Monthly Archives: June 2010

Quieting the urge to tell

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When you’ve been involved with a person for a good enough amount of time and have made many decisions together (from the major to the mundane), you develop the habit of telling this person things. Telling, of course, isn’t the same as talking with the person. It’s just telling them things. Some times they turn into conversations but it’s just, to me, another form of chatter. Interestingly, this habit seems to be a bit more ingrained than I’d imagined. There are some real changes developing in my life at the moment. Things are brewing if you will. They are very positive and exciting and I’ve shared some of it with my closest friends and family. I have not, however, divulged any of it to ExMutant. And I don’t plan to until everything is done and the new chapter begins. However, I have had to make a conscious effort to shut my trap and that is one of those quirks that come up with divorce and separation that drive me batty.

There is still a part of me that wants to pick up the phone and just tell him things, ramble for a few minutes. It’s not at all a fulfilling or productive exercise and in fact can possibly have some upsetting or harmful outcomes but it was just such a habit of mine to talk at him that it’s been tough to clam up. It is a learning process, the whole “this is my life not our life” concept. Usually the best method I’ve come up with to sort through what to share and what not to share is asking myself, “Does this affect our children and if so at one point and to what extent?”.  In the current situation, when everything falls into place the way I want it to, it will indeed affect our children; however, it’s not going to have any type of effect immediately and the timeline is still hazy. So, that puts it under the Don’t Tell column.

When we separated lives, it was startling to me how much “I” became “We” and “My” became “Our”. For my personal situation, I feel it was too much. I think I sacrificed way too much of the me to make the we work. It, too, becomes a habit. At least, it did for me. I sacrificed careers, friendships, and to a very large extent my own concepts of right and wrong as well as my personal standards. When the we evaporates, the me is not the most natural thing to pick up with again. It is exciting though. There’s been a huge process of self re-discovery that I could never anticipate the scale of. Sometimes it’s chilling. I like to compare it to a waking limb– feeling it tingle and prick as it wakes up from being asleep. It feels good, in an uncomfortable way, to regain feeling in parts of you that had become numb.

Wednesday: Wipe It & Quadrant Two

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Halfway through the week already! I always find Wednesdays to be surprising for some reason. Anyways, take a moment to wipe down your high-traffic surfaces today. Dining table and chairs, kitchen counters and stove top, bathroom counters and low spit-on mirrors are the usual ones. You might have other places like desks or art tables that need some attention.

When you’re ready, it’s time to dive back into Quadrant Two (Kids’ Bedrooms & Bathrooms, Hallway & Linen Closet, and Patio). Personally, I’m sort of sick of de-cluttering all those little things in the kids’ rooms so I’m spending some time in the Hallway and Linen Closet today. Specifically, I spotted some fresh artwork from my two year old and a couple of streaks courtesy of my most recent furniture shuffling. My linen closet’s pretty de-cluttered but stuff is starting to fall over on top of each other so I need to get a better system in place there. I’m even thinking of moving my cleaning supplies in there and placing a bi-fold lock on the door since it’s more centrally located in the house than where I currently stash things. If you’re looking to get into some more detail work/cleaning, here are some other things to do:

  • Change your a/c filter
  • Vaccuum your a/c closet
  • Dust all artwork hanging in your hallway, maybe refresh some of the photographs
  • Wash the doors and walls especially down low where little hands rub
  • Check your hallway’s corners for cobwebs and clear those, same thing for your hallway lighting fixture
  • Wash your floors and baseboards

Meanwhile, how are you doing with your daily laundry adventures? How’s that shrine of yours looking? Is your bed made today? If you’re curious about the Housekeeping System in place here, go here to read more.

Tuesday: Towel Tango & Quadrant Two

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On Tuesdays, we swap out all of the towels. I get a break on this as the kids have been staying with their dad all week so it’s just my stuff I have to worry about. This has let me do some extra work in Quadrant Two though (Kids Bedrooms, Kids Bathrooms, Hallway/Linen Closet, and Patio). I’m in major closet, shelves, and drawers de-cluttering mode but maybe you’re ready to get down and dirty:

  • Give your patio a good sweep and hose down with some type of cleaner– bleach or all-purpose cleaner works well
  • Wash your patio furniture, toss what’s broken beyond repair
  • Weed any flower beds, containers, etc.
  • Pull plants that haven’t survived
  • Wash your walls

If you’d like to know more about the Housekeeping system I have in place, you can find all of the information right here.

Tightening the Money Belt: Planning a spending diet in July

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I believe we’ve been conditioned to fear that which challenges us in addition to that which threatens us. Things come up in our daily lives that challenge us, that get the desperately doomed voice rushing to its insanely loud megaphone. “You can’t do this!” it starts blaring at you. “You’re not smart enough for this! You’re too ugly! You’re too soft! You’re unreliable! You’re impatient! You’re disorganized! You just can’t handle this!” The stream is there all day getting louder when we are challenged, getting quieter when we fall into place, keeping our brains quiet and undisturbed.

Being challenged and being threatened are two very different things. Of course you should avoid a threatening situation. Teasing a wild animal, for instance, is a threatening situation. If your very life can, at any time in a situation, be put in obvious, real risk it’s probably best to stay away. I’m all for self-preservation. However, challenging situations should not be treated the same. I’m not advising embracing every challenging situation that presents itself at you because I feel it makes it easy to become overwhelmed; but, I do believe you should force yourself to at least consider every challenging situation that presents itself. If your voice starts protesting, you better start studying.

Simply considering a month-long spending diet makes me physically uneasy. My heart starts to race a little bit and the voice inside me starts going a million miles, loudly. It warns me of poor planning, inevitable disasters, and unforeseen emergencies. It reminds me how much I love going out to eat and how much work is required to cook every meal, every day. It brings up those really yucky pots and pans it knows I deplore so much. The voice goes on and on, scolding me for depriving my children of their childhood and for punishing myself after working so hard. The voice tells me this is unnecessary, that surely I will be miserable, and there is absolutely no way I can possibly do this. The voice starts recounting every time I’ve vowed to stay on budget and ended up tapping into the overdraft line of credit.

In the end, I’m bothered that a part of me is so loathe giving up frilly spending. I’m concerned that a part of me is so tied to spending needlessly. Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not against needless spending. I don’t believe in stripping my life to the bare bones while a bank account somewhere fattens with money I’ve earned and am doomed to never ever touch while bank executives use it to fund their personal jets. But, I do believe in discipline. I also believe in proving myself over and over again, especially to myself. I believe in changes and not settling for a sedentary life.

And so it is that I am challenging myself to a Spending Diet for the month of July. In a way, I don’t really have a choice about this spending diet. As it stands, I currently have almost $880 designated for “Miscellaneous Expenses” in July. This month, I have to pay my part of Summer Camp for a total of $433.50. This leaves me with about $445 right there. I’d like to bring that down even more to a total of $350 for the entire month of July. My miscellaneous expenses typically consist of Gasoline, Groceries, Gifts, Clothes, Restaurants, Home Goods, Kids Allowances, and other little things that pop up in any given month.

From Friday’s July 2nd paycheck, I’ll be pulling aside only $163 for needs. I’ll repeat the process on Friday, July 16th’s check, and on the July 30th check, I’ll be giving myself $24. Because I will be using cash, I’ll be tracking my spending on a spreadsheet. In this diet mindset, the only true needs fall under Gasoline and Groceries. Because of my strong use of coupons and the resulting full-ish pantry, I’m sure I’ll be ok with the Grocery bill. Unfortunately, there is little I can do to control the gas bill. This city is a gas-guzzling type of place and now with the kids in summer camp, I have extra miles to cover.  There are still many things that arise in a typical month that simply do not classify as a need. This means I will slow down my couponing for the time being. I’ll still be accumulating, clipping, and organizing but I’ve built a stock of a good amount of things for the time being that should carry me through a good portion of the month. I’ll still keep an eye out for excellent deals, especially on the things that I will inevitably need this month and focus on CVS for instance where I can use ExtraCare Bucks instead of my own cash to make purchases.

Otherwise, it’s time to get creative. I have to get creative on how to curb the need want to order delivery or dine out. I need to be absolutely sure to control impulsive spending especially on my kids and friends. I am also trying to think of ways to stay motivated through the challenge. Of course blogging about the experience is one way I can think of. I am also considering creating a photo collage of things that I would like to have one day that require I learn to sacrifice in the present in order to gain in the future. I have no problem doing this if I don’t see the sacrifice (such as my 401k contributions and my credit union deposits) but I have repeatedly struggled with setting money aside once I’ve received it.

If you’ve tried a spending diet, I’d love to hear from you. Have any tips? Did you like it? Hate it? Did you actually learn something from it? Did you survive or did you have a mid-month breakdown and stripped a mall to its bare bones? If you’d like to try a spending diet with me, I’d also like to hear from you. I don’t mind building up a support network with fellow money-minded folks.

Sunday: Savings and Quadrant Two

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Are you enjoying your day of rest? Sundays are pretty laid back as far as cleaning goes so I use it as my day to save money. I try and clip coupons today as well as make shopping lists for the week. This is a great day to plan your meals or maybe even cook in bulk if you’re so inclined. Maybe you can track your spending today and review your budget for the week. If your finances are a-ok, just enjoy the day!

When you get around to doing your chores, head back to Quadrant Two today. Keep powering through all that clutter! If you’ve reached the end of the mess you can do the detailed stuff like:

  • Go through your linens– keep, toss, or donate and add what needs updating to your shopping list
  • Make sure your linens are organized– roll towel sets together, match pillow cases to sheets, etc.
  • Store your winter linens
  • Sweep out the bottom of the closet and dust your shelves. Dust bunnies live everywhere!

Bonus Tip: If your family goes through lots of wash cloths, like mine, you mgiht want to try storing them all in a handy basket instead of worrying what wash cloth matches what set.

Saturday: Sweeping, Mopping, Vacuuming and Quadrant Two

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Break out the broom, vacuum, mop, and/or bucket. Today’s the day to do a quick sweep/vacuum and/or mopping of all accessible floor surfaces. If you have to crouch or move furniture, forget it. Just get all those areas little toes are always stomping around on. Make this quick. Excellent for the Stop Watch Log and you might be able to get your kids involved if they’re the right age. Vacuuming my room was part of my weekend chores as a child!

Today, we’re spending more time in Quadrant 2 (Kids bedrooms and bathrooms, Linen Closet, and Patio). I have a decent amount of de-cluttering to do in this area but if you’ve de-cluttered and are ready to get down and dirty, here are some projects to do:

  • Scrub down the bathroom
    • Toilet, tub, and sink
    • Mirror
    • Cabinets
  • Wash the shower curtain
    • If it’s plastic, throw it in the tub, fill it with hot water and pour bleach. Put on your gloves and smoosh the curtain into the water so it’s all covered. You can even do a quick rub of some of the dirtier areas. Let it soak while you clean the rest of the bathroom. Drain, and hang to dry.
  • Clean out the medicine cabinet and throw out expired or recalled medicines (ahem Children’s Tylenol and Motrin)
  • Wash bath toys in the top rack of the dishwasher. Toss the ones beyond saving

Decorating Tip: Pictures of your kids in the tub are really cute when they’re young and deliciously embarrassing when they’re older. Why hide them? Frame and hang in the bathroom for some cute art and potential revenge.

Friday: Purses, Cars, & Quadrant Two!

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Happy Friday everyone! Empty out those purses, wallets, diaper bags, gym bags, book bags, etc. Also, rummage through your car with a plastic bag and throw out all the junk that’s accumulated. Take another bag with you to collect the stuff that doesn’t belong in the car and put it away as soon as you get inside. Don’t want to vacuum? Can’t vacuum? At least give the mats a quick shake. Some people keep wipes in their car and today’s the day to go ahead and wipedown your car with them.

Today we also start Quadrant Two (Kids Rooms, Kids Bathrooms, Linen Closet, Patio). I’m going to work on some de-cluttering in this area—especially the Kids Rooms and their Bathroom. But, if you’ve got this Quadrant de-cluttered, here are some projects:

  • Get under the beds. Kids love stashing stuff down there!
  • In-depth dusting
  • Wash windows inside and out
  • Wash window treatments
  • Flip the mattresses
  • Wash the comforters, mattress covers, and/or bedskirts

Decorating Tip: Kids love their own artwork. Next time they’re on sale, buy some basic inexpensive 8 x 10 photo frames. Every time you do this Quadrant, put in a new piece of artwork they’ve brought home from school.

Coupons 101: Save an average of 73% at Publix this week

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A lot of people react to my receipts from drugstores and grocery stores, not because they’re astronomically high but because they’re insanely low compared to the amount of stuff I’m lugging out of the store. Take for example yesterday’s shopping trip to Publix where I paid $39 for $101 worth of groceries. That’s a savings of $62 or 61%. Everyone wants to know how I do it and yet when I tell them I use SouthernSavers they look so disappointed or they even visit the site and tell me they just don’t get it. So, here’s a great way to start saving money right now at the grocery store, snatch up Buy 1 Get 1 Free items. Right there, you’ve slashed your bill down to 50% savings and you’ve done nothing but shop the aisles.

This is where people get really frustrated with me because chances are you don’t need any or even many of the Buy 1 Get 1 Free items right now. Buy them anyways because they’re not going on sale again for about six weeks. That right there is the single biggest change you need to make if you want to start saving money at the grocery or drug stores. Stop making your shopping lists based off what you need and start buying what’s on sale– especially what’s really reduced AND you can get coupons for. Then you store it and it’s already there when you do end up needing it. Not only that but at savings of at least 60% and sometimes even free, you can justify buying things that you might have classified as treats in your family– ice cream, air fresheners, cookies, frozen pizzas, waffles, organic products (YES they go on sale too!), whatever else it is you’ve walked past the aisle and said “No I really can’t justify spending money on that right now.”

Now when you start making the transition to coupon and sales-oriented savings, you’re likely going to have needs to fill right away. If you need it, get it. At the very least TRY and find a coupon for it so you’re not paying the complete full price and check the circulars to all the stores just to be sure it’s not on sale anywhere. Since I started, I haven’t really run into anything like that. I’ve pretty much been able to put off buying it until it went on sale but that’s because I don’t generally wait until I have absolutely nothing to hit the stores.

Anything else? Always aim for a savings of at least 50%. With that in mind, here are some deals at Publix (in South Florida, Publix sales run Thursday to Wednesday) this week that highlight that principle. I’ve gone ahead and added the ones that have matching, printable coupons and will show you what kind of savings you’re talking about that way. If you don’t need these right now, but you do use them, buy them. Don’t wait. You’re not likely to find these savings again for about a month. By the way, the great thing about Buy 1 Get 1 Free Deals is when you get your hands on printable coupons that take a certain dollar amount off one item. Why? Because you can use one coupon for each item. This significantly raises savings.

Buy 1 Get 1 FREE

  • Fresh Express Salad Blend (Reg, Price $3.99)
    • Note: The coupon for this is not printable, it’s a store coupon. Publix has free magazines you can subscribe to. Sometimes, you can find them in the store too. For this one, you’re looking for the Family Style magazine at the front of the store with all their other promo materials. In there you’ll get a coupon for $1 off two bags. Things brings you to paying $2.99 which is a savings of 62.5%
  • Oscar Mayer Beef Franks (Reg. Price $3.99)
  • Kellogg’s Special K or Low Fat Granola (sizes vary, Reg. Price $3.99)
  • Musselmann’s Apple Sauce 6 pack (Reg. Price $2.33)
    • Another store coupon. Go to the front and look for a booklet called “Smart Summer Savings”. Inside, you’ll find a coupon for 75 cents off 1. Get two fliers, get two coupons. You pay 83 cents for a savings of 82%
  • Crystal Light Drink Mix (Reg. Price $3.99)
  • Smart Balance Milk, Half Gallon (Reg. Price $3.59)
    • Print this coupon for $2 off twice and pay NOTHING. Free milk!
  • Weight Watchers Smart Ones Desserts (Reg. Price $2.59)
    • For this one, you have two options. 1) Buy 10 and use this coupon for $3 off. You pay $9.95 and save 62%. 2) Buy 8 and use this coupon for $2 off. You pay $9.36 and save 55%
  • Yoplait Trix or Kids Yogurt (Reg. Price $2.79)
  • Softsoap or Irish Spring Body Wash (Reg. Price $3.99)
  • Lysol Bathroom Cleaner or Mildew Remover (Reg. Price $3.69)

One last deal worth mentioning is not exactly a Publix Buy 1 Get 1 Free but is too good to pass on anyways. Ready? Here we go.

  • Philadelphia Cream Cheese (12 oz) is on sale for $3.19. Buy TWO. Use this coupon (Buy 1 Get 1 Free). Print this coupon twice for $1 off each. Go to the front of the store and find a YELLOW flyer that has coupons. In it, there’s a $1 off coupon for this item as well. You pay 19 cents and save 97%

Buy everything on this list and your average savings will be 73% Happy Shopping and Happy Saving!

Note: SouthernSavers is my resource for couponing. They do the hard work of matching sales to coupons. But since so many of you have recently asked me about couponing and would like to just jump in without buying the newspaper, I figured I’d highlight some of the deals you can do with just online coupons and maximum returns. If you are intrigued by what you learn here, I suggest going to their website. It’s user-friendly, the tutorials are great, and the guides are helpful.

Thursday: Errands & Quadrant One

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It’s Thursday so hit the road and get all your things taken care of today. Drop off your donations, make your appointments, shop, hit the bank, the post office, the dry cleaners and wherever else you need to get to.

Once you’re home, or before you head out if you’re so inclined, it’s time to wrap things up in Quadrant One (Master Bedroom, Master Bathroom, Office/Extra Room). Today’s a great day to:

  • Do in-depth dusting
  • Do in-depth sweeping/vaccuuming/mopping
  • Pick through your underwear and sock drawers getting rid of the stuff that isn’t in “makes me feel awesome” condition
  • Clean all of your mirrors

Wednesday: Wiping and Quadrant One

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Happy Hump Day! We’re halfway through the work week and you can just taste the weekend. Today, grab your wiping supplies and attack all visible surfaces. Get the kids in on this one too since we’re doing just light wiping. Remember, just hit the visible surfaces and don’t go crazy looking for some perfect shine. Hit up those low-sitting bathroom mirrors that get spit on them, low glass surfaces and windows/doors that attract wee hands, dining surfaces, cooking surfaces, bathroom counters, etc. If you have messy boys, you might have to wipe down the toilet too.

For Quadrant One (Master bedroom, Master bathroom, Office/Extra Room), keep de-cluttering. Attack those cabinets, drawers, shelves, and surfaces we pile things on. If you’ve passed the de-cluttering stage, here’s some more work that can be done in this Quadrant:

  • Flip and vacuum your mattress
  • Wash your comforter, mattress cover, and/or bed skirt
  • Wash your windows inside and out
  • Clean your window treatments