definitely moved past one to another. You’re up, you’re down, and you’re turned around and around.

What the hell do you do?

Here are three very simple, very immediate things you can do to feel even the tiniest bit better one way or another.

Pull ups
“Pull Ups” by Mechtrose on Flickr

1. Pick a small physical goal and work at achieving it.

First of all, forget Couch to 5K. Forget half marathons. Forget losing a gazillion pounds. Forget dropping ten sizes. Forget some sort of crazy deadline.

Simplify: Think about something you can’t do right now and work at doing it.

For instance, during my separation, P90X was all the rage. Relax, I’m not suggesting you do P90X. The only reason P90X is relevant is because it involves a lot of pull-ups. I couldn’t do ONE pull-up. I tried. I couldn’t. So that was my goal: Mutant does a pull-up. I didn’t say by when or aim for ten. I just wanted to do ONE pull-up.

Oh it took me forever (no, seriously, like a few months) and one day, I did a pull up.

So, try to do a pull-up. Or a push-up. Or a sit-up. Or walk one mile. Or jog one mile. Or bike one mile. Do a freaking handstand. Just pick something physical you can’t do right this very minute but you KNOW you’ll be able to do at some point if you just keep trying and then do it.

And then when you do it, double it and make that your next goal.

This is a really great way to get a boost. There’s something about making yourself physically strong in some tiny way that brings reassurance. Forget the way you look, just prove to yourself you’re not a weakling. And trust me, you’re not.

Restricted
“Restricted” by Dim.Gkatz on Flickr

2. Create the “List of Past Compromises”

“A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.” – Anonymous Genius

In a relationship there is a lot of compromise. You’re not in an active relationship anymore so you don’t have to compromise. Do yourself a favor and write down all of the things you compromised when you were with your partner.

How easy this task is depends a lot on your current emotional state which we know is insanely unpredictable. If you’re in that place where you’re grateful for your Ex because they’re a good parent and love your kids and wasn’t really too horrible with you, you might struggle at first. If you’re really bitter, your list will probably be never-ending so please don’t let me stop you.

For the strugglers, yes you could wait until that happy feeling passes in a few minutes OR you can start with something totally stupid and “irrelevant”. Think of the “easy” compromises and don’t be surprised when you start realizing just how many of those you made and how many really shouldn’t have been so “easy”.

Did your partner insist meat be served at every meal? Was there a food they couldn’t tolerate that you salivated for? Was there a color you liked but your partner hated? Do you have a love for throw pillows your partner barely tolerated? Did your partner hate the way you looked in jeans? Was there a smell that made them sneeze? Was there a place that intrigued you but never could get them to go? Did you buy that underwear because they swooned? How many movies haven’t you watched you really wanted to? What’s the one song you had to play when they weren’t around?

Got your list? Good. Now, pick one thing and let go of the compromise.

Make a vegetarian meal. Treat yourself to a favorite dish or full meal. Buy something, or paint something, in that color. Throw pillows everywhere. Wear your jeans every day for a week. Hell, buy new jeans if you can afford it (or even new to you jeans) and ditch whatever it was you wore “as a compromise.” Get that smell everywhere and in every form—candles, air freshener, shower gel, detergent, perfume, plug-ins, etc. Go to the places—the garden, the museum, the country store, the ballet, the opera, the friend’s house (you know, the one they hardly stomached), the restaurant where people dance on tables, the park, the marina, the wherever. Wear the panties that make you swoon (with comfort or sexiness or freaking polka dots). Use and abuse Netflix. Make a No More Compromise Playlist and blast it.

In other words, be naughty. Seek and destroy. You will find this to be very silly and therefore very fun. It’s also the type of thing that easily breeds. You do one thing and then you remember another. Believe it or not, people change during a relationship—substantially. Oh we say we won’t, but we do. And you’re going to love remembering Old You. No more we, no more us. It could be sad, but in this case, you’re going to make it fun.

Journal
“Journal” by MemoryofDon on Flickr

3. Keep a journal.

Get a notebook and write in it. If you can, write in it every day even If all you can muster is one three word sentence (there are lots of those to choose from).

Single parents can feel very neglected and alone. Sometimes, you really feel like no one cares, or everyone’s scared to death of you (because divorce is contagious, didn’t you know?), or everyone might mean well but you just can’t explain or relate right now.

Thankfully, journals aren’t full of human ears, they’re full of pieces of paper. And, there isn’t a set of eyes other than your own who will be perusing.

In a journal, you can get as ugly, whiny, pathetic, resentful, bitter, happy, joyful, jealous, panicked, crazy as you want to get. No one’s judging, because no one’s reading.

If you go back and read what you wrote and find yourself filled to the brim with nausea? Guess what? It’s paper. Shred it. Burn it. Soak it. Ruin it however you see fit.

You know how you keep bursting into tears at your desk?  Or how you keep hauling ass as away from the kids so you can sob? You’re corked. You need to let something out. It’s better to let it out in little daily ways like writing in your journal than letting it just explode out of your poor abused heart.

I’m not saying the outbursts are going to magically disappear, but I think you’ll find they slow down, are shorter and easier to manage. Now when it starts you can tell yourself, “Not now. This is for the journal.”

Grief isn’t simple and it isn’t brief. When a family changes dramatically, grief is inevitable. These three small things aren’t the absolute ticket to happiness.

I encourage you to seek therapy (no, seriously, you need it). Get a lawyer to handle the yucky stuff (try and get a flat fee one and hope you don’t need to go to trial). I am telling you to give yourself a lot of time—at least two years. Read about it. Find others. Talk about it.

But, becoming a single parent doesn’t have to be a total nightmare either. We’re always reading about how horrible it is aren’t we? The thing about these three things is they all have an immediate effect and they all bring you in touch with YOU. Some will feel better than others. Some will feel awesome one day and only ok on another day. Some will have a lasting positive impression, and others will be just the briefest sense of positivity. But that’s their beauty.

Simple and effective—unlike pretty much everything else in your life right now.

Return of the Mutant

I am back from my vacation. I did so many things and also not did many other things. I had a wonderful time. I could sit and beat myself up about the not-dids but no way dude. That is definitely a huge perk to single motherhood– there is absolutely no one moaning and groaning about your not-dids on your time off, nor are you expected to take on any more than you already do.

I went to the Wynwood Art Walk. It was excellent. I think I can even go again in July. If I can, I will. There are so many tiny little galleries and the art is all over the place. Plus some even gave free alcohol. Next time, I’m determined to get there right when it starts because I really didn’t like it when it started getting packed.


On the 13th, Daughter turned 5. That morning I called her on the way to Summer Camp and asked her what kind of cake she wanted. “Hello Kitty” I did it. What a mission but I did it.

On Wednesday, Friend and I drove up north to get his daughter. It was a five and a half hour trip up and I got us back in another five. I was thrilled to get back home but it’s totally worth the drive. Seeing these two together is awesome.

On Friday, I went and got my long-awaited haircut. Oh how I pined for this day. Oh, how fantastic it was. I love my “summer hair” as my awesome stylist called it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tolerate long hair again and I honestly don’t know how I feel about that.

On Saturday, my family went down to the Florida Keys for a Father’s Day dinner. The restaurant, Morada Bay, is famous for its view and sunsets. The food is really yummy too and they make awesome (alcoholic) drinks you get in a 32 oz jar. Towards the evening, they throw glow sticks in them.

Friend picked me up and we spent the night and the next day with his daughter’s (she totally needs a name) Grandparents who live in the Keys. We ended up going out in their boat and I got the first sunburn I’ve had in ages. But, it was completely awesome. I haven’t been on a boat in years and missed it terribly. It felt so good to be back out on the ocean again.We docked at the sandbar outside of the famous Holiday Isle and she got a boat-driving lesson on the trip back. No, I’m not in these pictures. The girl is his beautiful, wonderful daughter.

And then, in between all of these wonderful moments, was a lot of other stuff.

I read How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe (brainy humor and a bit odd but if you can handle it, it’s totally worth it) and Sarah’s Key (which made me sob and sob until my head ached).

My dad surprised me and came to my house to do the hall closet. He bought me the shelves, the mounts, the brackets and installed everything while I built the playhouse my family and I teamed together to buy Daughter for her birthday. Through the week, I put things back into it. It looks amazing. I’ll have to take pictures so you can see it. Such a difference.

I did a bit of shopping for the kids (shoes!). I also did a bit of shopping with the kids as Eldest and Daughter wanted a chance to spend some of the money they’ve been saving and we had a rare opportunity to go while Baby hung out with my parents.

Very interesting opportunity to see how their brains worked. It was a great thing to do with Eldest but more complicated with Daughter. She wanted all of the big, expensive things and only had $10. She kept getting discouraged and honestly, I was too.

Despite the frustration and lack of options, she managed to score a Teresa Barbie doll and a Ken doll and then proceeded to spend the rest of the time in the store smashing the boxes together and making kissy noises (much to the amusement of observant Target shoppers). She said it was me and Daddy. “That’s not me and Daddy! I don’t kiss Daddy like that,” I said. “Oh well,” she said, “You were married, so too bad!” “But we’re not married anymore,” I said. “Who kisses Daddy like that now?” I asked. She didn’t skip a beat and answered with the girlfriend’s name. “Exactly,” I said, cheerful as can be because I am super happy it’s not me he’s planting those fake kisses on anymore but also because I want them to know it really is ok he’s got a girlfriend and is affectionate with her and that they like her. So instead of shying away from the opportunity, I figured I’d embrace it. I don’t want any subject to be taboo between my kids and me.

My kids started summer camp. They love it. I love it. I know some parents hate summer but, with this camp, I really love it. My kids have a great time. The pressure is off in the mornings even though I have to take the three of them, and to two separate locations. They eat like crazy. They play like crazy. I get way more relaxed with bedtimes and meals and life in general. It helps my parents both work at schools and are also off. My Friend having his daughter also adds an element of special to the whole thing.

Getting back to non-vacation life has been ok. Sometimes it’s been smoother than others. Somethings have been easier than others. It did make me wish I was a stay at home mom again. I think I’d be much better at it now– whether or not this is because of the ages of my children or the lessons I have learned, I’m not really sure. But yes, it’d be nice and it did give me a little fuel for the Financial Independence fire. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure something part-time would be just the ticket. But that’s for my “One day” file…

Ex surprised me big time on Friday and dropped off a very decent amount of money. He also went ahead and paid two extra fees that came up at the daycare.

I need to find a way to balance gratitude and trust when it comes to him. I have a tendency of combining the two and it blows up in my face. In other words, he will do something that I am grateful for and I automatically feel it is proof that I really can trust him and then he abuses the trust. So yes, I am grateful but no, I don’t trust you and honestly I probably never will. I’m understanding this is a game he plays and plays well and I am sure there are others guilty of the same tactic. One good deed is quickly followed by many not good ones.

With that unexpected cash flow, the money thing has mostly turned out ok. My checkbook isn’t really balancing perfectly but I know how much I actually have and how much I should have left over at the end of the month and that’s the important part.

Because I don’t have internet at home, or even a functional computer, the expense tracking got a bit lazy. It didn’t start that way, but it ended up there. Honestly, it wasn’t a horrible thing and it gave me something else to think about and somehow aim for in the future. I’m gaining a lot of confidence in my financial future. Barring any major unforeseen disasters, I really do believe my financial outlook will be supremely improved in just a couple of years. I need to be ok with that. Two years is really just not a lot of time.

By the way, I’m pretty sure I’m going to take the GRE in September. I know the test is changing in August but they’re giving a 50% discount if you take the new test in the first two months so I’m going to try it out. I work at a university. They pay for graduate programs (I have to pay the taxes). I don’t see why I shouldn’t at least try a couple classes and get my feet wet. I like school. I found a degree that is very appealing to me. And I don’t have to go insane taking a million classes. I feel no immediate pressure to change my career but it’d be nice to widen the net of future opportunities especially if I can do it for practically free.

It was nice. It really was just very nice. I would love to try and repeat this somehow next year. What about you? What have you been up to this week and tell me– did you miss me?!

Happy Vacation to me

I’ll be heading out of here in a few minutes and beginning my week off from work and two weekends with no children in a row. Holy star alignment. I’d play the lotto but apparently I’m broke.

I don’t even understand it myself and I think it’s mostly because I don’t want to but I’m trying to balance my budget before I go on vacation and it does not add up. Not even a little bit. I don’t know what I’ve done other than make a huge mess that leaves me with something like $270 for the rest of the month for non-bills? Or something like that. I’m supposed to have more according to my gorgeous spreadsheet, but I don’t. I really don’t know what is going on and my brain just doesn’t want to work for me.

Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I have a crapload of food. And I’d already bought all of Daughter’s birthday presents. The only major expense I have scheduled is my haircut next week and I am in now way shape or form going to cancel or reschedule that. I’m way overdue for a chop. It just means I really have to chill it with spending which really should be fine. I have lots of cleaning, crocheting, reading, and beaching on my mind and those don’t cost much.

Here are some of the things I’d like to do over the next nine days:

  • The Wynwood Art Walk (free!)
  • A beach day (or four)
  • Annual check-ups for Baby and Daughter
  • Get my hair chopped
  • Go up to Jacksonville to pick up Friend’s daughter
  • Fix the play room
  • Make Daughter a Birthday Cake (Monday she’s 5)
  • Read lots of books
  • Finish the pillow
  • Make my dad a Kindle cozy
  • Start my mom’s overdue blanket
  • Clear out my closet
  • Get rid of 9 bags of stuff at the rate of a bag a day
  • Overall pretty and organize my house

And the last thing is, I got a weird phone call today. Chase wants to meet with me to discuss my account. Huh? I asked the guy what he’s talking about and he said “probably” my credit card. That monster’s got a 32% APR on it so of course I’m curious but I don’t know. Something about the call doesn’t sit well with me. He mentioned consolidating that and Dell (30%). I mentioned my foreclosure and he said everyone’s in the same boat and they’d see what they could do. I don’t know. I really don’t know. Should I even go? I hate being sold stuff to but the APR I have right now is so through the roof that even a 10% reduction would be useful.

Oh wait, one more thing I’ll be doing is considering a possible possibility Eldest could skip second grade. I know he can do it but I am not too comfortable with the social ramifications and I do think those are important. I’m pretty sure my final answer is no but it’s something I’m letting simmer.

Anyways, I’ll probably check in at some point. In case I don’t, have a wonderful couple of weekends, Happy Father’s Day to the good guys out there, and I’ll see you on the 20th!

 

WIP Pillow and some randomness

Just a quick post as I’m actually hooking something this week. I’m making my friend a throw pillow for her newly decorated room using a stitch I found in Vogue’s crochet Stitchionary. Pretty funky huh?

Daughter’s last day of Pre-K 4 was today. They had a cute musical show at school. She loves that stuff. She’s going to love her summer camp. Tomorrow, Eldest wraps up First Grade and summer begins. Next week, they start camp and I go on vacation. One whole week. I plan on cleaning up and cleaning out the house. The kids are also with their dad the next two weekends so it’s going to be a pretty awesome nice stretch. I keep thinking it’s Friday already.

Tonight I’m watching X-Men cause I’m majorly geeky like that.

I’ve got a bag of books that need to go to the used bookstore because there’s a growing list of books I want to own.

I can’t stop yawwwwwwwwwwwwwning.

Baby, you’re three

Saturday was your big day—you finally turned “free”. I know you think you’re really super big but for me, Baby it’ll always be.

What can I say? You’re the last one for me and every family needs their own forever Baby and that’s you with all of the good and all of the bad that can bring.

You’re pretty impressive though, I have to admit. I actually kept telling people you were turning four because of how much and how beautifully you speak. That same day you used the word “underneath” in a sentence and used it properly. My jaw dropped a moment.

But then you do something like poop on the floor and I remember—totally not four. By the way, I’m tired of scrubbing poop out of Yo Gabba Gabba underwear so if you wouldn’t mind getting that whole thing under control, I’d appreciate it.

That’s the biggest quirk. Oh and the talking back. Oh my goodness that just sprang out with a vengeance didn’t it? It’s like you turned three and the aggressive gene turned on.

And yet, you’re this big giant sweetheart who demands loads of hugs and kisses repeated endlessly. You greet everyone with a giant leg-wrapping, face-in-the-knees hug.

You cry when someone leaves or if someone left before you got to say goodbye.

Lately you’ve been sneaking into your brother’s bed to sleep.

The other morning when I made breakfast, I was eating my bacon and eggs and you wanted some bacon. So I gave you my slice and you devoured it. You came back for more and went to grab the remaining slice on my plate but suddenly you put it back.

“You don’t want anymore bacon?” I asked.

“No Mommy, that’s your slice. I already ate one,” you replied. My friend and I stared at you. I tried to tell you it was totally ok but the only thing you allowed was sharing the last slice of bacon with me—half and half.

That sort of thing, it doesn’t sound like a huge deal until I realize you’ve just turned three and aren’t you the center of the universe still? How did you do that?

You’re seriously independent and like doing everything on your own and freak out when you can’t. Getting stuck in your t-shirt can cause a serious scream.

You eat pretty well and are still pretty adventurous with what you’ll try but adamant about what you won’t.

These are the last two months at the daycare you’ve been in since you were a tiny infant. They’re going to miss you. I’m going to miss them. I have no idea what you’ll do but I know you’re really excited to join your siblings at the big school.

Except for the whole potty problem. But we already talked about that. It’s not like it drives me crazy to the point of obsession or anything.

No, actually it does because you totally know when you have to go and you totally know how to go but you just don’t want to go on the potty and so your waste ends up on the floor.

But whatever, I’m over it.

Kind of.

You’re big time into sports. MutantPirate got you a basketball hoop for your birthday and you made him open that thing right then and there and you’ve been playing with it non-stop ever since. It’s a pretty great hoop. You’ve got a pretty wicked shot.

You love football too. And baseball. You like to wear basketball shorts and went gaga over the Jordans my friend got you. I don’t even think you know what those are but the sneaker force is strong with you little one.

I am afraid.

You like it when I sing to you. The two songs you request from me most often are “Take me out to the ball game” and “Once upon a dream”. You also like to sing with me and when that happens, we do all of the typical nursery tunes.

Oh my goodness you love your sister. Sometimes you try and beat her up and she freaks out but mostly you adore her. You like to spend time with her in her room. You like to play with her and have no issue playing with her dolls or kitchen or whatever. And don’t even try and pretend otherwise, I know you let her comb your hair when no one’s watching. You just love to be around her, I can totally see it. I know you guys are two years apart but seriously, you act like twins.

And then there’s your big brother you clearly idolize. I mean you think this guy is so cool and you want to be like him which is good because your big brother is seriously an awesome kid and I’ve got no problem with you emulating him. He loves you and cares for you.

I’ve been thinking about your great-grandfather these past few days because he was way head over heels in love with you. I don’t know what it was but there was some sort of spark between you two and you hardly knew him. But that short time you did know him you made him immensely happy. I will always appreciate that. He’s totally your guardian angel. Keep him busy but not too much, ok?

I love you Baby. Here’s to another huge year in your life and many more to come. I can’t wait to see what happens next and yet I just want to hold you like this forever. My baby. My last wee one. The one with the curls. The one with the gentle baby fat. The one with overwhelming affection. The one with the beautiful kissy lips. The one with the not-really-brown-not-really-green eyes. You’re so yummy. I love you. Happy Birthday.

Seeking Peace and Calm

A few weeks ago, I changed birth control methods from NuvaRing to Previfem—a generic birth control pill. I did this, initially, for the cost-benefit. My co-pay on NuvaRing was $55 and Previfem is only $10 a month and I can get a 90 day supply for only $25. I knew with the cell phone’s ability to create a daily alarm I’d never skip a day so it just didn’t seem to make much sense to spend so much more money for convenience’s sake.

I was totally scared of the pill for one reason—I remember how crazy it used to make me years and years ago. There were days I felt absolutely bipolar and considering I was already feeling this way on the NuvaRing, I anticipated a pretty insane ride. But I figured I’d try it out and see what happened.

Oddly enough, I think there has been a change—for the better. The week and a half or so before I’m due for my period are usually my absolute worst. This isn’t an imagined thing either. I actually noticed it coming through in my journals and my blog. I’d look at the sad and defeated posts and sure enough they fell in the same time frame every time.

This month, I’m yet to feel that crushing depression. I’ve been a bit weepy and had one bad day last week where I felt frustrated with myself but it’s been nothing like what I’ve been experiencing monthly. I’m hesitant to celebrate this observation too much because this is only the first few weeks on the pill. Who knows what’s to come, right?

Right now, I’m in this mood where I’m actively seeking calm and peace. I’m trying to make a concerted effort to get rid of negative thinking. It’s not too bad, but it takes mindfulness.

Last night, as I watched the kids deteriorate after a really hectic, fun, and frantic weekend I marveled at their lack of exhaustion. Yes, they got cranky. But it’s really rare to hear them say, “Mom, I’m tired” even if that’s exactly what they are. And I wondered about that. Are kids actually inexhaustible or is it that they convince themselves they’re not tired because if they admit they are they’ll be sentenced to bed?

Makes you wonder, no?

Somewhere we switch from dreading our beds to anticipating them. I wonder what’s a better approach? I think I need to dump my bed. Or at least pick a fight with it. At the very least, I really need to stop saying “I’m so tired” all of the time.

Money-wise I’m also trying to stay positive. Financially speaking I’m not horribly off. I could be, and have been, in far worse situations. I’ve done a good job of fixing things and I’m not going to change that approach. I have to have more confidence in myself that I know what I’m doing and I’m not going to derail it even if I do something as stupid as paying a bill from an empty account because I forgot to change the information from the last payment.

Confidence. Peace. Calm.

These things are inside me. I just need to tap into them a bit more.

How was your weekend? What are you working on this week?

Something new

I have been so very quiet, haven’t I? I actually intended a post yesterday but left my camera at home… somewhere…

I’ve also been working on something I’ve wanted to do for ages and it’s finally up. I have been hard at work collecting my favorite resources for other single moms. I have been so encouraged by the response from readers here that I think other single moms would also benefit from having a place to go to where single moms can feel a lot of love and meet a lot of kindred souls.

I’ve created a page of my favorite single mom posts from this blog which owes a lot to the readers and the comments.

I also created a listing of other single mom blogs. I’d love to expand this and keep it going so if you’re a single mom with a blog or you know a single mom with a blog, please contact me to let me know and I can include them.

Finally, and this is the only one that needs more work, I’m amassing a collection of more typical resources: articles, books, and music that have helped me one way or another.

So, now you know what I’ve been up to this week. It’s going to be hectic so I don’t know that I’ll be back before Monday but I sure hope so!!