Ah, Summer. I love it’s lazy pace. I love how the pressure dials down. It’s hard for me to feel too stressed out when Summer rolls in. The heat sucks, especially down here, and while I don’t like being caught on the road in a huge storm watching one rage outside your window is delicious.
The kids have been attending Summer Camp and are happy. My parents took off to Alaska. Unlike at the medical campus, the pace definitely changes at my new campus. People are in and out. Many have special summer hours. I don’t really think it slows anything down either– it’s just different.
Nights run late during Summer. Friends are in and out of my house on any given day. Adventure is in the air.
I can’t believe we are in the last half of 2015. I feel so good. There have been bumps and there have been slumps but the bottom line is this year has gone exceptionally well. I am starting to think about next year and when I do, it’s with more excitement.
I feel a lot more confidence in myself and in my ability to recover from not good things. I feel better about uncertainty. Before it made me so anxious when I didn’t know where anything was going. Today, it still does but anxiety is not the only emotion I attach to the unknown. I’m excited too, curious. In other words, I am not freaking out that because I don’t know what’s coming, it will surely be bad. The fact is not knowing what is coming can also mean something amazing is coming, or even nothing at all.
I think that another thing this year has helped me with is come to acceptance with where I am in life. I have struggled with this so much in the past. I have felt that I was behind and that I should be much further along in so many ways. I felt I was too old to have so many silly issues still hanging around.
But now, well some of the issues are gone. I fixed them and that’s that. Others I am actively working at. Still others I have come to accept that they’re not fixed right now and they’re not likely going to get fixed in the short term and that’s ok because they give me something to keep working for. Some have even gotten worse to a degree but they don’t make me freak out anymore.
I think more than ever, and I expect this will become stronger every year, I am really beginning to understand that there is no standard I need to be at other than the one I hold to myself. Captain Obvious, am I right? But it’s become really clear to me this year as I’ve strengthened and made moves how much I hold myself to other people’s standards.
While I am not ready to dismiss the fact that I take a lot of emotional cues from the people surrounding me as a bad thing, I am ready to dismiss the fact that the only expectations for myself that matter, are my own. There are some challenges with that, mostly when it comes to the people that I have made central to my decision making processes who are being removed from that pedestal. But overall, it’s a good change to make.
We all have opinions about what’s best for the people we care about. I understand that and I respect that. To a degree, I’ll even listen to it. But at the end of the day, the person I have to live with every minute of my life is myself. I have to take ownership of my choices and I have to be ok with those choices. The more voices I listen to, the harder that gets.
I think this becomes the issue with oversharing regardless of whether it’s digitally or in person or whatever. I never really thought of it that way. I always thought that asking for input was a good thing to do, a smart one. Now I’m starting to realize that while there are certainly situations where that’s the case, more often than not it’s a sign you don’t trust yourself.
I am done not trusting myself.
And because of that, I feel better even though things aren’t perfect. I feel ok about how things are. I know there are things going on that might not be great, but I know that I am deciding on my own how to fix them and that helps a lot.
Anyways, enough with the heavy ponderings…. Light stuff is called for!
We watched Inside Out and it was fantastic. Intense, yes. But it is a great movie and can be helpful for parents in figuring out how to discuss emotions with their kids.
My friend and I keep making our silly videos. We have a lot of fun making them and we are spectacularly dorky in them. I think if you want to laugh at a couple of ladies being silly, you will enjoy them.
Also, we are officially foster failures. A foster failure is someone who was supposed to temporarily house an animal until it found it’s furever home but the foster falls in love with the animal and can’t let it go. And that’s what happened to us. This dog is everything we ever wanted in a dog and the idea of letting him go was not pleasant. So he’s here to stay. Happy endings happen all the time!