Monthly Archives: July 2010

I is for Isherwood

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I think it’s worth mentioning I haven’t lost interest in my 26 in 2010 project despite the fact I should be wrapping up an “O” book this weekend and here I am posting an “I” review. Mostly I’ve had issues with the whole timing thing at the library. I don’t want to buy any books for this experiment but there are some books I really want to read and evidently, a lot of other people want to read those books too. Sometimes, the timing works, most of the time though it doesn’t. What this means is I haven’t only read nine books instead of the 14 I should have completed by now. I’ve actually read 13 although I feel like I read more than that and am simply forgetting what I’ve read already. No matter. What I’m doing is reading the books in whatever order they arrive instead of the calendar’s dictates. I write the review and when it’s time, I publish. The problem is technically, I am behind schedule by a couple of books and the books I’ve read have mostly been towards the end of the alphabet. But, I do promise to carry this whole project to fruition and plan on catching up big time in the next couple of weeks. I do need a suggestion for a “J” book because I just can’t find something fascinating. By a “J” book, I meant a book that is written by an author whose last name starts with a “J”. Extra points if you give me something from the, er, romantic (?) area which is a genre I haven’t really delved into much.

But really this post is about Christopher Isherwood’s A Single Man which recently gave birth to a Tom Ford directed film. I haven’t seen the film but now that I’ve read the book I think maybe I will—with low expectations. I’m not saying the book is bad. It isn’t. It’s just extremely… light with an attempt to be taken serious which I guess is a great reflection of the main character. In this way, I found it very charming and I’m pretty sure I would absolutely love to know my very own eccentric George. This is the book summer reading’s all about—extremely light and short it goes beautifully with an ocean view. I am surprised someone decided this was film-worthy but then again, I really shouldn’t be considering toy lines and 80’s cartoons are modern movie inspirations. Again, I’m not dismissing it at all. The writing is smooth as the scotch George is fond of. And the characters are interesting. If anything, perhaps the book is just too short becoming a brief pleasant memory versus a deeply impactful encounter.

Right now I’m reading Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project. See? All out of order!

Spending Diet: The End

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Yesterday I officially blew the Spending Diet’s budgeted amount of $350. As it stands today, I spent $396.65. The reason I’m writing this today and not Sunday is because I’m pretty sure that was the end for the month barring some unforeseen circumstances. I’m not as devastated by this as I thought I would be. Let me give you the breakdown of the spending and explain what I learned and how I’ll be working on this next month.

Spending

The heavy hitter was Food. $208.32 (53%) of my total spending was in this category. Broken down further, Groceries was the biggest chunk at $173.35. Fast Food evaporated $19.43 and Restaurants took another $15.54. Personally, I think this is actually really great. I’m a single mom with three small kids. To say I only spent $208.32 on food in an entire month is pretty amazing. After Food, Auto was my next largest expense at $145.95 (37%). This is pretty much completely made up of Gas purchases totaling $143.20 and was what in the end completely blew the budget. I was on fumes this morning after having added the last $10 of my budget to the tank Monday night. The leftover Auto $2 was tolls. Kid-Related and Other expenses rounded up the last of the spending at $21.90 and $20.48 respectively.  

Lessons Learned

The biggest lesson I’ve learned from this experiment is how crucial it is to impeccably track your spending when you’re trying to figure out your finances. I really feel this was a huge missing piece of my puzzle. When I chose the $350 figure for the diet, there wasn’t much to back it up except that it was half of my “leftover money”. When I review my spending, Groceries, Gas, Kids Allowances, and Personal Care items took up $337. These would be the absolute necessities of my spending. $13 for everything else in one month was asking for trouble—even with major restrictions in place on spending. The fact that I hadn’t been tracking my spending as precisely as I should is the main reason, I believe, I blew the budget. So yes, no matter how much you want to avoid admitting it the easy way to fix your spending is by tracking every penny of it. Happy now gods of personal finance? Sheesh.

I learned that it pays to be more thoughtful about my spending. By restricting my spending I learned to ask myself questions like:

  • Do we need this and do we need it right this second?
  • Can I make do with something, or a combination of somethings, that I already own?
  • Is this really a fair price or are there more affordable solutions?
  • Are there coupons for this and/or a sale?
  • Ok but, do we REALLY need this?

An example of these questions helping me would be the gift I am knitting my friend’s baby. Initially I had planned on buying yarn for a specific project. But with the diet in place, I forced myself to stick to my gigantic box of stashed yarn and Ravelry’s massive pattern resources. Also, when it was time for my son’s summer reading, I realized I didn’t have the money to purchase the books—my initial plan. Instead, I tried the library request system and it was a major success. Every single book was available in a couple of days with the exception of one that just became available this week. I also vastly underestimated my existing supplies (with the notable exception of diapers apparently). It’s pretty impressive how much stuff we accumulate and often forget about to only go out and buy an unnecessary replacement for. And of course, I learned the value of entertainment outside of malls and stores. This month has been filled with books, knitting, pools, movies, friends, and meals and it’s all been very nice. In other words, look in your house before you look out of your house when you’re thinking about opening your wallet.

I also learned that couponing is excellent but with reason. When I first started, I made the common rookie mistake of running out and buying everything that was a good deal just because it was a good deal. This month made me re-examine that inclination and opened my eyes to a different way of effectively using my couponing methods without going overboard. Couponing is not my job, but it makes my job of managing a household a lot cheaper and simpler. By using the basic standards the most extreme couponers adhere to, I significantly reduce my necessary expenses even though I don’t come close to the incredible accomplishments they are capable of.

Another lesson learned is that I’m god-awful at planning for expenses and that really hurts the bottom line. Having forgotten it was my grandmother’s birthday this month (Worst Granddaughter of the Year Award is mine!), I hadn’t budgeted for that. Now, I owe her a dinner next month. The same thing goes for one of my closest friends’ birthdays. I didn’t forget her birthday, but I’ve been searching for her gift endlessly and yet, I didn’t budget in case I found exactly what I wanted. Well, of course this month I found exactly what I wanted at the right price and couldn’t buy it. Needless to say, the more I plan, the less room there is for “surprises”.

Summary

In the end, I’m glad I did the Spending Diet the way I did. I needed it. The lessons learned far outweighed any associated discomfort and will only keep producing rewards as I carry these lessons with me into the next month. Seeing my new total for the month, I have to really re-think August’s budget but I also feel much more prepared to come up with a better number than I did last month. I know the jury is often out on these things, but yes I do recommend a Spending Diet for anyone in financial confusion. If you’re not exactly sure what you’re doing wrong, this is a great way to find out. For added incentive, I feel I should tell you I am ending the month with $525 in cash carefully tucked away. I apparently did my initial math wrong, and of course I went over-budget. But in the end, $525 is $525 and it’s $525 I didn’t have July 1st. Right now, the cash will remain untouched, spread safely through various bizarre locations in my house. The reason for this is because I may need a safety net next month as one more major life change kicks in and I’d rather not touch my savings to make ends meet. However, at the end of August I do plan on sending any surplus to the savings account for my children’s annual registration fee of $2700 which is due in just six months. And with that, I leave you so I can budget for next month (carefully and thoughtfully of course).

Spending Diet in July- The Last Leg

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I have entered the final week of the Spending Diet with $11, half a tank of gas, and a relatively good supply of groceries. I have no idea where this leaves me but I’m not really concerned I’ll bust. If that’s the case, it looks like I am on target for $635 surplus thanks in large part to my grandmother’s unexpected cash gift of $300. If this is the case, $500 will be set aside to cover the registration fee of $2695 coming in February for my three kids to attend school next year. The leftover money is going to pay for a long overdue haircut for myself (I haven’t cut my hair in over a year), a small birthday present for MutantEldest, and school supplies for him and MutantDaughter.
I’ve thought long and hard about what to do with the things I’ve learned this month for the future. The fact is the $2695 registration fee looms ahead of me. Although I’ve saved up about $900 through payroll deductions into a credit union and will be using the $500 surplus to add on to that, I still need to set aside $215 every month until February to cover it. Before those $2695 are paid out, I also have Christmas to prepare for.
Every year, I say I’m going to budget for these types of expenses, but I never manage to, inevitably squandering the money for one “justified” expense after another. So, I’ve made the decision to not abandon the spending diet. Instead, I will be increasing my discretionary spending amount by 10% from $350 to $385. Even this increase seems snug again, and if it is I may adjust it come September, but right now, I think it’s the best way to go about achieving any type of financial goal. At the end of the month, any surplus will go into saving for these two big items. Once Christmas is done and the money for the registration is completely allocated, I’ll start throwing a portion of the surplus into debt and another portion into an emergency fund.
One more thing I am going to keep in place is the simple spreadsheet I’m using to track my diet money. For some inexplicable reason, this spreadsheet really helped me come to terms with my spending in a way my bank ledger or Mint never did. There was something about entering the debits myself and watching the remaining amount dwindle that kept me, mostly, focused. And the one thing I really loved about Mint, I managed to bring into my spreadsheet. I loved to see what percentage of my money was going where. Using some simple formulas (j’adore Excel) I have a small section right next to my ledger that automatically updates every time I enter a new expenditure and shows me what percentage of my discretionary spending is going where. I’ll give you the gory details when it’s all over.
I have to keep reminding myself this discomfort is short-lived. For one, I am on target to be rid of credit card debt by March 2012 and completely debt-free that November. This is right around the corner! Not only that, but MutantBaby’s $590 monthly daycare payments end with August 2011 freeing up a huge chunk of change for an emergency fund and debt repayment. Once I’ve hit the debt-free point, I am going to have a lot more freedom with money. If I don’t have solid budget practices in place and have not yet accustomed myself to spend less than I earn, I can really blow a huge investment opportunity window.
A while back, I mentioned that I was going to make a better attempt at financial goal-setting. As I wind down the last few days of the Spending Diet, this is what I will be focusing on. I plan on using J.D.’s post about goals being the gateway to financial success as a guide as it lists good examples of SMART goals. So there you have it. I honestly can’t believe I’ve made it this far. Just a few days to go and then we move on to the next phase!

Bad Baby Mama, Good Baby Mama

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I’ve had my ridiculous “baby mama drama” moments. I’m not proud. They were more frequent in the first several months of the separation but I think I’ve been a much more controlled and cooperative person the past five months or so. I have a lot of single co-workers and one of my best friends is a single dad. I’ve seen and heard a lot of stories regarding the experience of single parenting. This is a note to me that there are certain things I can do and not do to make single parenting as easy mentally and emotionally as possible.

Do Not

Speak negatively about the other parent to your children or where they can hear you. Speaking in a second language isn’t a ticket to freedom either—children understand more than they let on. More importantly though, body language, tone, and emotion betray more than you can imagine. Keep the trash talking to moments alone with loved ones or pour it all into a private blog or paper journal (yes, those reportedly still exist).

Sweat the small things. Ok so you’ve wanted to take your kids to see Despicable Me since you first saw the trailer months ago but opening weekend was his weekend, and he took them. Maybe you mentioned how much you’d wanted to take them, maybe you didn’t. It doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, it’s just a movie. Focus on the larger picture—quality parenting– and let the small things slide off your back.

Be a control freak. When your kids are not with you, they are simply not with you. This is somewhat terrifying on different levels for different people. But, this person is your children’s father. You trusted him enough to sleep with him and now you must trust him with your children. You cannot control the quality of his parenting, decision-making, etc. so let it go. As long as your children are not in danger when they are with him, there is nothing you can do so don’t work yourself up about it. A poor parent is a poor parent regardless of whether or not they’re in a relationship with you. It is something every person must work through, your children included. I know you want to protect them but it is simply life.

Compare yourself to their significant other. Do not compare your significant other to your ex. You split because you were incompatible and that is it. It is not because you are a lesser person than their new sweetheart or because you deserve better than your ex—you deserve different, so do they. Relationships are that simple and complicated at the same time. Leave the past where it belongs.

Adopt “An eye for an eye” with the other parent. The only thing this does is create a cycle and it’s usually not a positive one. It guarantees more pain for you and double the pain for your children—they get to see the effects on you and him while you only deal with yours. Let go of the vengeance, the injustice of it all. It’s just poison for your spirit and fills your home with nastiness.

Make assumptions. You’re going to get all kinds of very interesting bits and pieces of information from your children. Depending on their age, the accuracy of the information will vary tremendously. Also, if the moniker “To assume makes an ass of you and me” isn’t enough to get it through your head, just remember Shirley Miller Sherrod and the USDA. You do not want to be the USDA.  Let the little things slip through, if something highly alarming comes through the child wire, do not confront the other parent. Call them, calmly tell them exactly what your child said, and ask if they know what on earth they’re talking about because you’re completely baffled. You need two way conversation with the other parent and you’re not going to get it if every time something comes up you assume the worst and launch into angry accusations before they even finish saying “Hello”.

Do

Focus on the quality of your parenting when your children are with you. This is especially important, and difficult, when the children are young and one parent is flashier than the other. You may feel unable, and pressured, to keep up with the other parent’s level of spending, but that’s not important. Your children will grow older and they will see, understand, and appreciate different things at different stages of their lives. Be the best parent you know how to be when they are with you and that stays with them forever.  Remember you are irreplaceable in your children’s eyes. The other parent may have interesting, fun, and exciting friends, significant others, and relatives, but you are their mother. That does not, will not, change.

Accept that single parenting is challenging, exhausting, stressful, and frustrating but entirely possible. Remember that staying in a poor relationship with the other parent is 100 times worse than going at this on your own. You will likely doubt that at your worst, darkest moments, and that’s ok because you will also be (quickly) reminded that it is indeed true. There is no undoing the past and fretting what the future brings is an exercise in futility.

Experiment with your parenting style. Many times in a relationship people assume specific roles because it is what is handed to them. When you’re single, you are free to maintain that role or abandon it. Most of the times, tweaking it is the best solution. I was a lot more strict with my children when ExMutant and I were together. Now, I am more laid back with my children when I feel it is appropriate—an option I didn’t have when parenting was a team effort. I also choose activities that I enjoy doing but weren’t a priority for my ex. I feel this is an opportunity to show my children who their mother really is and that there are options in life– their father’s way is not the only way.Treat the other parent as you would have them treat you—even if they don’t return the favor. Someone eventually will. And for those things you can only rely on the other parent for, like information regarding your children, payments, etc. insist on finding a way that works even if it’s not exactly what you want. You may like chatting on the phone to find out about the kids but every time you do, you hear the girlfriend in the back and want to vomit or he is insanely rude and you get all worked up. Ditch the phone calls and text or email. While written conversations can often cause problems because there is nothing attached to it, I have found that to be exactly the reason it is my preferred communication method with my ex.

Think about what values you want to instill in your children, what lessons you want them to learn, what habits you want them to develop. Then do everything possible to show them you practice what you preach. Kids don’t learn by listening to your lectures and then modifying their behavior—they learn by mimicking you and others. Since you can’t control the actions of others, make sure yours are as impeccable as you can make them. Do your best and forget the rest. It applies to single motherhood too.

Pay attention to what your heart and soul need you to do when your children aren’t with you. Forget the To-Do list, errands, and chores if you want to. Listen to yourself and react. Clean the kitchen to shiny goodness, lay on the couch and cry to really sad movies over a bowl of popcorn, make stuff, run, go to other people’s houses, get a manicure, rearrange the furniture for the seventh time, whatever, whatever, whatever. Stop the guilt in its tracks when it starts and remember you are caring for yourself because your children need, and want, a healthy you. Take advantage of the silence to listen to yourself and what you want—then do it. Unless it’s drunk dialing/texting. That doesn’t go well. Actually, most drunk-related things don’t go well in the early stages of separation/divorce. There’s just a lot of stuff going on alcohol likes to take advantage of. The only thing I advocate doing drunk when you’re still grieving is sleeping. That works like a charm.

Burying the Fantasy

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It’s been over a year since I separated and let me tell you something—the mind is a strange creature. I have no regrets about my separation/divorce. I know the marriage was a rushed thing born of fear and insecurity sustained by pride and deeper insecurity. I shouldn’t have gotten into the marriage and I definitely shouldn’t have stayed in it for nearly as long as I did. People do stupid things when they’re scared. I’m a happy person now that I’m free from the tragedy but everyone has bad days.

It’s on the bad days—the ones where I’m sick, sleep-deprived, brain-dead, PMSing, etc. that my mind wanders and I treat myself to a pity party grieving what can only be described as a fantasy of distorted and even manufactured memories. There are days my mind wanders wondering if maybe we just tried to make it work—conveniently forgetting we saw a couples therapist and ignored her completely. I wish that I wasn’t lying alone in my bed—conveniently forgetting how every night he’d choose watching pre-recorded TV shows and movies late into the night instead of coming to bed with me. I wish there was someone to play with the kids on a Saturday morning so I could sleep in—forgetting that was a luxury absolutely forbidden to me reserved entirely for him. I imagine how nice it is to go out for dinner and drinks– forgetting that was something he preferred doing with friends at strip clubs. My brain feeds me these fantasies and, almost as if by default, sticks ExMutant’s body and face in shutting out the reality of our relationship as best as it can.

It is as if my brain realizes I am experiencing some sort of pain on an emotional level and frantically searches for a rational solution. The best it can come up with is dredging up ExMutant. I’m sure this is somewhat my fault. I refuse to date. I refuse to even place myself in situations where I could possibly meet someone. I just feel that given the mental and emotional state I’m in, the most I would do is get involved in one more screwed up, illogical relationship. Why waste the time? Why create the opportunity for pain? But in doing so, I am denying my brain the opportunity to find a new “solution” to the problem of pain. I think as long as I am aware my brain is simply scrambling, I’m able to keep myself from sinking into the ill-conceived fantasies my brain presents me. No one can do for me what I cannot do for myself dear Brain.

They say you shouldn’t believe everything you hear, see, read, etc. Honestly, you shouldn’t believe everything you think either. More than ever before, I’ve become acutely aware of how many negative messages and images my brain launches at me in the course of a day. The best theory I can come up with is that the brain’s number one duty is self-preservation and the most rational solution to accomplish that is maintaining changes at a minimum. If you are a bold and confident person, you are less likely to be so inclined and so the brain is at war with you constantly preying on your fears and insecurities desperate to keep you steady even if it’s not exactly the healthiest of answers. As far as logic and rational thinking go, a steady unhealthy existence is far less risky than the unknown.

I know this is the happiest I have been in a very long time. I haven’t been this excited about the possibilities life has in store for me in ages. My happy days far exceed my bad ones. I acutely remember the pain and isolation I felt on a daily basis in my marriage. I felt undesirable, convenient at best. I felt as if I’d ruined my life and entirely disconnected from who I was at the core. I felt practically enslaved to a concept, an image, that was not mine. I felt on a constant basis that I was living someone else’s life and wondered what had happened to mine.

But, it’s over now- the fantasy, the dream/nightmare, the image, the life that were never mine to begin with. The stages of grief have gone through me about a million times, sometimes all at once it felt like. More and more though, I’m sitting on Acceptance and it’s a good place to be.

Help Wanted:Healthy Me

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Last year I got pretty into my health and fitness. It actually started before ExMutant and I split but it definitely continued and maybe even picked up after the split. Before we split I was training for a 5K and after the split, mostly I was motivated by a trip in early October to the Bahamas with my best friend. So I worked out at home a lot, using an exercise bike, some light weights, and the Iron Gym. I was really good about what I ate too. I got in pretty good shape I must say. I even got to the point I could do two pull-ups (don’t laugh!). And then after the Bahamas, I stopped everything. I didn’t care about what I was eating anymore and I sure as heck didn’t work out. That was over 9 months ago. I still can’t find the motivation to care again. I’ve gained back every single pound I’d lost and even added a couple to the mix. I feel like complete garbage all of the time, lethargic and irritable. In short, I’m miserable. But that just isn’t enough to make me stop the junky regimen and pick up the healthy habits.

I felt pretty good about myself when I was taking care of myself. I was getting compliments on the muscular tone of my body and my pants were all impossibly huge on me. Some people decried me as being too skinny but it’s just the way I’m naturally built and it doesn’t mesh well with a Latin culture. Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to even begin and thinking about it just makes me feel so overwhelmed like I’m perched at the top of the mountain looking down at the blasted rock that rolled away from me. Plus, all of the things I like doing fitness-wise require me getting outside and that’s impossible with the kids and no one to watch them. And when I don’t have them? Forget it. I’m so wiped out all I can do is move from one couch to another to a bed to another bed stuffing my face with comfort food along the way– cheeseburgers, fries, and milkshakes are my absolute favorites these days.

I am by no means of the imagination, fat. I wear size 2 pants snugly and size 4 comfortably. But, I’m not healthy. I can feel it. I just don’t know how to get going again! The only thing I can think of right now is putting the Iron Gym back up in a door way so I constantly see it. I’m going to pull the weights out from behind the sofa and put them in my bedroom in a big empty corner I have. When I was working out constantly, all of my gear was out and ready. I’d do a pull up just to see if I could get closer to doing another one.

Usually when I go about doing something, I really get into it. I read up on it a lot and really dedicate time and energy to that. And maybe that’s what’s happened– the energy I had for it is being channeled into other things like financial health, career moves, and untangling the mess that became friendship and family relationships during the marriage and breakup. Suddenly I’m reminded of Chris’ recent post at Art of Non-Conformity regarding shutting down specific burners to achieve success in others. I just don’t feel like I have anything else to dedicate to my physical well-being right now and yet that deficiency is really wreaking havoc on the rest of me. There’s one more thing adding to my indecision and lack of motivation and this is a weird one.

I kinda like the way I look even though it’s not magazine-worthy. I feel like I actually have a womanly body if that makes any sense. I wouldn’t wear a bikini right now, but I don’t feel atrocious in a swimsuit– except for those spider veins on me thighs! I’m kind of torn. I’d like prettier arms, a nicer back, and a flatter stomach. But I don’t want to sacrifice my booty for instance. I actually have one and I like it! And the boys I’m drawn to all tend to like it too, go figure. I don’t know. I really feel confused. I need some help sorting everything out and getting started. I don’t want to be a fitness freak. I’m not interested in marathons. I really hate having to worry about every single thing that goes into my mouth, or doesn’t. But, I want to feel better.

I think this is one thing where if I can just figure out what to start with, small changes will be of tremendous value. But I can’t figure out one I’m drawn to. Even at my annual check up, the doctor told me I needed to drink more water and I haven’t been able to increase my daily water consumption at all– something that was simply not an issue for me while I was on my health kick. I’m thinking of my personal housekeeping program right now and I’m wondering if there’s just a way to tweak that into something health-oriented, I might have a chance at some measure of success, though not by any means mastery.

Any thoughts on this out there at all? Usually I’m such an all or nothing kind of gal it’s hard for me to figure out some sort of moderate road to something and yet I think that when it comes to fitness, that’s about the only level I’ll be able to realistically sustain throughout my life. Anyone out there find this middle road? Anyone ever find themselves in a similar rut? If so, what changes did you try? I’d love to hear from you.

Poetic

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For the first time in I honestly can’t tell you how long, I wrote down some poems last night. This used to be my favorite medium once upon a time. I don’t know when it was I abandoned it and I don’t know why either. I really feel as if the clouds are lifting in a very real way. It being over a year since we separated, I’d say it’s about time. So many books and articles I read about grieving divorce said it’d be at least a year, more likely two, and I never believed them– it felt indefinite. But here we are, and it feels so good. It’s this type of experience that makes me understand, really, why people are fascinated with the butterfly imagery. When you get down to it, it really feels just like you’d imagine the metamorphisis to be. You wrap yourself up in this darkness and stay there for some time. Then, you start pushing against it, breaking it open until you’re out. And then, you’re stretching and testing your wings, your limbs and adjusting your eyes to the brightness you’d forgotten.

The most intriguing symptom has been the re-awakening of my creative spirit. I keep seeing things in magazines and online that I want to make or re-interpret (I can’t find the deer art project I have in mind here, rgh). Even this blog is a manifestation that I’m coming around. I am three-quarters through this little dress and am determined to keep the knitting going, contemplating my next project and keeping the quickly approaching holidays (trust me, they’re coming fast) in mind. Plus, there are visions of paper, glue, and scissors prancing in my head. I have a fantasy of filling my house with art– mine and my children’s plus photographs. I wouldn’t mind if there wasn’t a bare wall in the house to be honest. Maybe then the beige walls won’t seem so boring. If you’d like to get me a gift, make it a frame of any size.

And just because it’s a fantastic Friday, here’s one of the poems I wrote last night. Don’t worry, it’s short and light.

Laundry

She flicked the

freshly laundered sheet

sharply

And a sock sprang

from a pocket

and snatched

 in the blinds

of the nearest window

while a pair

of pink panties

fluttered to her feet

Spending Diet: Halfway There

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It being the middle of July, I figure it’s a good time to go ahead and update the Spending Diet progress some more. In short, I’ve been doing ok with it.

It’s obvious to me my biggest budget buster is convenience eating. I just don’t like systematic cooking. Menu planning is a waste of time because I never stick to it. For two weeks now I’ve planned on making a crock pot chicken and that is still to see the light of day. Maybe it’ll happen this weekend. I also really hate packing lunches. Ok honestly, I just don’t like cooking. Every once in a while, a fun feast sure. But the day to day cooking I despise. And I just don’t know what to do. Part of me is really leaning towards frozen foods. I know that with coupons and sales, I can make those insanely inexpensive. I’m just concerned about the health aspect. I know they’re high in sodium and other funky things. But, when I go out to eat it’s not the healthiest stuff in the world either. So, I’m at a loss here.

Other than the occasional food-related expense, everything’s been fine. I’m just a little ahead of the budget although that will all change today when I fuel up the car and if I get to grocery shopping. I’m still happy with the spending diet overall. It’s a bit frustrating at times. This past weekend without the kids, there really were moments I just wanted to get out and go to a store. When they’re not with me, I think of them and it feels like if I purchase something it’s my way of reaching out to them. Silly, I know. Instead I kept myself pretty absorbed in cleaning projects and knitting. I’m still kicking myself for dropping $15 on breakfast for a friend and me but I was insanely hungry, not home, and their kitchen was empty.

Begrudgingly, I am really understanding how this isn’t really a diet, it’s behavior modification. Which means I shouldn’t exactly drop it when the month is over. As a matter of fact, at this point it’s beyond obvious that if I want to live a financially healthy life, I need to figure out how to make this work on a regular basis. So, right now what I’m mulling over in my head is how to translate this experiment, and all of my lessons, into something functional.

The biggest lesson I am struggling with is Planning. It has become more obvious than ever before how crucial planning, and executing a plan, is to financial health. I knew, for over two months, that I would be getting a therapy bill any moment now. I knew this, but I didn’t take any steps to be able to pay for it. It came. It needs to be paid. If it wasn’t for the spending diet, I’d be in a pickle. However, because of the spending diet behavior modifications, I’ll have the money. Where I am confused is how do I maintain the balance? When the month is over, there will be a surplus of money. I’m not sure of the amount but the cash gift is helping increase it to a higher amount than I’d expected. What do I do next month? What I do from now on?

The opposite of Planning is the Unexpected or the Unsure. The first one is kind of obvious– an expense shows up out of nowhere. The other one is you know an expense is coming but you don’t know exactly when it will land and/or you don’t know exactly how much it will be. Those are the ones that are frustrating. Let’s take the coming month of August as an example, shall we?

I know:

  • My son’s uniforms will cost about $190
  • I have a therapy bill of $120
  • There will be three weeks of summer camp left, of which I am responsible for $261

I don’t know:

  • How much to budget for MutantEldest’s school supplies
  • How much to budget for MutantDaughter’s school supplies or even if I have to budget for them as I haven’t seen an email about it
  • How much to budget for MutantEldest’s school shoes (sneakers and shoes for the first time)
  • How much to budget for MutantDaughter’s school shoes
  • How much it’s going to cost me to change the oil
  • How much I should spend on my son’s birthday
  • How much/If I should spend on my birthday
  • How much I should spend on my brother’s birthday
  • How much/If I should spend on my cousin’s birthday

And what about all of those other little things? My oldest is going through a growth spurt and although I’ve done an ok job on keeping him up to speed on things like t-shirts and shorts, things like pajamas and underwear have been neglected. Not to mention, sure there’s lots of stuff listed on here but I know I’m missing other things. I know there are things that haven’t even occurred to me yet. I know there are things that won’t occur to me.

It’s funny how little I trust myself with money. That’s something I need to work on. When I have it, I just spend it almost afraid that I have it and if I don’t spend it, surely it will disappear. I guess? I honestly don’t know how to explain my mental state when it comes to cash. I know that I always fear not having enough. That I monitor my account constantly. That when I hand over my debit card I always cringe if it takes longer than usual to process wondering if the “DENIED” message will flash instead of “APPROVED”. That I try one budget to only blow it and try another budget to only repeat the entire process.

I know the process. You spend less than you earn. You allocate a portion to bills, a portion to savings and/or debt repayment, a portion to flexible expenses, and a portion to blow. But the thing that kills me is how much fluctuating there is in all of these portions. How do I keep it all steady? It’s funny that the spending diet has opened up all these confusions, doubts, and frustrations. I thought it’d be more of an epiphany-filled process with lots of self assurance built in. I feel like I’m overthinking the entire thing but I don’t know how to simplify it. Back to the Excel drawing board I go.

Here are other posts related to my Spending Diet Adventures:

Get it done & why can’t I keep my own rules in place?

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Today’s Thursday which means it’s time to run around like a crazy person, or semi-crazy if you’ve done a good job organizing and prepping, and get all kinds of things done today. Maybe you need to do groceries, or drop off lots of stuff at Goodwill, or shop for school supplies, or pick up uniforms, or pick up library books. Whatever your tasks, today’s a day to focus on getting them out of the way. Goodwill is on my list today and I’m toying with the idea of groceries plus I need to put gas in my car (first time since the 4th!). Those last two mean budget-reviewing and, in the case of groceries, sale reviewing, coupon clipping, and list-making.

For some reason, I keep switching my Office from Quadrant 4 to Quadrant 1 and back again. I don’t know if it’s because it drives me crazy so I want to always keep it in focus or what but it does NOT belong to Quadrant 4. That being said today is the last day of Quadrant 4 (Kitchen, Laundry Room, and Play Room) for a few weeks. The play room needs work so I’ll spend time in there after bed time. I’m still working on the bigger project that will replace the lists I make for the Quadrants. If I finish today, I’ll update this post to reflect it. Otherwise, just be patient please :)

Towel Toss Today

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Not one sheet got changed in my house yesterday. I blame the cold that began appearing yesterday and has slammed into me full-blown over the hours today. I was disoriented yesterday and my harmonious timing went out the window. I got so caught up in dinner (chicken katsu) I completely forgot to start the laundry until it was too late. So, today I have to pay for yesterday’s spacey moment and do a major linen overhaul. It’s ok though, I have a weird adoration of fresh laundry and linens.

Meanwhile, I’m down to the last couple of days in Quadrant 4 (Office, Kitchen, Laundry Room, Play Room). Yesterday I did 15 minutes in the home office despite lots of inner whining. Big difference in there after such little time. That’s the beauty of these little de-cluttering power bursts. The entire time you’re just WAITING for that timer to buzz you to a halt but it just doesn’t come and when it does you’re a little freaked out it took so long to get here.  Today,  I’m going to skip my suggested list of area-related cleaning projects because I have a bigger, better idea in mind. I’d like to work on it tonight if I have the chance but if not, I can promise you’ll see it very soon. Not sure where I’ll end up today for clean up. I’m thinking the laundry room will be nice to work in today and maybe I won’t forget to actually start the load this time.